Scope-Tech

This Is What You Get For Waking A Brother Up…

2012-02-02T06:30:00.000-06:00

Wake the groundhog…

get a cap popped in your @$$!

Makes sense to me.

Happy Groundhog Day!

Christmas Part 1 – 2 - 3

2012-01-24T06:30:00.000-06:00

Wow, am I behind on this old section of the internets. Well, time to play some quick catch-up I presume.

So, this year, we had 3 Christmases.

Christmas Eve at my sister's house
"Our Family Christmas" with just the 3 of us on the 28th
New Year's Eve at my sister-in-law's new house in the Seattle area.

Christmas #1

My family does "Christmas" on Christmas Eve. Always have. That's when the big group party is. Then Christmas Day is a much lower key thing. We drove down there on the morning of Christmas Eve and had a good visit with my mom & dad. We then went over to my sister's house (about 10 miles away) for the party.

We ate, talked, Cora met my brother's wife & son who she had never met before, and exchanged some gifts. We did the "draw one person's name" thing this year, and it went well. There was a $25 limit, and I think everybody was happy with it, for the most part.

Then it was game time!

My sister split us into teams of two, and we plaid a number of "Minute to Win It" type games. They are harder than they look on TV, and we had to ditch some, and alter others, but you can't help but laugh at someone trying to use their facial muscles to move an Oreo from their forehead into their mouth.

Christmas day was low key, but that evening, we went to a local park that puts up a decent Christmas light display for a town on 20,000.

	The park features a cute little iron and wood bridge over the central pond. I've fished for bluegills off that bridge in my youth.
	Another view of the bridge, reflected in the pond.
	And here is my lovely wife on said bridge.
	OMG! It's the Claus Ness Monster!
	And then I started playing with the exposure setting on my camera, taking some long exposure photos of a string of lights…
	And a tree full of red lights to make it look on fire…
	Some reindeer moving at warp speed!
	And speaking of warps, I love this little time warp effect running down the tunnel.

Christmas #2

Was a quiet little affair. In the morning, we opened our stockings. Then, after a break where I went to work all day (*sigh*), we opened our presents. I was too busy living in the moment to take any pictures, and am too lazy to steal any of my wife's pictures. So if you want to read her account, go HERE.

Christmas #3

We flew out to the Pacific Northwest on the 30th. I took a day off so that we could catch an earlier flight, and that worked out extremely well, as we got out there in time to actually visit with the family when the plane landed, and not just going to sleep.

On New Year's Eve, we went to the house that my SIL's family & my MIL will all be buying together and moving into shortly for a super-combo celebration of Christmas/New Year's/Birthdays.

A good time was had by all. Because there was cake.

We also visited Callista, her husband, and their dog, Moose, who as you can see, is the "Tennis Ball Terror Terrier of Tulalip". But otherwise, a cool dog.

Later in the visit, we all went to downtown Seattle to Pike Place Market, where we saw some über creepy ventriloquist dummies. The guy in the store was twisting and moving their heads so they looked like they were tracking you! (For those of you with clown phobias, try getting Bozo there out of your noggin tonight as you go to sleep.)

And then right up the street, there was another place that puts dolls on display. They actually had some pretty good signs, I must admit.

But, before we knew it, it was time to head back home. And I think we got out of there just in time! The storms came in, the trees came down, and the power went out. It looks like things are slowly returning to "normal", but the new house that they are buying has been without power for over a week.

I think someone better get a visit for the Auxiliary Generator Faerie before next winter!

Mine! Mine! Mine!

2012-01-22T10:41:00.001-06:00

In the winter, there's a strange tradition in Chicago that takes over after a decent snowfall. It's called "Dibs".

It's basically the idea that if you shovel out your parking spot after a snowfall, you should get the spot when you come back home. Sounds fair, right?

And then it goes to the extreme.

I get it for a quick run to the store the day after a decent snow. 3 days after a 6" snow? Put your crappy old kitchen chairs and milk crates back in your garage. You're embarrassing yourselves, here.

But, I guess if you leave your wife sitting out in the chair, and she's got THAT look on her face waiting for you to get back, well, go for it, big guy.

Do any any other cities have this type of thing? I'm lucky that I've got a garage spot in my condo (if "lucky" means having a separately deeded parking space with its own mortgage) so that I don't really have to deal with it.

Virtual Sunday Part 2 Cinema

2012-01-16T12:01:00.001-06:00

Okay, I know today is really only "Virtual Sunday Part 2" for those of us with the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday off, but since I don't get another holiday until Memorial Day*, I'm going to enjoy it.

Before we head out to see "Beauty and the Beast 3D" in a few minutes, I thought I would share this little number with you:

I was pretty surprised they didn't have a "MySpace" joke or "I didn't see you last night on AIM" or something like that, though. And why isn't there a shot of him at a football game, wearing a Snuggie, exclaiming how great they are?

Do I have to start making my own videos now?

* For those of you in the South, that would be the day honoring the Union dead in the War of Northern Aggression. My old roommate used to work for a national company based in Atlanta, and they did not get that day off as a paid holiday.

Would You Eat…

2012-01-10T06:30:00.000-06:00

Sushi from Walgreens?

That's what I said, "Sushi from Walgreens". Seriously? Sushi. Walgreens.

Or drink a smoothie?

Get a makeovers or manicure?

Yesterday, Walgreens opened up a "Flagship Store" in Chicago.

I'll let that sink in for a second.

A fancy, up scale Walgreens flagship store.

Here's a LINK to the story in case you're interested.

The funny thing is, when I saw the signs announcing that a Walgreens was going into that location, I laughed. When I got my first job in Chicago, I worked about a block and a half down State St. from where this store is going in. (Today, I work a good 2.5 blocks away.) And the place was a Walgreens back then.

And it was a shithole. An absolute shithole.

It was there for about 80 years, then they knocked it down in 2005 and put up a fancy building with a Loehmann's store. But that closed, and now Walgreens is moving back in.

On the map above, I have marked the location with a "W", and you can see by the other pushpins and red dots on the map, they desperately needed a Walgreens in that location. Someone might have to walk 2 whole blocks to get to one.

That's not drugstores. That's Walgreens. There are also a handful of CVS's in the Loop, too.

And thankfully none of the others offer sushi (that I'm aware of).

And if they do, I'm still not eating it.

Happy New Year - 2012!

2011-12-31T06:30:00.000-06:00

I know I'm jumping the gun a little.

We're going to be celebrating both Christmas (part 3) and New Year's this weekend. Pictures and stories to follow.

Have a happy and safe one out there, people, and hope you have an awesome 2012!

(Screw you, Mayans! 2012 is gonna rock!)

A Moving Tale of Trust for Christmas*

2011-12-25T06:30:00.000-06:00

In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty four years later, Mbembe was walking through the Lincoln Park Zoo in Chicago with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant looked at Mbembe as if could see straight into his soul.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

* Yes, this is a repeat of from the last three Christmases. But I have to keep up the tradition. And Lincoln Park Zoo hasn't had elephants for a few years now.

I hope you are had / are having a very merry Christmas.

Larry & Sarah – Christmas Wrap-Up

2011-12-23T06:30:00.001-06:00

Okay, people, I know this is gonna break your hearts, but this is gonna be the last of Larry & Sarah for a while. But don't worry, people, like Frosty the Snowman, they'll be back again someday.

And here's a repeat of their conversation last year.

Have yourself a Merry Christmas. I not be posting tomorrow, but there will be a little gem going out on Christmas day.

And for those of you wondering, I had a great birthday, surrounded by love, presents, and some tasty Mexican food washed down with a couple of adult beverages.

Larry & Sarah – Christmas Cheer On My Birthday

2011-12-22T06:30:00.000-06:00

Hey, another lap completed!

Happy birthday to me. We are going out for a nice dinner tonight.

Hope THAT doesn't happen tonight! ;-)

And just remember, one more lap, and the Mayans wave the checkered flag on this race.

Larry & Sarah – A Two-Fer Wednesday

2011-12-21T06:30:00.000-06:00

Things have kind of piled up around here, so it's time for me to double up on your dose of everybody's favorite Christmas couple, Larry & Sarah:

It's a question we've always wondered…

And a two-fer in a two-fer!

Hope you are all having a great holiday season. I'm really enjoying it. Tomorrow's my birthday. We're going out for Mexican.

A Real Post – A Good Sunday

2011-12-19T06:30:00.000-06:00

Last Sunday, (not this most recent one, but the one before it) was a pretty fun day around here.

The morning started off early. We drove over to the zoo and found some free parking right outside the gate. From there, we were going to take the bus into down town, and then back to the zoo later. I drove over there, so that when we were done with the zoo, we could just come home, and not have to deal with waiting for a bus.

The instant I parked the car, our bus showed up. Running on a Sunday schedule, we figured it would be a while before another one came along. "Hurry! Bus!" I tried shouting to the child in an effort to get her to move toward the bus stop. But the words must have come out, "Take your time. Put on you fingerless gloves. Decide whether or not to bring your water bottle with you. You have all the time in the world."

Standing at the cold bus stop, we were lucky that the next bus came along in only about 8 minutes, to whisk us down town. We were heading into the city for two reasons:

To show Wednesday the opening ceremony at the Disney Store.
To get pictures taken with Santa.

The Disney Store opened at 11:00, so we went into Macy's (henceforth called "Field's" in the rest of this post) first.

If you haven't been to Marshall Field's in Chicago at Christmas time, let me tell you, they go all out. Inside and out is done very nicely and very tastefully. They always do the animated window displays, and the whole place is decorated very nicely.

Once we got into the store, we headed up to the 8th floor? Furniture? No, silly, the 8th floor has a great spot where you can look out over their fancy dining room, The Walnut Room, while people enjoy the holiday tradition of having lunch by the beautiful tree. (FYI – It's not a walnut tree.)

After scouting out the tree in the Walnut room, we headed down stairs to see how long the line for Santa was going to be. RE-DIC-U-LOUS, and it was only 10:00!

Sigh.

We prowled around the store a bit more before heading across the street to the Disney Store to get good seats for the opening ceremony. The entrance to the store is inside a mall type building, so the 3 of us grabbed a bench and waited.

As part of the ceremony, a few "cast members" as the employees are called, ask a young member of the audience to turn a key in an oversized lock, unlocking their imagination, causing the velvet ropes to fall and the store to be declared open. Well, the cast member hoisting the oversized key above her head didn't imagine that a 5 foot long key would have any trouble going through a 4 foot wide door until "DONG!" and both ends hit their respective sides of the door frame, causing her to rebound slightly back into the store before rotating the key to fit through the opening and on to the ceremony.

Hopefully, the other cast members are still teasing her about it.

Afterwards, we went over to the Christkindlmarket in Daley Plaza. It's a traditional German style market on the plaza. We stopped in there to see if the Christmas tree that we have this year was a bad as they were ~~suggesting~~ mocking on the radio. (Hint: Oh yeah!) And we had some roasted cashews and while we were looking around, saw a relatively short line for a pictures with Santa.

FREE. PICTURES. WITH. SANTA.

Not the best resolution in the world, but it was a pretty nice Santa setup.

After the picture, we headed over to Field's to eat at their basement restaurant Infileds. (Note: It ain't called "Inmacys"). After a very nice meal, we bought some fudge with one of the gift cards we've had for a while, did a little shopping on State Street, then hopped the 151 (aka the "Bacardi Bus") back to the zoo.

Wednesday's Biology teacher assigned her class a project where they needed to go to the zoo and observe some of the animals that were outside in the winter. With all the traveling that we'll be doing soon, we thought we'd better knock off the visit as soon as possible.

We had a blast at the zoo.

We saw my favorites, the seals…

And both types of leopards: Snow and regular.

But the real treat. Correction, the realest treat was hanging out having a great day with my family. The second realest treat was Zoo Lights. They light up the zoo, and it's pretty awesome.

As the sun set and it started getting dark, but not dark enough to enjoy the lights, we retreated to the warmth of the car, conveniently parked right outside the front gate. As we sat there, engine running, the girls changed coats and reviewed the pictures for the project while Christmas music played on the radio. And the vultures lined up for our parking space.

Free parking over there is somewhat limited, so people were lining up, one after another to see if we were pulling it. First it was annoying. Then it got funny. Then it got annoying again, so we shut down the car and headed back into the zoo for the lights.

Here are some pictures.

No, that's no one we know in silhouette.

