10-10-10 – Marathon Hints and Tips


Tomorrow, 10-10-10, is the Chicago Marathon.

As a 2 time marathoner (I did the 2003 edition in 4:21:48 – 15,981st place) and a Chicagoan, I thought I would offer some helpful hints for those of you running your first marathon.

Avoid eating White Castle, Popeye's Fried Chicken, or chili the night before the race.  If you crap yourself at the 6 mile point, you have to live in your filth for another 20 miles.  And that shit is gonna start chafing.

If you crap yourself, no one is offering you a ride to your hotel, either.

Speaking of chafing.  Wear band-aids over your nipples.  Or at least wear a black, red, or orange shirt.  No one wants to see your bloody streaks on the front of your shirt from mile 16 onward.

If you ignore the previous advice, take extra care when getting in the shower, because when the water hits your raw nipples, that STINGS LIKE HELL!

Avoid the first few aid stations.  They will only slow you down, and you walk with the herd for the first two miles before you can even START jogging.  Plus, since you've been "hyper-hydrating" all night, you've already bespoiled 3 sets of Depends undergarments before the race even started.  There is a thing as "too much water" pee boy.

If you don't have a lot of friends lining the course to cheer for you, put your name in big bold letters on the front of your shirt.  People will read it, and shout your name in encouragement.  "Go Eric!"

It's even funnier to write "NADS" on the front of your shirt, so people shout "GO NADS!"

Left.  Right.  Left.  Right. X 26.2

On Monday, when people say, "You ran 26 miles?", be a dick and correct them.  "It's 26.2 miles.  The .2 matters."  People will appreciate the attitude.

Pheidippides ran the first marathon from Marathon to Athens.  He announced victory for the Greek army, then dropped dead.  If you croak after crossing the finish line, they aren't going to rename the race in you honor, so lighten the hell up, and enjoy the run.

* Yes, that's a picture of me running the marathon, not some random Google image.

** Yes, I have my own bottle of water with me, that I would fill at aid stations every once-in-a-while.  Run like you train.  I trained with water.  I ran with water.  Probably saved me 10 minutes of time not having to deal with the crowds, and being able to take a hit whenever I needed it.


Scope said...

And be sure to clip your toe nails pre-race.

But not too close.

And for god sakes, don't eat the clippings. That's GNASTY!

Shana said...

You are just full of good advice!!!!

Tom said...

I didn't know you were a runner. That is some great advice. Funny stuff. I'd like to add one more. If you can run a half marathon in under two hours, don't assume a full one will be easy to do in 4. For some reason the math doesn't play out like it should.

J.J. in L.A. said...

Umm, shouldn't you avoid eating White Castle anyway? ; )


Cora said...

See, Kramer and Frank Costanza were right, the Manzier IS a good idea - bye-bye nipple chaffing!

Ellie Mae said...

Thanks for sharing the photo! I remember you shared many of these gems with Sam when he started running. He ran 7 this morning.

Anonymous said...

love love love White Castle.

Jan @ Struck by Serendipity said...

Nice picture! I know it's a little late, but congratulations on finishing the races! Very impressive!

MJenks said...

The marathon isn't named after Pheidippides. It's named after the Battle of Marathon.

I see your distance pedanticism and raise you a historic one.

Lisa-tastrophies said...

LOVE IT!!! And now as I train for my first half marathon - no sense in tucking it all up on the first try - I will remember my Scope Approved Pre-Race Check List.
(Please tell me they have port-a-potties along the course - other wise, I will be hitting on people