It forever for us to get this penguin picture. There was a lady who sort of wanted to get her kid's pictures taken by it, but the kid really wasn't interested, so she stood there for like 5 minutes as the line kept growing, oblivious to anything but her darling son, wandering aimlessly around the statue. Never once barking instructions to him to just stand there and look at mommy like I would have gotten. No, she was more interested in nurturing his natural curiosity about the world around him while she totally ignored the world around here. Just as I was getting ready to loose my Christmas cheer, they wandered off and we got this shot.

And we got to see a sleeping gorilla up close and personal and thankfully behind some very think glass.

And here's a little video I shot of the light show…

and it stars Dancer & Prancer.

Snow Goons!

2011-12-18T10:55:00.001-06:00

Just a little Sunday funny while you try to wrap that final present.

Larry & Sarah – Better Than A Christmas Tree

2011-12-16T06:30:00.000-06:00

Well, it's Friday, and Larry and Sarah take the gloves off for this round.

"How are a man/woman better than a Christmas tree?"

Have a good weekend everyone and get those presents wrapped.

Larry & Sarah – Santa Is Coming To Town

2011-12-15T06:33:00.001-06:00

Continuing with the outtake from Larry's Interview with Sarah:

Yeah, it's an old joke, and?

Larry & Sarah – Getting Frosty

2011-12-14T06:30:00.000-06:00

Once again, the couple that is sweeping the internet: Larry & Sarah.

Yeah, you just saw that.

I HAVE NO SHAME!

Larry & Sarah – Happy Holidays

2011-12-12T06:30:00.000-06:00

Hey all, we at Scope-Tech have gotten our hands on some out-takes from a recent Larry King / Sarah Palin Christmas interview. Over the next two weeks, we'll do our best to bring you there worst. And who knows, maybe I'll even get around to writing a real post soon, catching you up on all the coming and goings and shenanigans around here.

Hope that all of you are enjoying the wonderful holidays.

Editor's Note: And in a effort at full disclosure, I got Larry's rant from the internet. It's not original.

A Helping Hand

2011-12-05T06:30:00.000-06:00

Hey all, I have a neighbor here in Chicago who is also a blogger. She writes a food blog called, Elly Says "Opa".

She has a friend, Jane, who was bitten by a black recluse spider a while back. Jane's having a rough time (you can read about it HERE), and Elly is trying to help her out. She's donating all her blog's ad revenue for December to help Jane.

Her ads pay off for hits to the blog, not clicks on the ad. I know my readers are a good group of really caring, really wonderful people (who I also respond to guilt / flattery), and I know many of you would like to help. So, if you want to help Jane:

All this is going to cost you is a click. That's it. Click on the graphic up there and you're done. And if you could remember to go back the rest of month, that would be awesome.

And besides helping out someone, I know that some of you are "foodies" and you will probably really enjoy Elly's blog to boot. I'm sure you will find some great home recipes for you to try out.

I Might Be Dating Myself, But…

2011-11-30T06:30:00.000-06:00

I might be dating myself, but I remember when "Adele"…

… was called "Wynonna".

Einstein's Puzzle - Answer

2011-11-28T06:40:00.001-06:00

Before we completely trample Thanksgiving on our rush into the Christmas season, here's another one of my favorite Thanksgiving clips, even though I never watched the show.

To answer the post the other day about Einstein's Puzzle: The German kept the fish. Below is a full chart of the answers.

LOC	COLOR	PETS	CIGAR	DRINK	NATION
1	YELLOW	CATS	DUNHILL	WATER	NORWEGIAN
2	BLUE	HORSES	BLEND	TEA	DANE
3	RED	BIRDS	PALL MALL	MILK	BRIT
4	GREEN	FISH	PRINCE	COFFEE	GERMAN
5	WHITE	DOGS	BLUE MASTER	BEER	SWEDE

Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-24T06:30:00.000-06:00

Wow. I've been blogging for a while now if this is the 4th Thanksgiving that I've run this. I'm not being lazy, and repeating myself, it's a TRADITION. :-)

This fairly long clip contains one of my favorite lines of all times: "As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly."

If you are Jonesing to see the whole thing, it's available on HULU. And if you've never seen it, or weren't alive when it first aired, Herb's clothes were a joke even back then.

If you are celebrating Thanksgiving today, have a good one. And have a second helping of pumpkin pie.

If you aren't celebrating Thanksgiving, HAPPY THURSDAY!

And here's a little chart to help you with yesterday's puzzle:

LOC	COLOR	PETS	CIGAR	DRINK	NATION
1	RED GREEN WHITE YELLOW BLUE	DOGS BIRDS CATS HORSES FISH	PALL MALL DUNHILL BLEND BLUE MASTER PRINCE	TEA COFFEE MILK BEER WATER	BRIT SWEDE DANE GERMAN NORWEGIAN
2	RED GREEN WHITE YELLOW BLUE	DOGS BIRDS CATS HORSES FISH	PALL MALL DUNHILL BLEND BLUE MASTER PRINCE	TEA COFFEE MILK BEER WATER	BRIT SWEDE DANE GERMAN NORWEGIAN
3	RED GREEN WHITE YELLOW BLUE	DOGS BIRDS CATS HORSES FISH	PALL MALL DUNHILL BLEND BLUE MASTER PRINCE	TEA COFFEE MILK BEER WATER	BRIT SWEDE DANE GERMAN NORWEGIAN
4	RED GREEN WHITE YELLOW BLUE	DOGS BIRDS CATS HORSES FISH	PALL MALL DUNHILL BLEND BLUE MASTER PRINCE	TEA COFFEE MILK BEER WATER	BRIT SWEDE DANE GERMAN NORWEGIAN
5	RED GREEN WHITE YELLOW BLUE	DOGS BIRDS CATS HORSES FISH	PALL MALL DUNHILL BLEND BLUE MASTER PRINCE	TEA COFFEE MILK BEER WATER	BRIT SWEDE DANE GERMAN NORWEGIAN

Einstein's Puzzle

2011-11-23T06:30:00.000-06:00

Okay, there's no proof that Einstein created this puzzle, but that's what it's called. Face it, you're really not doing anything at work today besides watching the clock and waiting for the boss to let you go anyway, so here's a brain teaser for you. (Yes, you can Google the answer pretty easily, but there's no prize, so use your brains.)

Einstein's Puzzle

This was written by Einstein last century. He said that 98% of the people in the world could not solve it. Are you among the other 2%?

Facts:

There are 5 houses in 5 different colors.
In each house lives a different person with a different nationality.
These five owners drink a certain beverage, smoke a certain brand of cigarette, and keep a certain pet.
No owners have the same pet, smoke the same brand of cigar, or drink the same drink.

Hints:

The Brit. lives in a red house.
The Swede keeps dogs as pets.
The Dane drinks tea.
The green house is on the left of the white house.
The green house owner drinks coffee.
The person who smokes Pall Mall rears birds.
The owner of the yellow house smokes Dunhill.
The man living in the center house drinks milk.
The Norwegian lives in the first house.
The man who smokes Blend lives next to the one who keeps cats.
The man who keeps horses lives next to the one who smokes Dunhill.
The owner who smokes Blue Master also drinks beer.
The German smokes Prince.
The Norwegian lives next to the blue house.
The man who smokes Blend has a neighbor who drinks water.

Question:

Who keeps the fish?

When I first got this puzzle, it took me a bit, but I solved it by the end of the day. (Hey, I was at work!) I'll give you solution on Monday. If you want, pull this out on your family this weekend while the Lions are getting creamed.

(Note: We all know Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes. Not the right answer.)

Happy 7th Re-Birthday

2011-11-18T06:30:00.000-06:00

To my special amazing awesome wonderful wife, Cora. I almost lost you seven years ago, before I even met you. (For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, follow this LINK)

So, happy re-birthday!

Enjoy some cake.

This 1's For You

2011-11-11T11:11:00.000-06:00

Because YOU are #1 in my book!

Kim-possible Turn Of Events

2011-11-07T06:30:00.000-06:00

Poor gal has a right to be in a bad mood.

Her 72 day marriage blew up in her face.

The Kardashian Collection is on sale @ next to the Toughskin jeans @ Sears

People are looking at her askance at parties.

And now she's got crabs.

Face it, life's not all beer and skittles when you're a big Kimbo.

(And did you ever notice that while most women named 'Kimberly' don't mind being called, 'Kim', that aren't so keen about being called 'Berly'. Go figure.)

Saturday Afternoon Time Killers

2011-11-05T12:53:00.001-05:00

Hey, I know it's the weekend, and reading is for suckers. So, here are a couple quick videos to get you thru the weekend.

We watch a number of cooking shows around here, and as a dad who has had to keep the child alive for a few days on his own, I'm going to add some of these to the list.

The only thing I can say about this next clip is that it has far too little violence.

Chris Brown might like to smack women around, but the fool has mad skillz with Paint! You may not want to play this with young children or old people in the room.

Okay, you've fooled around long enough. Get back to raking those leaves and cleaning out the gutters.

The Times They Are A Changing

2011-11-04T06:30:00.000-05:00

Well, for most of my American readers, that is. Daylight savings time ends this weekend, so Sunday you get an extra hour of sleep in the morning. But, it will start getting dark soul-crushingly early. Speaking of "soul crushing", how 'bout Tim Tebow and the Broncos?

I ran across this fun little video about DST, and thought you all might like it. My favorite bit is when it gets talking about Arizona.

Everyone have a good weekend, and FALL BACK Sunday.

Staying The Corset II

2011-11-02T06:30:00.000-05:00

Well, October has come and gone, and my annual breast cancer awareness drive has come to an end. Turn out wasn't exactly what I was hoping for, but that's okay. I'm still going to contribute $50 to the Susan G. Komen for The Cure organization anyway.

We'll start off with 2 anonymous bloggers. I added a couple of artistic filters, just so I could claim to have played with their B(.)(.)Bs! ;-)

Next are two non-anonymous bloggers sent over by Joshua, @ Vive le Nerd. I've only just started reading these fine, upstanding young ladies, but if you have room in your blogroll, give them a try.

First is The Padded Cell Princess from Padded Cell Confessions. From the looks of things, the cell is the ONLY thing that's padded.

Next up is Colie from The Colie Chronicles. I got her entry just as I was putting this post together.

And since she's 26 feet tall, we'll let Marilyn count as 6 women, to get us our 10 - $50 donation.

And for those of you who were thinking of contributing but didn't get around to it in time, I hope you do take the time to do your monthly self-exams (or let that dude at the bar do it if that's your thing) and get things checked out if something's up.

Please.

Happy Halloween

2011-10-31T06:30:00.000-05:00

I figured for Halloween I would give you a little treat, and give you a couple of nice wallpapers for the day.

Neither is original, but I did rework the top one some, I didn't like their color in the back ground or their lettering, so I took my spin on it.

The one below was perfect as is.

And just a reminder…

It's not too late to get use your BOO BEES to scare up a donation for Susan G. Komen. Click the LINK for more details.

What Were You Doing 2 Years Ago Today?

2011-10-24T20:18:00.001-05:00

I know what I was doing…

And I haven't stopped smiling since!

Thank you, Cora, for making me the happiest I have ever been.

E V E R Y D A Y!

And there's still time to get me to pay up on my donation to Susan G. Komen for The Cure. For more details, go HERE.

A Cousin's Wedding – And Karma's Bitch Slap

2011-10-21T06:30:00.000-05:00

So, as mentioned before, we headed to southern Indiana for the wedding of my cousin's daughter, henceforth to be known as "Brooke". She just graduated high school last summer, and is in college. I've met her now husband a handful of times, and he seems like a good kid, except for the whole "Cardinal Fan" thing.

My cousin, "Pete", finalized his divorce a year or so ago. It's one of those stories where one person (his wife in this case), got that itch as the kids started growing up, and decided to cheat, and moved out. But she took her time signing off on the divorce stuff, because she didn't want to get off the gravy train. It was hard on Pete. They had been high school sweethearts, so he didn't really know how to date as an adult.

As you can see walking Brooke down the aisle, Pete's not bad looking guy, and when he hit the market in this town of around 8,000, the single ladies swarmed. It was funny, I was leaving the dating world as he was entering it, and he couldn't believe how much it had changed.

After dating around a little, he finally started dating the ex-wife of the high school basketball coach (it's Indiana and high school basketball – the coach is a local celebrity), who had also been cheated upon, too. And they announced their engagement a few months ago. I've met her a few times, and she seems like a lovely, personable, energetic woman, with a sweet "southern bell" accent. That's her down there.

I never really had anything against Pete's ex wife (other than her voice set my last nerve on edge). I mean, I'd known her since I was in high school, and had been in their wedding. But, for obvious reasons, she hadn't been at any family functions in a few years, so the wedding was the first time I'd seen her in a while.

While I'd never really found her "attractive", life had been pretty rough on her since I'd last seen her. Like 50 pounds and a lot of wrinkles rough. (No picture. I can't find a decent one from the wedding, and the ones that I have are too blurry to be fair to her.)

Now, you never know everything that's going on in a relationship, but to be a bit catty, living well has got to be the best revenge. And banging a hottie doesn't suck, either.

I even heard heard someone say at the reception:

"He sure traded up!"

And then we danced a lot and went back to the hotel and crashed.

The end.

And looking at his new fiancée, reminds me, there's still plenty of time to get your entry in for the Komen fund raiser. See HERE for details. We're on our way, but have a long way to go if we are going to make the $50.

3 Horrible Bathrooms & A Great Kid

2011-10-19T06:30:00.000-05:00

So, this weekend, we were in Southern Indiana at a family wedding.

But this post isn't about that. It's about what happened on the drive home.

The drive is about 300 miles. I would drive the first leg, and since I'm the only one who doesn't get carsick reading in the car, I would quiz our daughter on her homework in the backseat while Cora drove the middle section, and then we would trade off again, and I would drive the last bit. Cora doesn't really like to drive, but the fact that is was a divided highway through the countryside made it a breeze.

So, our first stop was ~~McDonald's~~ the Meth Lab McDonald's on the north side of Terre Haute, right by Indiana State University. When we pulled in to the parking lot, there was a sketchy/strung out dude, wandering the parking lot with his cup on McDonald's lemonade. We parked, but when he didn't really move on, we drove to the other side of the building, parked and waited for the daughter to get out of the car. (The child takes FOR-EV-ER!) When we got to the building, the sketchy dude, tweaking on meth met us at the door. He'd gone back inside and came out the other door!

Fine, we needed the restrooms, so we pressed on. The guys bathroom looked more like one you would expect to find in a dive bar, not McDonald's. Turns out, the women's was worse. There were reports of used toilet paper on the floor.

While waiting for the girls, I watched the counter, and knew we should have just left, but I ignored that voice, and we eventually ordered. Our order took forever. They kept serving the drive-thru, but didn't care about the people at the counter. They put my cup down on the counter rim down. They got Cora's order wrong. It was just awful.

So, we switched off, and Cora drove for a while. Near the end of her stint, she said she had a bit of an upset stomach, and wanted to hit the washrooms again. Well, we pulled into a town that looked like it had 1,000 people or so, but drove all over, and couldn't find a gas station. Finally, we got back on the highway, and there it was (arrg!), so we pulled in.

While I pumped gas, Cora went inside the restaurant / cashier building to use the facilities. The daughter and I then waited in the car until she came out. When she sat down, I could tell something was up. I asked what was wrong, and got the "Nothing" that meant it was something. I pressed, and got a "No, it's all right." I reached over and held her hand, and gave her the look that said, "I'm not moving this car until you tell me what's wrong."

And she broke.

Turned out, that the bathroom door didn't have a lock, the guy who was in there before her peed all over the seat, and after she cleaned it up, the stage fright of the "no lock" made it impossible for her to even use the toilet. I hugged her, and dried a tear. She just needed a moment, and then she was fine. We drove off, and pulled into another gas station a few miles down the road. I tried to get the daughter to go in with her to guard the door, but Cora made the fateful prediction, "What are the odds that two bathrooms in a row would have no lock." (Turns out, 100%!)

While Cora was gone, the daughter looked at me and said: (paraphrasing) "I'm so glad you married my mom. I could see by the look on your face when she got in the car that something was wrong and you were really concerned. I'm just really glad that she married someone who will take care of her."

And then I hugged her.

Later, after Cora came back reporting that she wasn't using a bathroom until her butt cheeks were planted on her own toilet, the daughter told the wife what she'd just told me.

And hearing it again, I cried a little.

How did I schmuck like me end up with such a great daughter?

Staying The Corset – October's Fest

2011-10-13T06:30:00.000-05:00

I've been trying to decide if I was even going to run this feature again this year.

Almost didn't.

I've been working an extra hour a day at work, trying to get ready for a big IT conversion at work at the end of the month. And we joined a gym, that we are going to 3 or 4 times a week. All of which is eating up a lot of time that I used to devote to this little corner of the internet. And, expenses are up. I've already made a donation for breast cancer this year. So many excuses not to do it.

But a couple of great reasons to…

No, not those. I mean my wife, my daughter, mother, sister, nieces, friends, etc.

This year I'm going to make things simple. For every B(.)(.)B shot I get, I will make a donation to the Susan G. Komen for The Cure organization, up to $50.

All entries will be worth $5. Named / Anonymous / Just your bra / Whatever. $5.

The pictures should be:

Tasteful
Original
Of you or your significant other.
Bras, bathing suits, that super low cut pink sweater, a sports bra, a hand bra, your "naughty nurse" costume, etc.
Torso only. Faces will be cropped / blurred.
PG-13 at most. This is a "family blog". ;-)
Sent to me by (.)ct(.)ber 31, 2011 via my GMAIL.COM address SCOPE65.

To play along, you do not have to be a follower, regular commenter, etc. If you read this post, you're welcome to play. Just get them to me by Halloween, and I will post them on November 1.

While you can send more than one photo, I’m only counting one per entrant.

And if you need a reminder of year's gone by:

2011 – B(.)(.)Bfest

2010 – B(.)(.)Bfest

So get your cameras out, and get snappin'!

Some Guys Bring Home The Bacon…

2011-10-10T06:30:00.000-05:00

You've heard of someone being "worth their weight in gold."

You've heard of someone being "worth their salt."

Well, professional golfer Elliot Saltman is worth his weight in…

HAM.

While golfing in the Madrid Masters, he got a hole in one on the third hole, which earned him his porcine plunder. And Elliot over there weighs in at a healthy 238 pounds, so that's a lot of salty meat candy.

Maybe too much.

How's he gonna fit THAT into his checked luggage, let alone through customs?

[Full Story]

I heard this story over the weekend, and couldn't help but laugh.

What news with you?

I Don't Think "10-4" Means What She Thinks It Does

2011-10-03T06:30:00.000-05:00

Editor's Note – While the following rant will is focused on a person in a wheelchair (I will call her "Doris" since "wheel chair lady" sounds ruder than intended), I am not putting the blame on her (though her assistant should take a little heat. He should have recognized he was dealing with someone with an entirely different kind of "handicap" and acted accordingly). Rather this is about the Chicago Transit Authority's (CTA's) inability to handle what you would assume to be a routine situation: A passenger in a wheelchair. And why that situation made me 30 minutes late getting home Friday night.

It's Friday. I have a big I.T. conversion project that I'm in charge of that is scheduled for 4 weeks away, so there's a shit-tonne to do. Oh, almost all the REAL work is done. Now I need to spend 4 weeks documenting how the 8 hours of the conversion will go. But actually, everyone is going to want everything 2 weeks before hand, so I really only have 2 weeks. Oh, and we can start some of the pre-steps at the end of next week, so I need to churn out detailed steps for people who already know the detailed steps and can do it in their sleep. So, I'm putting in some extra time and didn't leave until about 5:30, hoping that some of the 5:00 crush would be gone, and I'd have a relatively easy commute home.

Wrong.

I get to my subway station, Monroe, and it's slammed. Jam packed. Having been to this rodeo before, I hopped a train going the wrong way, so I could get on at a less crowded station, and maybe get a seat. I went two stops south, and still no train, so I pulled out my cell phone. The CTA has a "Train Tracker" website that will give you estimates of when the next train is due into the station. It listed the next two trains as "Delayed" and then a third was due in 7 minutes. So obviously, there was some kind of issue with a train, probably at the next station down the line.

A quick aside. As the train pulls into the station, they will announce it with a pre-recorded voice, like "This is Harrison" or "This is Monroe". Whenever they announce "This is Monroe" I have a vision of Jim J. Bullock saying, "No, THIS is MONROE, BITCHES!"

And if you got the joke from the picture, without having to click the link or Googling to find out that Mr. Bullock played Monroe Ficus on Two Close For Comfort, consider yourself either old, or extremely hip and knowledgeable.

Anyway, back to the story: The train finally showed up in about 7 minutes. My plan paid off. I got in and got a seat. While I was hoping they would announce the train would run express to get things back on schedule, that didn't happen. As the stops are made, more people pile in and pile in. But finally, we get to the Belmont stop, where I need to transfer trains lines from the Red line (which runs basically north/south) to the Brown line that zigzags in a northwesternly direction to my neighborhood. As I get off, they announced over the PA that the train would be sitting for a minute, and a CTA worker went up to one of the train doors and inserted a wheelchair ramp into the doorway, and Doris rolled off the train, trailed by a guy, most likely a husband, but not to assume too much on their relationship, I will just call him "Roy".

"Ah," I thought, "that explains the delay." I also thought, "Please don't transfer to the Brown line, I want to get home." (Probably going to Hell for that, but they could have been getting off at that stop, or transferring to a Purple line train, so the odds were 3:1, right?) They transferred to the Brown line. The next train was again, in another 7 minutes then another 5 after that, and during that time, all the Red line trains that had been backed up behind my delayed train kept dumping off more and more people at this extremely busy transfer point.

When the train finally showed up, probably 200 people tried to get into the 8 cars on the train. They all shoved their way in, and then the CTA attendant puts the ramp in the doorway for Doris, and the great shuffle starts. All the people standing in the vestibule need to either get off the train or get out of the way. And there's little room to get out of the way. Then the old Asian gentlemen (70? 80?) has to get kicked out of priority seating (reserved for the elderly and people with disabilities) because that seat needs to fold up so Doris can take the spot. (Some sitting did give the old man their seat). Wouldn't this had been easier if you boarded Doris FIRST instead of LAST?!?

Now, it's right in the middle of this that the train operator starts trying to shut the door. With her co-worker still on the train, and the ramp in the doorway. So the doors keep slamming into the ramp over and over, and finally she gets on the intercom and starts yelling at people to get their packs out of the doorway, and that there is another train right after her. (So, the 5 minute later train has caught up to us.)

Finally, Doris is set, and the CTA station worker takes the ramp away and off we go.

For those of you unfamiliar with the L trains in Chicago, there is a slight height difference and a small gap between the train and the platform. See the picture below. It's a about 3 inches high, and maybe an inch across. This will come into play soon.

During all the slamming and banging and the door chimes announcing "Doors closing" and the driver yelling at people to let the door close, Roy pressed the call button for the operator, and told here that they were boarding a wheelchair. She asked what car, and he told her the last one. "10-4", she replied. I'm now dead certain she has no idea what that term meant. The doors keep slamming on the ramp, and the chimes kept dinging. During the chaos, I texted Cora, because I usually do when I transfer, and she walks to meet me, usually just over half way. I warned her that I may be late.

Finally, the CTA guy takes the ramp away, and we depart. I say a small prayer, hoping that Doris and Roy are going to the end of the line. (ie - "Let me get the HELL OFF THIS TRAIN before we go thru that again.)

My God has a wicked sense of humor.

A handful of stops later, Doris's assistant again pushes the call button, and notifies the operator that they will be getting off at the next stop. Once again, she replies, "10-4". When we pull into the next station, the train doors open up, and the doors that Doris needs to go out have a huge box about 4 feet in front of them. And the ramp that the station attendant has is 5 feet long. So it won't work. Doris's assistant then gets on the call box again, and tells the idiot operator that they can't get out, and to pull the train forward a little, but not leave the station. (Here's where I toss a little blame on Roy. Sure, the ramp would be nice and smooth. And in a perfect world, wouldn't be necessary. But this isn't a perfect world, and this operator is obviously an idiot. If this were Cora and me, sorry, I say to my wife, "Hang on", pop a wheelie, and out the damn door we go.)

"10-4", the operator responded.

The doors close, but instead inching forward 5 feet, the operator starts accelerating like she's heading to the next stop!

Back on the call button, Roy and a chorus manage to get her to stop just before the final car cleared the station. And now, the guy with the ramp is like 50 yards down the platform. A couple of guys had all they could stand, and took the initiative. They ~~hurled Doris's ass off the train~~ assisted Roy in getting Doris off the train and onto the platform, to the cheers of their fellow passengers.

When my train finally arrived at my station, I hugged my wife. Sweet freedom!

And I hope Doris and Roy had a better luck the rest of their journey.

So, a word of caution to anyone in a wheelchair who plans to ride the CTA trains. Just because they are wheelchair accessible does not mean they have the vaguest idea what they're doing. They only got their job because they have connections.

Animated Pictures In Blog Posts

2011-09-30T06:40:00.001-05:00

A little while ago, I put up the post Take Two. Or Is It Take Three? In it, I had this picture:

A couple of people asked me how I did it, so I figured since the title here is "Scope-Tech" I might oblige with the "TECH" part of it.

Please note: I'm sure there are other ways to do this, but these are the tools and tricks I used. You probably don't have the same set of tools, but the ones you use may allow for similar techniques.

The Animated GIF

What you see up there is a series of 4 sequential pictures flipping by in sequence and looped. They are stored as an "animated GIF" file. My photo editing tool of choice is Photoshop Elements 7.

Within Elements, open the file that will serve as the first frame in your animation.
Perform a Layer > New > Layer via Copy from tool bar.
In the "Layer Pallet" on the lower right, highlight the bottom layer name "Background" with the lock symbol, right click it and "Delete Layer". (The locked background layers are always a pain in the ass.)
Open the next picture in Photoshop.
In picture 2, perform a <Ctrl+A> to select all the picture and then a <Ctrl+C> to copy the picture to the clipboard.
Switch back to the original picture.
Perform a Layer > New > Layer from tool bar to create a blank layer.
Perform a <Ctrl+V> to paste picture 2 into the blank layer.
Repeat steps 4 thru 8 adding new layers until you have added all the layers.
Next, resize the picture down to a reasonable size: Image > Resize > Image Size
(I prefer max length of 6X4 or 6X4.5 with a resolution of 150 pixels per inch)
Perform a File > Save for Web
Change the file type to GIF, change the colors to 256, check the Animate & Loop boxes, and pick a Frame Rate (how quickly you rotate thru the layers) and click the Preview In button.
Adjust the Frame Rate until satisfied.
Then click OK and save it.

Save the GIF Online

This is the real trick to the maneuver. When I first used the picture, I skipped this step, and when I saved the post, the picture was converted to a static JPG file. And that pissed me off, after all the work I'd gone to to animate it. Now, if you compose in Blogger, you may not have the same issue, I don't know. Haven't used the Blogger editor in about 400 posts, so I don't know.

I have a Flickr account, and I loaded the picture there.
Within Flickr, I went to the picture I loaded, clicked the Share button, then picked Original from the dropdown (since that's the animated GIF, the others are JPGs), and then Grab the HTML/BBCode and copy the HTML code.

Load the Picture To The Post

I use Windows Live Writer to compose my posts offline, and then load them up to blogger when I'm done. But, the same can be done in Blogger.

Go to the Source tab
Paste the HTML code you copied that contains a link to the picture you just uploaded.
Return back to the Edit tab and resize the picture to the size you want by clicking on the picture and dragging one of the corners to resize it.

And there you go. I don't know if this will help anyone or not, but I haven't posted much recently, so I thought I'd give this a go.

If you try it and it works for you, let me know.

Random Bits of Random-ocity - II

2011-09-26T06:30:00.000-05:00

I've been collecting a whole lot of random bits of fluff and goo around on my hard drive, meaning to share them with you.

I did that a little while ago [LINK], and here we are with round two.

CAR WARS – Back in July, my car hit 50,000 miles as I was driving back from a cousin's wedding. Big deal? Well, I back on THIS POST from 2009-04-27, noted that I'd just hit 40,000 miles. Yes, that's right, I put 10,000 miles on my car in a little over 2 years.

The Most Depressing Restaurant: EVER!

Certainly, this was a one-off to sell investors on the use for the space or some kind of crap, but still, the only tip you should give the staff here is "Run, Forrest! RUN!"

Target-ing Hispanics:

If you don't want the Spanish speaking population down on the first floor, just say so. (I've reported the typo in the lower right to them. 6 months later, it's still there.)

The Moaning Tree:

Wonder if it's a myrtle?

Define "Well Duh":

Going In-DOG-nito:

Shedd-ing Light On The Situation:

Saw this cool light fixture while we were at the Shedd Aquarium a while back.

The Amazing Spider-Scope:

Note the date on the caricature. I told you I was digging deep here.

May The Farce Be With You

2011-09-17T09:52:00.001-05:00

In honor of yesterday's Blu-ray release of Star Wars:

If you wish to know more: LINK

As a guy of a certain age, you know this isn't my first Star Wars post. Here are some blasts from the past:

- Star Wars Day – Lame Joke
- Star Wars Day II – The ORIGINAL trilogy - Told in 2:13 – With Lego!
- Drunken Ewoks – Live on the Today Show

Have a good weekend, y'all!

Take Two. Or Is It Take Three?

2011-09-13T21:23:00.001-05:00

Here's the picture that Blogger failed on me with yesterday.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again!

Road Trip 2011 – Part 5 – Heading Home

2011-09-13T06:43:00.002-05:00

Day 5 – Talk about a low energy day. There's one more scheduled sightseeing stop on the 702 mile par 5 with a dog leg to the right that we have remaining.

The Corn Palace in Mitchell, SD. The corn palace is really just the community gym/auditorium. But every year, they decorate the outside of it with corn. It's pretty neat, actually. Unfortunately, there was some kind of street fair going on, so we couldn't really appreciate it in totality.

Detail of the front of the building	Front of the building
Wednesday with the the Corn Palace mascot.	An example of how they do it in a "paint by numbers" sort of way.
Yeah, they look like dots. Sorry.	See, like I said, street fair.

But my favorite picture from Mitchell is this one:

You see, my wife is… well… there's no way to put it… she's UNIQUE. (And I love her for it.)

The prairie sun had been wrecking havoc on her skin. She'd gotten a sunburn on her arms, and her hands had started to swell. So she cowering from the sun between two parked cars before "dashing" to the Corn Palace for pictures. And later, she donned a hoodie and a pair of winter gloves to battle that evil glowing orb.

But seriously, isn't she the most adorable thing you've ever seen?

As the morning drive continued, we crossed into Minnesota, where they were putting those prairie winds to good use.

As the morning turned to afternoon, we passed two signs that symbolize Minnesota.

We passed up the Spam Museum. I love the stuff, but the rest of the people in the car? Not so much.

And the people responsible for sending Al Franken to the Senate are also prepared to roll over for our cybernetic overlords.

I kept looking at the estimated time of arrival at home on the GPS (we call him "Croc" because we chose the Australian accent), and realized a few things:

It was possible to make it home that evening.
That time did not factor in lunch, dinner, or stops for gas.
I didn't have it in me to make it home THAT evening.

So at a rest stop in Minnesota (thank you Whiskey Marie and the rest of Minnesota for solving your budget crisis that closed the rest stops earlier in the summer), Cora and I made a deal. Same deal as yesterday, only this time we MEANT it. We would find a place around 6:00, get a room, have a nice dinner, and re-freakin-lax for a few hours.

Crossing the Mississippi into Wisconsin, we set our sights on Tomah, WI as our destination for the evening. It was perfect. We'd get there around 6:00, we'd have about 4 hours of driving in the morning. And we could make "Kindergarten Cop" jokes all night.

(I also was thinking of "Troma", home of the Toxic Avenger movies.)

I loved this barn that I saw as we drove. I grew up on and around farms that had old red barns like this, and Wisconsin is "Old Red Barn" central.

And since it's August, they must be getting ready for snow.

At the hotel, we asked the desk clerk for her advice on a place to eat. She gave us a 10% coupon for the Ground Round. I wasn't expecting a whole lot of the Ground Round. I knew the name, but was thinking it was like the Sizzler (cheap steakhouse) or something. The food was surprisingly good.

After a relaxing night, the next morning was a snap. As we crossed the Wisconsin/Illinois border, I think the sign said, "Welcome to Illinois. Pay up." Ah, the toll road. A sure sign we are entering the Chicagoland metro area! Planning ahead, I'd taken my IPASS transponder with me, so I at least was paying the normal rate, not the double rate for cash. Every mile closer to home, things got more and more familiar, and changed from: "I drove up here once for a wedding" to "I used to go to that mega-cinema when it opened."

I know it's hard to read, but the question is, "Why are there all the hazardous material signs on a GE.COM/WATER truck?"

Our path took us past O'Hare, and Cora got a fabulous series of pictures.

And finally, we were home. 2,233 miles, 8 states, 4.5 days, and 58 gallons (or so) later, we were home.

After unloading the car, we did what everyone wants to do when the get home from a vacation.

We fell upon our beds and took long, solid naps.

Random bits from the road:

We checked off the different license plates we saw on the road along the way. Rarest (and about the last new one we got): Rhode Island The strangest one we didn't get: North Dakota. We drove thru all the neighboring states, and were within 100 miles of the state once. 40 US states and 6 Canadian provinces.
I wish we'd fueled up before leaving. Our stats are a little off, but basically, we got almost 39 mpg and paid an average of $3.71 a gallon, about $0.09 a mile.
Would I do the drive again? Absolutely! Totally worth it. I would do it a little differently. Maybe plan in out as a 5.5 day trip. Taken a whole day at Yellowstone, then a travel day. Then a whole day @ Rapid City/Rushmore/Crazy Horse/Wall/Badlands. But totally worth the trip.
Wednesday, while I didn't talk about her much, was a total trooper. Can't remember one tantrum, snit, or whine-fest from the back seat the whole time. Yeah, she listened to her iPod a lot, but she was also looking out the windows, taking things in, and she really got into the license plate game.
Cora. Was. Awesome. Cora does not like to drive in city traffic, but give her an open interstate, and the gal can drive.

Just A Little Advice On A Solemn Occasion

2011-09-08T06:30:00.000-05:00

For those of you attending memorials for the 10th anniversary of 9/11 Sunday…

Don't go playing "Angry Birds" on your cell phone during the ceremony.

Besides being rude, some people might not find this level situationally appropriate.

Road Trip 2011 – Part 4 – Rushing Less @ Rushmore

2011-09-07T06:30:00.000-05:00

Day 4 – Gillette, Wyoming – Having heard that you should see Mt. Rushmore in the morning due to the lighting, we got up early and headed out. Well, after hitting the free breakfast at the Comfort Inn. (They had bacon & sausage, & mini-omelets with cheese!)

Giving Wednesday a ride in from the car.

And "Yes" that's pink racing stripes in Grandma's hair back there. Proof that when you reach a certain age, you don't give a rat's fat @$$ what anyone else thinks about you.

We set out across the flat Wyoming prairie heading toward Rapid City. Rapidly. Our path would carry us near Devils Tower.

And past Devils Tower. At about 75 mph.

We'd talked about it, and it was about 30 miles off the highway. That was going to add about another hour and a half or so for a 5 minute photo-op just to say we saw it. So Devils Tower didn't make the cut. But technically, we did SEE it on the horizon.

What we saw from the interSTATE, at speed.

What we could have see (stolen from the interNET.)

Our route took us thru Sturgis, SD. Home of the famous/infamous "Sturgis Motorcycle Rally". Luckily, we missed bike week by about 10 days. There were still plenty of people around the area riding their Harleys, but they were your typical bikers out on a sightseeing vacation ride with their wives and friends. (Heck, the "Old Faithful Cheeser" picture from the Part 3 was taken by a biker.)

Now, I've been to Mt. Rushmore. It was many years ago, but I recalled parking in a big parking lot, and walking up a pathway to a split rail wooden fence and seeing the monuments.

The place looks a little different now. Fancier.

The parking lot has been replaced by a parking garage, and the pathway and wooden fence have been upgraded, too. Here's a little 360° shot I did.

The weather was perfect. I don't think the sky gets anymore BLUE than that. And the sun was baking the two fair skinned members of my little tribe. Speaking of tribes, after we got home (don't judge), we watched the episode of "Kate + Eight" and they were there in July, and it was cloudy, and Kate kept saying it was Franklin D. Roosevelt up there (it's Teddy), and she bitched and whined about people taking their picture and Tweeting about them as they rushed through with their camera crew and entourage in tow. So glad that freak show wasn't there when we were there.

The obligatory picture.	I couldn't resist the urge to get all artistic when I got home.
Some surrounding rock formations.	More surrounding rocks.
From atop the benches just outside the parking garage.	George in profile from the road.

When we got to Mt. Rushmore, we did see a "Snooki-wannabee" (heretofore called
"B( . )( . )B Lady"). Let's just say Rushmore didn't have an exclusive on "manmade mountains" that day. But in the spirit of American kinship, we took her group's photo, and she took ours. With each other's cameras. Not with our own like she seemed to think at the beginning. (They posed but forgot to hand over a camera!) Then came our turn.

After Rushmore, we took the twisty turning road to the nearby Crazy Horse Memorial. This work-in-progress sculpture is pretty cool. What really helps it out are the orientation movie you can watch, and the huge Native People's craft hall. If it were just the statue in it's current state, maybe not so much. If they ever complete the sculpture, and since this is as far as they've gotten in 63 YEARS, it's a valid "if", I do want to come back and see it. I just don't see how the arm and the horse's hoof are going to do that.

One thing about Crazy Horse, the guy, is that while they are carving a statue of him, no one really knows what he looked like. Over there on the right is a carving based on "word pictures" that the sculptor got from some people who met him back, "in the day".

Guess they could pull up DMV records from that long ago.

What the mountain currently looks like. Click to enlarge and see that there are people working on it.	What the mountain is going to look like.
A model of the horse's head.	An model of Crazy Horse's head.
The girls.	A UNIMOG! Don't see those every day.

And here's my impersonation of a "steadycam" on a tracking shot. There's some fancy footwork going over the little foot bridge, if I do say so myself.

After Crazy Horse, we drove back to Rapid City, and ate @ Perkin's. It's an inside joke with her father, but the food was pretty good, and we all needed to slow down a little, since it was about 3:00 in the afternoon and we'd been going all day. Earlier, Cora and I had a talk, and we agreed that we weren't going to try to kill ourselves driving over to Souix Fall, SD (about 350 miles away). We were thinking of calling it a day around 6:00 and finding a hotel and a nice dinner. We knew we were wearing out, and we didn't HAVE to make the drive in 4 days.

That plan didn't play out exactly as we'd hoped, as you will see.

Right outside Rapid City a little ways is Wall, SD. Home of the famous Wall Drug Store. We didn't really have time for much more than a pit stop & a few quick photos. We were losing our light, so we posed for a couple of pictures…

And having learned our lesson from the day before, headed off for "The Badlands" well before dark.

For those of you who have never been, the Badlands are really spectacular. You're driving along through absolutely non-descript open grasslands and then, you're faced with something not of this earth.

Suddenly, the grassland turns into this rugged and desolate landscape.	Imagine driving your covered wagon along and then hitting this canyon?
Seriously, what would you do?	Besides stop and admire the flowers.
Go around?	Try to go down?
Or just hang your head…	and curse the Fates?
I tried to get a shot of how steep, deep and utter deadly a plop over the edge would be.	3D to 2D fail, but trust me, slipping over the edge would make for a very bad day.
I can safely say, Cora was not happy to be wandering around on the edge of the cliff.	But she didn't mind taking pictures from the side of the road. This is one of Cora's shots. I just love the colors in the rocks.
Another "Cora Special". The woman can compose a picture.	Yes, we were really losing our light as the wife snapped this one.
But we had to stop once more to see what everybody was looking at in this field…	PRAIRIE DOGS!!!!

(For more of Cora's pictures, go to her blog [LINK])

Eventually, we bid the Badlands "goodbye" and go back on I-90 heading east.

And crossed into the Central Time Zone, and lost another hour! R@T F@RTS!

But a funny thing happened. While it slowly became night, it stayed "dusk" for a pretty long time. Almost as if the sun was trying to make up for the stunt it'd pulled on us the night before.

We drove on until we got to Oacoma, SD. It wasn't super late, when we pulled in, but there was something horrifying going on:

MAYFLIES! OH!DEAR!LORD!IN!HEAVEN! MAYFLIES!!

There were swarms of thousands and thousands of them everywhere. We don't have them around here, so I didn't know what they were until the hotel manager told me. And then I relaxed, because I did know that:

Mayflies don't sting or bite.
Mayflies last about as long as Lindsay Lohan's rehabs.

We didn't get a picture of them because, well, they're still gnasty bugs flying all over and it gets a little freaky when they start landing in your hair, or flying up your untucked t-shirt and stuff, and we opted to run like the wind (Bullseye) whenever we were near them.

In the morning, one of the maids was sweeping up the piles of mayflies from in front of the entrance way. But better than the mystery stain!

Captain Planet - Bitches

2011-09-03T08:09:00.000-05:00

A little humor for your Labor Day weekend. We will return to the road trip on Tuesday.

Don Cheadle is Captain Planet from Don Cheadle

Road Trip 2011 – Part 3 - Yellowstone

2011-09-02T06:30:00.000-05:00

Day 2. We opted to skip the breakfast at the hotel (a box of fairly picked over donuts) and got our Subway on. Actually, they do a pretty good (and cheap) breakfast. Plus, we got sandwiches for lunch, so we wouldn't be forced to eat at Old Faithful and pay their captive prices.

The drive down US-191 through the Gallatin National Forest and along the Gallatin River was breathtaking.

And in this video, I believe you just miss Cora swearing like a sailor or something.

The drive on US-191 down there is seriously beautiful.

We made it into Yellowstone around noon, and took a few photo-stops, and then headed for Old Faithful (and the bathrooms that it promised us). As we emerged from the washrooms, the crowds were heading for their cars. Arrrrg! Just missed it. And it erupts every 90 or so minutes?!? Double-Arrrg! Well, we explored around a little, then got our sandwiches out of the car, and totally broke the rules be eating them in the entry way to the visitor's center. It was a spot in the shade.

Eventually, we walked out to the benches that are around the geyser. (Not around the "geezer", when they blow off steam, you don't want to see it.) We were all prepared for one of the most fantastic, awe inspiring moments of our life…

Total eff'n rip-off! Are you serious? That's it!?! Frak me!

Shaking off the defeated feeling from "Moldy Faithful", we drove thru Yellowstone and out the east side.

Isn't that an amazing picture? We didn't actually see this. This is stolen from the internet. We blasted passed this in a need to get to a bathroom.	But upon further review, I'm starting to suspect what might have happened…
I really enjoyed Yellowstone Lake. Here's a view from above.	And a view of my lovely wife.
Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam	and the deer and the the… Well, we didn't see any antelope, and the discouraging words were to come later in the evening.
We crossed the continental divide a few time on the trip, and we finally got a picture of us there.	And with that, we said good-bye to Yellowstone.

East of Yellowstone National Park is Shoshone National Forrest. Looks like a pretty straight line on a US highway, simple, right?

There were sheer walls in front of you.	And winding down hill sections that just made you white knuckled hoping that you don't take the quick way down the mountain to the river below.
Thankfully, at one spot, they had the smarts to go THRU the mountain, instead of OVER the mountain.	And I loved blasting thru the tunnel.

We made it to Cody, WY for dinner (BK), some fuel and a look at the map. It looked like we can make it to Gillette for the evening. That would set us up great for getting to Mt. Rushmore the next day. And since I had driven all day, we switched out, and Cora took over the driving.

But the road that I thought was going to look like this all the way…	turned into this twisty, turny, road thru Bighorn National Forest with some serious drop offs…
And the sun's setting…	Oh, and freakin' *COWS* are on the road!

And the stress level in the car was rising. Not between us, but as the sun is setting and you are driving thru the wilderness, as cool as seeing a moose is, it reminds you of how dangerous things are getting.

That's not a Google picture. That's by me, standing on the side of the road as this moose wandered thru the field, and across the road…	And then it jumped the fence like most of you step over a curb.
We were psyched as the sun went down, and interstate was ahead, and hopefully this was the last animal we were going to see.	I'm not going to comment here. No way.

Unfortunately, what I hoped would be the salvation of getting back on I-90 wasn't. The combination of the previous stint of driving, the unlit interstate that was also under construction and very unsmooth. [Note: I haven't focused on it, but in the back seat is a 4X4X5 water filled cube holding two frogs who really freak out while travelling. And the water's slopping out with every bump and jostle.]

And there are signs that for animal crossings constantly. So, you're driving blind along a rough and rippled surface road, wondering if the frogs are going to die of a heart attack, or if you are going to get a moose thru the windshield any second. Cora was INTENSE. Their was no monkey business and little sound as the miles ticked by. I asked Cora a few times if she wanted to switch, but she said she would have been just as tense with me driving, and I'd already driven most of the day.

And just before midnight, we pulled into the Comfort Inn in Gillette, WY. I'm pretty sure Cora has never been happier to get out from behind the wheel in her life. And this motel kicked the crap out of the Bozeman Inn from the night before.

And we needed to rest up, because there was a lot of things we were planning to do in and around Rapid City, SD the next day, and we were a few hours short of where I'd hoped we'd be at the end of the day*.

Just messing with you. Old Faithful was awesome. Excuse the fact that I took this on my point-n-shoot that decides to change focus sometimes, and won't change the zoom once it starts recording video.

* In retrospect, I would have spent more time in Yellowstone and Shoshone on day two, and have just spend the night in Cody, and driven thru Bighorn and to Rapid City on day three, with the sightseeing on day four then day 5 being another travel day instead of trying to do it all in four days.

Live and learn.

Road Trip 2011 – Part 2 – Eastbound & Down

2011-08-31T06:30:00.000-05:00

Monday, the 5 of us hit the road bright and early. 5? Yes, Cora, Wednesday, her two African dwarf frogs, Kermit and Trevor, and me. We are driving Cora's Corolla back to sell. We'd kept it out there and drove it when we were there, but with insurance and all, it's going to be just a cheap to rent cars on our visits.

Hopping (frog humor) on I-90, we cut thru the Cascade Mountains via Snoqualmie Pass and into Eastern Washington. Wow, what a difference a set of mountains makes!

From pine covered mountains, to rolling prairie. As we wound across the Columbia River, we paused at the Wild Horses Monument. On a ridge overlooking the valley, there is a sculpture of a herd of wild horses thundering along.

A view of the gorge.

A view of the gorgeous.

Right after the Wild Horses, we zoomed by, I cannot tell a lie, George, Washington.

Lunch found us desperate for a bathroom, but not so desperate as to not explore the scenic downtown of Ritzville, WA.

Ritzy!

Refueling both our bodies and the car, we blasted through Spokane, WA, and Coeur d'Alene, ID, and into Montana. I think the most common sign in Montana is "Clark Fork". We lost track when I-90 crossed it for about the 8th time. I think we crossed it about 15 times total. It became the running joke.

But no joke was this forest fire burning in a little valley off the side of the interstate.

I sure the chopper pilot was glad to have a handy source of water from the Clark Fork River right there.

As the afternoon started to fade to evening, we set our sights on wrapping up the day in Bozeman, MT. And it wasn't going to be too late. And then it hit us.

Frak! We're now on Mountain Time, so we've lost an hour! (Not the last time a time zone change would bite us in the butte.) So, it's late and we got to Bozeman. Should rename it "Booze-man" because I could have used a drink! We pull in to the Comfort Inn, only to get the "Jesus Treatment" (no room @ the Inn.) It appears classes were starting at MSU-Bozeman, so it was full up with parents. Okay, fine, we crossed the street to The Bozeman Inn.

How bad could it be?

Pretty nasty. There was exposed cinder block. That overhang in back? I could barely stand under it. And the bathroom was on the frightening side. At least there wasn't some nasty mystery stain on the box spring.

Oh wait…

Next stop: Yellowstone.

(See, we were eastbound and down, loaded up and truckin'. Passenger named "Frog". Jerry Reed. Just go with it.)

Road Trip 2011 – Part 1 – Getting There

2011-08-29T06:30:00.000-05:00

Earlier this month Cora and our daughter, Wednesday, took off for Seattle. They had some stuff to do with the ongoing court case, and it was also a chance to see and be seen by family and friends. (They were even spotted crossing the street by a lapsed blogger who lives a couple of blocks from Cora's mom's place.) Wednesday got to see a couple of friends while she was out there, and the court stuff went pretty well.

Me on the other hand, I was a wreck. I had a week to myself, and it started off with me wandering around the condo like a sad puppy looking for it's owner. Something funny would be on TV, and I would look over to where they sat to make a comment, only to be surprised that they weren't there. It got so bad that on the second night, I slept on the sofa, because the bed just felt too empty.

But then I snapped out of that, and enjoyed the freedom of walking around in my underwear and peeing with the door open.

So, Friday the 19th came, and I went to the airport after work. Flew thru security, got a tasty sub from Potbelly's, and headed toward my gate for my 7:10 flight. After a 3.5 hour delay due to a storm in Newark not allowing my plane to leave for Hartford and then fly to Midway, we got to board the plane. Aided by a free drink coupon that netted me a double rum and diet Coke, I slept a decent portion of the flight. I'd sent Cora a text long before we took off that I was going to be late, and aided by one of those online flight tracker sites, she wasn't waiting too long at the airport for me. So, it's now technically Saturday, and the road trip hasn't even started and it's already just a touch behind schedule.

After we awoke Saturday, Cora, Wednesday & I headed over to a place on Puget Sound called Seahurst Park. It's a beach along the Puget Sound. This is not the same kind of Pacific coast beach you get in Southern California.

Trying to restore the beach to a more "natural" state with big rocks…	And huge logs of driftwood everywhere. Wouldn't want people enjoying the sand!
Wednesday is modeling her "New Age Victorian" beachwear. Exposing an elbow. How daring! How darling!	My two little chicks, up in a tree.
Besides the beach, there is a nice section of woods and streams leading down to the Sound.	Look @ me getting all artsy playing with light and shadow and shooting at an angle and stuff.
Voted "Puget Sounds Worst Play Lot" 3 years running!	And seriously, WTF? I mean W?T?F?

We then went back to Cora's mom's place and took a nap. Oh, the glorious nap that helps set you on Pacific time, how I love you! And after dinner, we went to Shari's for dessert.

Sunday was a busy day, also. First, we had breakfast at IHOP with Cora's mom & sister and her family.

I've got them Harry Potter "apperating" skillz. Either that, or I forgot to set the 10 second timer, and just took the picture, then had to reset the timer, and run back in place. One or the other.

And as you can see, I fit into the family nicely.

And here's the little star of the show, showing off a skill she learned a few weeks prior.

After our pancake party, it was off to Seattle for the Mourning Market. This is not to be confused with your mother's craft show in the grade school gym or the Pike Place Market. This is a dark, goth market, with some steampunk elements thrown in.

The show was located in the SoDo neighborhood, just down the street form Starbucks headquarters.	Not everyone came dressed for the occasion, but some did. Yes, that's one of 3 hearses that were parked outside.
This was a very interesting display of items for sale.	Imagine trying to carry this bad boy thru the airport security line!

At the show, we met up with Cora's friend, Callista and her husband. We had a nice chat with them before the show opened. At the show, Wednesday bought a new pair of fingerless gloves. Her current pair that she wears all the time have been sewn a couple of times, and really, aren't long for this world. After the show, the 5 of us had lunch @ Jimmy John's and then hung out for a while by the cars. As we left, Callista's husband gave me the tub of Lego Star Wars kits that I bought off of him a while ago. (The Yoda will be getting put together soon. That's all I know right now.)

Later in the afternoon, after a round of laundry and packing, we headed over to Cora's dad & stepmother's house. This was my first visit, so I got the tour and the explanation of how they are going to lift the house, move it up and over a little bit, then add a story under it. Plus, I got to see his outdoor train setup.

After a good visit and the tour, the five of us headed out for dinner. A nice Mexican restaurant. It was a calm, relaxing visit, which masked the nerves over the drive to come. Having driven Cora's stuff out last fall in basically 3.25 days with no sightseeing, her dad was a bit skeptical of my plan to do it in 4 days, with a lot of sightseeing along the way.

He was right, but that's for a later post. We said our goodbyes and headed back to Cora's mom's for the final bit of packing and prep-work before hitting the road.

Let the adventure begin!

Silent Sunday – Because Words Fail Me Sometimes

2011-08-28T16:22:00.001-05:00

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…

This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest.

2011-08-19T07:30:00.000-05:00

So, by the time you are reading this, I've left to meet Cora and Wednesday out in Seattle* for the weekend. And then we are driving back to Chicago.

Originally, the plan was to rent a car, and drive back. Until we realized that it was bloody expensive to rent a car one way. It was going to cost about $1,300 for the 3 days. For the car. Then gas, food, lodging, etc. With the court case going on, we wanted to save a little money.

So we then looked into having someone ride with us in Cora's car (we've left hers out there for us to drive when we're out there) and then drive the car back. But that fell through.

Then we looked at Amtrak. While we wouldn't get the exact sightseeing we wanted to do, we would get to accomplish another goal of the trip. Wednesday's pet water frogs have been living with grandma since we moved, since they can't fly and you can't ship them.

Finally, we decided to just drive Cora's car back and sell it. When we go our there, we'll rent a car. Since we'll save $75 a month on insurance, we'll either break even or come out a little ahead.

Our planned route is on the map above. Basically, it's I-90. Virtually door to door. But there will be a few side-trips off the interstate and into the wild. We're going to take the better part of 4 days. It will be our quest.

Our current planned side-trips are:

On the bubble:

Devils Tower [Link] – It's cool, but it's just a little out of the way, and and it might be dark when we're passing by. So, it may just be a "Close Encounter".

Unfortunately, the following stops, while they COULD be along our path, aren't.

Little Big Horn National Battlefield National Monument [Link]
Kenmare, ND High School Class Year Rocks. [Link]
Rugby, ND (Geographic Center of North America) [Link]

Fortunately, the following stops, while they COULD be along our path, aren't.

Spoonbridge & Cherry [Link]
Mall of America [Link]
Wisconsin Dells [Link]

Nor will this sight be seen along the way. :-(

* Okay, technically, I'm going to work, then flying out tonight. But I wanted to be DRAMATIC!

This Cheese Stands Alone

2011-08-16T06:30:00.000-05:00

Cheese. Who doesn't like cheese? COMMUNISTS and WEIRDOES! Actually, I bet Communists (insert Wisconsin joke here) even like cheese. So that just leaves weirdoes.

I love cheese. Not all cheese. But a lot of different cheeses. So last year I wasn't afraid to try an unusual cheese at the farmers market:

Cheese the doesn't melt.

It's a Juustalepia from Brunkow Cheese of Wisconsin. A cheese that you can nuke or pan fry, and it will soften, but not become liquid.

This was a plain one we had a few weeks ago. I fried it up in the pan, getting a nice char on the outside.

The cheese has a wonderful, buttery and nutty flavor. Speaking of flavors, they do have multiple flavor of this stuff. We've tried the bacon and the garlic ones. The garlic one is the best of all. I plan on picking some up at the farmer's market on Thursday.

And stocking up before the farmer's market season ends.

What's your favorite cheese? (Cora you don't need to reply. I know of your love of Merkts Swiss Almond Cheese Spread.)

Don't Forget The "Plan" Part Of "Master Plan"

2011-08-15T06:30:00.000-05:00

Sorry about the vagueness of this post, but I have a question:

Have you heard the term "Betting the farm"? Sure you have.

Do you know anyone who ever did it?

For real?

And they lost?

I do.

I want to feel bad for them, but since they ran up their (and our) attorney's billable hours and wanted to stick us with BOTH bills? The judge chewed out their lawyer for even asking. Technically, I guess this is another one of his "wins". Child support will be reduced. But the savings will take him maybe around 18-20 months to recoup. And in the mean time the money could have been used for better things. Like keeping the house. Yeah. Another Pyrrhic victory.

I keep thinking that there has to be some master plan. There's some maneuver that I'm not seeing. Certainly he didn't bet the house on the fact that the courts would make me pay his legal fees on a child support modification case that HE FILED?!? (FYI – He declined to modify the plan last September.)

I would think this was almost a case where the lawyer was taking advantage of the client, and running up the fees.

Expect…

Well, it FEELS like something he would do. Simply not see the forest for the trees. Heck, with single-minded stubbornness, refuse to even notice the trees.

And this is about as much depth as I'm going to go into. Let you know why Cora and I have been so distracted and absent from blogworld recently. (But rumor has it, she's got a post in the works.) So, future posts you have to look forward to are:

More weird pictures I've taken recently.
Cheese the doesn't melt
"Road Trip 2011" as we drive I-90 from Seattle to Chicago, with sightseeing side trips along the way.

Random Bits of Random-ocity

2011-08-09T18:30:00.000-05:00

I've been collecting a whole lot of random bits of fluff and goo around on my hard drive, meaning to share them with you.

And that just hasn't happened, until now…

While cruising thru someecards, I found this gem for the chemists out there:

This one, I created for a friend who has been having good days and bad days.

I look at picture of this, wondering who really would want to smell like Elizabeth Taylor's passion for men. And then she went and died the next day, so I thought I'd not make fun of the recently departed. Then I forgot about the picture.

And then I started to think about who would want to smell like a smell, smoke-filled casino.

And then there's this bike. I see hipster punks riding these around every once in a while. They desperately try to avoid stoplights. (FYI: You'll notice a small step welded by the rear wheel.)

The wife and daughter are heading out of town later this week, leaving me to the bachelor life for 8 whole days. I imagine you'll be hearing more from me as I rattle around the empty condo, lost.

Digging This Commercial

2011-08-08T06:30:00.000-05:00

I've actually been digging some of the new Wal*Mart commercials. And the one that I've really been digging for awhile is the "Don't Paint Me" one.

I would love the mural. I've been searching for a picture of the mural without these two goofs standing in front of it. I would love to use it as my computer wallpaper.

Until then, I guess I'll just have to settle for Neptune's stare-down!

"Don't paint me."? Oh, I want to paint you. On the side of my van.

Or over my bed.

Think about it. That would rule, wouldn't it?

What's you're favorite commercials going around now? If you say "The Hillshire Farms with the chick" then just slink off and don't leave a comment.

Seriously. What's wrong with you?

It's A Trap…

2011-08-04T06:30:00.000-05:00

Tourist trap that is.

Yesterday on Facebook, I tossed out that I was looking for some tourist idea for an upcoming drive from Seattle to Chicago. I already have Crazy Horse, Mt. Rushmore, the Bad Lands, Little Bighorn, Devils Tower, Wall Drug (gotta get me a Jackalope), and of course the Corn Palace in Mitchell, SD.

In the comments, I made an aside to the fact that we would be traveling too far south in the state to hit the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota. I've already seen it, and driving to Darwin, MN (60 miles due west of the Twin(e?) Cities) wasn't going to happen.

Then I realized that some of you may have missed out on ever seeing one of the largest twine balls on the planet (I'll explain in a second*).

So one July, I drove up to the Savage, MN, to see my good friend, T-Bone and his wife. We had a great time, as we always do, when he looks me dead in the eye and asks me if I wanted to see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota.

That's like asking a shark if it wants to dine on some tender surfer toes.

So, off to Darwin we went, to see the largest sisal twine ball built by one person. And there it is, in all it's glory.

God Bless America!

* Wikipedia lists a number of twine balls, using different judging criteria.

Largest sisal twine ball built by one person - Darwin, MN - 17,400 pounds, 40 ft , and weighs 17,400 pounds

Largest sisal twine ball built by a community - Cawker City, KS - 17,886 pounds, 40 feet in circumfrance (and still growing)

Heaviest ball of twine ever built - Lake Nebagamon, WI - 19,336 pounds and growing.

Guinness Book of World Records - Branson, MO - 41.5 feet in circumference

I know what you're thinking: Alright, monkey-boy, play the damn song:

So, what are your memories of the roadside attractions?

International Clown Week - 2011

2011-08-03T06:30:00.000-05:00

Last year, I ran a series on International Clown Week. Based on Google Analytics, my posts that week on "Sexy Clowns" and "Scary Clowns" are still my most popular. I'm not going to do a full week this year (last year, this was the down time between getting married and my wife and daughter moving in).

But I thought I'd share some clowns with you. First off, a little Pockets:

After pockets, let's keep things a little sexy:

And now we see what happens when Kim tracks down that cougar:

And if Kim Bauer isn't scary enough, here's couple pictures to help you sleep well tonight.

But is a cartoon clown doesn't do it for you, how about a crazy clown demon baby?

But then this guy is just all kinds of wrong. WHAT'S UP WITH HIS EYES?!?

I'm not even what to say about this guy…

Don't cry that the blog post is over, smile that it happened.

"Upskirt Photo" or "Marilyn Moon-roe"

2011-07-29T06:30:00.000-05:00

Recently, Chicago got a little flash of Hollywood. On north Michigan Avenue, in a spot called "Pioneer Square", Seward Johnson's "Forever Marilyn" blew into town. You would think a 27 foot woman would know better than to wear a dress like that in a place dubbed, "The Windy City".

On Tuesday at lunch, I walked up to see the statue and snap some pictures.

The funny thing is, I took a picture like this one with my cell phone, posted it to Facebook, and tried to tag that Sassy Carnival Girl, but failed. But about 10 minutes after I posted it, she commented on the picture. Spooky!

That's a "stiff" breeze!

You can see both London and France from here…

Wonder how long it will be before a graffiti artist decides he can't resist the temptation?

Baby got back!

Marilyn, where are your hands? Is that why you're smiling?

Back in 2009, Seward Johnson had another statue in the same plaza. No one was trying to look up her skirt.

My review. I get that it's derivative, and not original. And by looking at Marilyn's feet, I can tell she's going to show some age pretty quick unless she's going to get her makeup done frequently. With all that said, I like it. It put a smile on my face, and it certainly had people talking.

When a problem comes along?

2011-07-28T06:30:00.000-05:00

Sometime, you have to make the joke, even if you are making it for just one person.

FYI – I "borrowed" the base picture from THIS PAGE, where the guy will paint your dog for you. (There, if I'm given him a plug, it's totally okay, right?)

Here's the original:

Okay, fine, here's a link to Devo.

The Anniversary Weekend – Part 2

2011-07-27T06:30:00.000-05:00

Ok, so were did I leave off? Oh, yeah, we dropped Wednesday off at a friend's house and came back downtown for our anniversary dinner. Before we going, we watched our wedding ceremony video, and then went to a neighborhood place called: The Bad Apple.

It's a neighborhood "gourmet burger" place. Chicago is starting to be known for these and gourmet hot dog stands. The most famous are Kuma's Corner and Hot Doug's. Cora and I got cleaned up (and boy does she clean up NICE), and walked to the Bad Apple. I had the "Margherita burger". Fresh mozzarella, tomato, basil pesto on rosemary focaccia bun. It was okay, but there was no real pesto flavor (and I love me some basil). The burger itself was good, but the pesto was so flavorless that it just left the mozzarella and the tomato for support, and they weren't up to the lifting. But I had them put Old Bay seasoning on the fries. Not the most common seasoning in the Midwest. But awesome on fries.

Cora had "The Earthly." A grilled portabella with truffled goat cheese, caramelized onion and spinach on the rosemary focaccia bun. Did she like it? She tried to recreate it at home. And we went back this last Saturday, and she had it again. I tried a bite, and it was GOOOOOD.

When we got home, we had some of our wedding cake. No, we didn't freeze the top layer. When we got our wedding cake, it was from the Safeway grocery store chain. So we just went to our local one, and picked up a cake. Then we danced to our "First Dance" song: Joe Satriani's "Always with me / Always with you".

The next morning (yes, the next morning) we got a text from Wednesday. Then another. Turns out that after we left, the stomach flu hit the girl she was visiting. So, instead of a relaxing morning lounging around on our actual anniversary, we hopped out of bed and got ready for the day. After getting back from the 'burbs the three of us hung out until about dusk. We then headed up to the roof to see the fireworks.

We have a great view of the neighborhoods and the nearby suburbs putting on their shows. It's really awesome. Granted, the pictures don't really do it justice, but they are kind of fun.

The 4th of July was a lot like the 3rd. We hung out. It was insanely hot. We played with some of those snap-n-pop things that explode when you throw them. We also had some of those party poppers. We had a lot of fun with those out back in the alley.

And once again, at night fall, we hit the roof for more fireworks. Cora took her tripod and got some great pictures, but I'll let her share them.

And with that, our first anniversary weekend was over. And with the breakdowns, and the stomach flu, and all of that, I wouldn't change a ding-darn-dang thing.

Happy Birthday, Cora!

2011-07-24T10:14:00.001-05:00

Happy, happy birthday to my lovely, wonderful, smart, sexy, fan-tab-u-lous wife.

Cora, I love you very, very much.

The Anniversary Weekend – Part 1

2011-07-20T06:30:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry to leave you hanging. I write about our upcoming anniversary, then write about a PDF editor, and then nothing. Zilch. Na-Da. Time flies. M' bad.

Friday Night – So Cora's old PC has been driving her bonkers since before she moved here. It's slow. Balky. Hard to reboot. Froze all the time. I knew what the problem was.

<RANT> Attention People @ HP & Best Buy: You should be buggy whipped for selling a Vista machine with 1 GB of RAM. Seriously. I know that TECHNICALLY that was within Microsoft's minimum specs, but you know better. Memory is cheap. Don't sell underpowered machines. </RANT>

At one gig of RAM, she had little memory left for the programs after the operating system took what it wanted.

While she's been using her new laptop for a while, our daughter has been using it, and Cora also used it for scanning and printing, so there was never a good time to take it in and get it upgraded. (Yes, I know I could probably do this myself, but I'm a software guy, not a hardware guy. I'm not cracking the case.)

Friday was the night to take it in.

Due to technical delays (we watched an episode of Battlestar Galactica), we made it to Microcenter around 8:00, and they close at 9:00. We waited and waited and waited in line, reading the sign that reads "Wait to bench 2-3 days." So, at 8:40, when we get up there, I'm a bit shocked that the guy says, "Yeah, we can do that today."

What? You understand that it's Friday? 20 minutes to close? On a holiday weekend? And you said that you would get it done? And they did.

And the machine runs tons better with the 3 GB of RAM. Seriously, if you're running Vista, load up as much RAM into the machine as it can use.

Saturday Afternoon – On Saturday, we had plans to drive out to the suburbs and ~~ditching Wednesday~~ dropping our wonderful daughter off at one of my college friend's. They have a daughter her age, and the girls have been looking forward to seeing each other. We head out there around 2:30. It's about 35 miles, and I knew traffic on I-90 was going to be ugly.

(Back story time: My car has been acting up a little since around Memorial Day weekend. I thought I'd gotten some bad gas. I'd only used about 1/2 a tank, yes, half a tank for the month of June. I'd taken it in to Car-X thinking it was the transmission, but it came back fine.)

We got to "The Junction" and decided that since traffic was at a standstill on I-90, we'd take I-94 north, and then head across on one of the big arterial roads. Just as we passed The Junction, the car started to shake, and the check engine light came on.

Deliberately and without panic, I crossed over 3 lanes of traffic going about 65, and pulled on to the surface streets. As we curled off the exit ramp, this is what we saw (stolen from Google Maps).

A Marathon station.

With two empty service bays.

With the mechanics just sitting around trying not to burst into flames from the heat.

They plugged the car in and the computer told the tale: "Misfire on cylinder 3". So, I needed an emergency tune up, with new plugs and new wiring, etc.

At 3:00 on Saturday on a holiday weekend.

Certainly, we'd used up all our luck the night before on the computer upgrade, right?

Nope! While we walked down the block to a Dunkin Donuts / Baskin Robbins, the mechanic got the parts. While we ate some wonderful ice cream in a nice air conditioned store, they worked on a hot engine. While I took a quick nap, my wife took my picture. (Notice, she's working on a blog post, too!)

At 4:50, I headed back, refreshed, as they were closing up the hood. While I could find another use for the $370 that it cost me, I really don't think I was ripped off too badly, and best of all, we were on the road! We completed the drop-off, and headed back to the city for our anniversary date.

And that's when things got interesting.

Caught In-a-fix

2011-07-07T06:30:00.000-05:00

[Editor's Note: This is not sponsored post. However, I am hoping to get a little something out of it, which I will fully disclose at the end of the post.]

Recently, I've found myself in need of a PDF editor at home. While I have Adobe at work, I really didn't need shell out that kind of cash just to redact a few bank statements. So, I surfed around and found a couple of free PDF Editors out on the web.

And they sucked.

Hard to use. And most really didn't have many features. They were little more that programs to convert documents into PDFs. I wanted a true PDF editor.

Finally, on CNET.com, I ran across the Infix PDF Editor. It really helped with the redacting out of the account numbers on the credit card statements, and with merging multiple single page docs into one multipage document. Pretty easy to use, and the price was right: FREE. (There are other features, but those were the ones I needed.)

However, when you save a document this is the pop-up:

I wasn't too concerned about INfix adding their watermark to the lower right hand corner of each page. After all, it was a small price to pay for no price to pay, right? But then I clicked on the link to find out how to get a full license for free. If I could ditch the watermark, that would be cool, too.

The basic rule to get the free license is to post a review on a public website. Figure this blog should count. In their words:

the web site has to be public - somewhere anyone can get to from a search engine. Creating a dummy, empty web site just for a mini-review is no good, it has to be part of a real site.
The description has to be useful! Something like "I use Infix because it's good" is not helpful to anyone and we wouldn't give you a license for that! Please give a worthwhile account of why other people should try Infix.

So, my final views of INfix are:

The free version isn't Adobe Professional, but that's not a fare comparison. It's a great product for someone who needs basic at home PDF EDITING, not simply CREATING a PDF from a Word document.
My immediate need for this kind of product is over, at least for now. I've already redacted and filed what I needed to redact and file. Yet, I'm writing a review to get the license. Why? Because I don't plan on uninstalling this product. It seemed pretty handy when I needed it, and it will be interesting to see how I will use it in the future.

I Think This Was A Hint…

2011-07-06T06:30:00.000-05:00

Do you suppose this is "wife" for "fold this, ya doofus!"

(Actually, while we might not be technically "newlyweds" any more, the honeymoon is far from over. And we both folded some of the laundry.)

1 vs. 600 – a.ka. Love Letter To Cora

2011-07-03T06:30:00.000-05:00

[Editor's note: By at least one count, this is my 600th blog post (another has it at 594). It's also my 1 year wedding anniversary. So, without further ado…]

Dear Cora;

I love you.

You saved my life. Before we met, I was lost, and had given up on meeting "the one". And then you came along.

I can't believe it's been an entire year since we got married. Sometimes it seems like we've been together forever and other times, it seems like only yesterday (in the "good" way). But I do know one thing: A life time isn't going to be long enough, so I'm going to cherish every single day.

I miss you after we kiss goodbye in the morning, and look forward to seeing you every day when I come home. You have filled my empty condo with love (and Harry Potter collectables). It feels so natural being a husband and father that I almost can't remember what it felt like to not have you and our daughter around. The three of us do make a fabulous family.

A short list of things I love about you. This list is not supposed to be inclusive or in any particular order. But I hope you see that I love everything about you.

I love going grocery shopping with you. Since "Wednesday" doesn't like to come along, it's our special time together.
I love your joy of discovering new things. From Merkt's Swiss and Almond cheese spread to you seeing your first firefly. Your joy is infectious.
I love holding your hand. It's something we do a lot. Tons. And I get a tingle every time my hand touches yours.
I love your butt. There! I said it.
I love your spirit. You're smart and fun and sexy and funny and bring joy and humor to life.
I love being a family man. I never really thought about having children. Figured it wouldn't be in the cards. Now I can't imagine not having a better one than Wednesday. She is such an absolute joy. I love you for making me a husband and a father. That's all you.

The traditional gift for a first anniversary is "paper". The modern gift is "clocks".

So, here is part of your gift, a ticket, back in time:

Our wedding, part #1

Our wedding, part #2

Our wedding, part #3

I didn't think I could ever be happier than I was at that moment. But the truth is, you make me happier each and every day.

So, on this, our first anniversary as a family, I just want to tell you something that I tell you probably 5 times a day, and doesn't feel like enough:

♥ ♥ ♥ I LOVE YOU! ♥ ♥ ♥

I love you with all my heart. You're my wife, my girlfriend, and my best friend all rolled into one.

Yours forever;

Eric

The First Father's Day

2011-06-27T06:30:00.000-05:00

Okay, technically it was MY first Father's Day.

As most of you will remember, it was almost one year ago when that Cora and I got married, and I became a dad. Step-dad, but dad none the less.

It's been a great learning experience as Wednesday and I have grown closer and closer. When walk into the room and she's sprawled on the couch, but raises arms for a hug, well, it makes my day.

So, we had a great Father's day weekend. On Saturday, the 3 of us packed a picnic lunch and some blankets, and headed over to the lake front.


My two gals.	I'm really not grumpy, just looking into the sun makes me seem grumpy.

After the picnic, we climbed the berm that separates the park area from the beach area. We walked the long walk across the beach to the water's edge. And Cora actually put her feet in the water. (With the lake water hovering at about -30° F, I suspect Cora's feet felt right at home! :-) )

Sunday, I got me some presents! No ties. No underwear. But I did get some DVDs, and

Mjolnir!

Break it down, hammer time!

Attention: My next blog post will be on Sunday, July 3rd. It will be a VERY special post. If you can, please come back over the holiday weekend. I don't think you'll regret it.

GODO GOOD

2011-06-26T06:30:00.000-05:00

So, these signs have popped up all over State street in Chicago. I, more than most, appreciate a good does of word play and a creative font. But I think they might have gone a bit too far.

GODO GOOD.

If took me a few seconds to realize that it wasn't "GOOD GOOD" but "GO DO GOOD".

So, who is urging us to action?

What group is trying to stir our civicmindedness?

A religious organization?

The Boy Scouts.

Those hippies that are always on us about trees and whales and dolphins?

Nope, GoDoGoodChicago.com it's an art installation to help raise money to prepare Chicago's school children to succeed.

Want the kids to succeed? Here's a crazy thought. Chicago already has about the shortest school day in the year (8:50 – 2:45), and now they want to take another 10 minutes at the start of the school day to serve breakfast.

More Potter / Pottermore

2011-06-23T05:59:00.000-05:00

Unless you've been locked up in Azkaban you know that Jo "J.K." Rowling is making an announcement today. Actually, if I've timed this post right, in about a minute.

RIGHT HERE ON YOUTUBE!

So I'm gonna make a guess as to what has the Potterverse as twitchy as a pixie hopped up on Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans. I suspect it's going to be an on-line site where fans can find MORE POTTER merchandise. Because what the world needs is a place on the web where people can find all the various bits of pottaphernalia under one roof.

Some place like: Lord Val*Demart's!

(Yes, he's picking his nose with his wand.)

Actually, I suspect it's a massive multiple player on-line game. Not "Farmville" but "Charmville".

And the wife is obsessed with the fact that the font of "Pottermore" isn't the "Harry Potter" font with the lightening bolt. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!?

This Just In!

2011-06-22T06:30:00.000-05:00

I was sitting at my desk the other day, and I looked over at my Stickman Action figure that my wife gave me for Christmas, and I realized:

When I realized it was really an Anthony Weiner Action figure.

I know I need some serious help.

If It's Monday, It Must Be The The Muppets

2011-06-13T06:30:00.000-05:00

I could write some stuff and blather and blather and blather, but would you care? I'm bringing you Muppets! Did you know the Muppets had their own YouTube channel?

Why was I not informed of this? Here's some music to start things off:

The Muppets: Bohemian Rhapsody

The Muppets: Ode To Joy

The Muppets: Habanera

And while that's cool, what's hot is they also have "The Muppets Kitchen With Cat Cora".

"Cat Cora", for those of you who aren't FoodNetwork devotees, is one of the favorite Iron Chefs in our household, for many reasons, not the least of which are:

1) She's the sole female Iron Chef.

2) She shares the name with my wonderful, awesome, amazing wife. Maybe not the same skillz in the kitchen.

3) She's a lot better looking than Julia Child was.

I hope that you aren't watching these as you are trying to run out the door to work. These things can be hypnotizing and before you know it, you've spent hours just gazing at them. The VIDEOS, not Cat Cora's legs. (Now MY Cora's legs, them things will hyp-MO-tize me for hours on end.)

Is it just me, or…

2011-06-12T06:30:00.000-05:00

Separated @ Birth


US Representative Anthony Weiner	Dustin "Screech" Diamond

Is it just me, or do these two look a lot alike?

And have the same career prospects?

Dustin Diamond – Next job – Star of "Tetherball: The Movie"

Anthony Weiner – Next job – Member of "Sexual Congress"

What Do You Doo-Doo?

2011-06-02T06:30:00.000-05:00

The scene: You get up in the morning and head to the bathroom. Before showering, you decide that it's a good idea to evacuate the old bowels. After making your deposit and flushing it down, do you:

A – Perform the standard amount of "paperwork".

B – Just fill out the "short form". No sense wasting too much paper, you're headed for the shower now anyway.

C – Pull the " 'Bama Bidet" routine, and just clean up in the shower.

Cora and I were lounging around last weekend, and I asked her that very question.

"THE STANDARD AMOUNT! THE STANDARD AMOUNT!" was her hysterical reply.

Then she paused and asked, "What about you?"

-- Silence --

"You didn't respond right away! You didn't respond right away!"

I just laid there grinning as she continued to squeal and squirm.

And I never did answer the question.

Revenge of the CueCat

2011-05-31T06:30:00.000-05:00

Most of you won't remember this dude: The CueCat.

This little guy was going to be the end all and be all of computer peripherals in the early 2000's. I even remember seeing an infomercial on it (scoured the webs to no avail) set in the future, where they started the years over at "BQ" and "AQ" for "Before CueCat" and "After CueCat". It was shockingly bad.

The product was almost universally panned. The Tech-Blog I read, Gizmodo, named it the worst invention of the "2000s". Ouch. Worse, Quicken has it on their list of Frightening Finances: 12 Epic Failures, along with such things as The Spruce Goose, WebVan, the Tacoma Narrows Bridge, IndyMac Bank and the Ford Edsel. That's painful.

But what was it? Well, it was a bar code reader. Certain products, news papers, and magazines (I remember 'Parade' specifically) had these special bar codes in them that would allow you to scan the barcode, and it would take you to that website. (See, it's a "cat" to go along with your "mouse". And you wonder why it failed.) The barcodes were proprietary, so you had to bring everything to your hulking desktop computer with its dial-up modem, connect to the internet, and then scan the barcode to read more of that in-depth interview Parade had with Alf.

Oh, and they also had the "good idea" that they would imbed audible codes into commercials, so that if you were on line, AOLing with your peeps, it would launch a new browser and take you (slowly) to the companies website.

And to make matters worse, so people figured out hacks to make the product useful, like for scanning in their books' ISBN numbers in.

Surprisingly, this product crashed and burned.

But, the idea just won't die. There are tonnes of these "2D barcodes"

Microsoft has their own "Microsoft Tag" that uses colored triangles.
Data Matrix tags are squares of back and white dots.
AT&T has one, just like Data Matrix's.
There's an open source one called QR codes.

That's the one that I put up in my banner, the QR code. Maybe you've see them around? If your smartphone has the right software, you can scan the codes and go right to the web site. Cora and I bought some strawberries and the plant stakes had QR codes on them, so you could get more info on the plant while you were away from the computer.

If your interested in generating you own, this site will do it for free. In the mean time, watch out for something like this plastered on your local bus stop, office bulletin board, and drunken hobo. So, download a QR reader to your smartphone today.

Daddy needs to go on a readship drive.

(Actually, I have a separate blog I use for my Christmas newsletter, and then just send a slip of paper with a URL in the card. I think I'll add a QR link next year. Not that anybody would know what it was, but it would be cool.)

What do you know, Scope-Tech actually talking tech!

The One Where I Impersonate The BeckEye

2011-05-26T06:30:00.000-05:00

And now let me do my BeckEye imitation and do an American Idol post. I've been watching all season, so, let ol' Scope look into his CrystalBallersox, and see what the future holds for our Idols.

And unlike the judges this season, limited sunshine will get blown up their asses.

ASHTHON JONES
25 years old | Valdosta, GA

KAREN RODRIGUEZ
21 years old | New York, NY

#13 Ashthon Jones & #12 Karen Rodriguez: Have futures on the side of milk cartons and asking people, "Do you want fries with that" after making it into the final 13, but missing out on the tour. I'd say, "See ya." But, no. No we won't.

THIA MEGIA 16 years old \| Hayward, CA	NAIMA ADEDAPO 26 years old \| Milwaukee, WI
#10/#11 Thia Megia: After the Idol summer tour is over, Thia already has a standing gig. She will be doing the 3:00, 5:00, & 7:00 shows, Saturday & Sunday at Disneyland, singing the songs from "Mulan" & " Pocahontas". Visitors will be heard to remark, "She's almost as lifelike as the audio-animatronics in the Hall of Presidents at Disneyworld. But they still can't make the eyes look alive."	#10/#11 Naima Adedapo: Giving up her summer job cleaning toilets at Milwaukee's SummerFest grounds to tour with the Idols this summer won't be the career limiting move that some might imagine. She'll play some of the swankier locales in the Milwaukee area, including The World Famous Brat Stop in Kenosha. (She'll probably open for Cheap Trick.)

PIA TOSCANO
22 years old | Howard Beach, NY

#9 Pia Toscano: Pia will have a reality mini-series where Maury Povich and Geraldo Rivera investigate to see if Pia is a lost Kardashian. In the end, despite DNA evidence,it will be proven that she is not a Kardashian.

Pia she has discernable talent, and has yet to appear in a sex tape.

PAUL MCDONALD 26 years old | Huntsville, AL

#8 "Dancin' Paul" McDonald: Will taking his dancing style and freakishly white teeth back to the south, where he will be playing the finest hotel/motel lounges in the inappropriately named Memphis – Nashville – Chattanooga – Birmingham Triangle.

While "Hooterville" is outside those boundaries, a pretty boy like Paul with all his teeth will do just fine in those parts with the ladies. And with the boys, if he takes an ill-advised canoe trip and hears banjo music.

(Some jokes are just too perfect. Cora dislikes Paul very, very, very much.)

STEFANO LANGONE
22 years old | Kent, WA

#7 Stefano Langone: Post Idol tour, Stefano will form a "boyband" with his roommate and fellow former Idol Sanjaya Malakar called "The Seattle Sevenths". Sadly, their first concert will be their last. The instant Sanjaya opens his pie hole, Stefano beats him to death with a microphone stand. His defense of, "That's how we do things in Kent," gets him acquitted, and a key to the city.

CASEY ABRAMS
20 years old | Wilmette, IL / Idyllwild, CA

#6 Casey Abrams: Casey, escaping early elimination that would have kept him out of the tour, continues his close calls. After ending his relationship with fellow Idol, Haley (after the tour, natch, so that it won't be awkward, and it's not like he's got a shot @ Pia), Casey plays a series of blues and jazz clubs. Angry boyfriends and husbands are on the lookout for "The Fuzzy Wuzzy Blues Man" after Casey gave their girlfriends and wives a lesson in playing his "upright bass".

JACOB LUSK
23 years old | Compton, CA

#5 Jacob Lusk: Will be performing Sunday morning in the Gospel choir.

And Tuesdays thru Saturdays in the Baton Club's drag show review, performing the best of Aretha Franklin.

No one buys for a minute that he is just cross-dressing for the show.

JAMES DURBIN 22 years old | Santa Cruz, CA

#4 James Durbin: James will release the most successful CD of this year's contestants. Unfortunately, he'll blow it all on bandanas and tails. A "Behind the Music" film crew follows him around 24/7.

Waiting.

Just.

Waiting.

HALEY REINHART 20 years old | Wheeling, IL

#3 Haley Reinhart: Without the pressure of being in the finals, Haley has a long career in music, playing mid-sized clubs across the country and putting out an album every few years.

One night, Randy Jackson tells her that she still hasn't found herself musically, and she kicks him in the balls.

Haley then takes over his place as an Idol judge, and actually offers coaching and valuable critiques and comments to the contestants.

American Idol's numbers plummet and the show is canceled.

LAUREN ALAINA
16 years old | Rossville, GA

#2 Lauren Alaina (Suddeth): Goodie-Goodie Lauren, who had trouble even singing the word "EVIL" will learn all about the dark side of the music industry from a roadie in the back of her tour bus, aided by a bottle of Jack, a joint, 6 boxes of HoHo's and Nirvana's "Nevermind" CD.

None of them used as you'd first imagined.

Amazingly, Lauren manages to technically remain a virgin until she visits Steven Tyler's house on her 18th birthday.

Dubbed "Next Brittany" by the press, Lauren Alaina flames out, cleans up, flames out, gets "Born Again" (again) and cleans up for for good. She tries to become a serious artist be reclaiming her last name of "Suddeth". And that's where the comparisons to Brittany Spears end.

SCOTTY MCCREERY
17 years old | Garner, NC

#1 Scotty McCreery: Scotty's post Idol career get cut tragically short when some crazee chick named "Ann" goes all "Kathy Bates / #1 Fan" on his mudflapped head.

After being rescued by the Texas Rangers (the baseball team, not the police organization), Scotty is only able to sing out of the LEFT SIDE of his mouth, effectively ending his career.

And if you're looking for a real recap of last night's show, I'm certain the afore mentioned BeckEye will have a hysterical recap up by the time you read this.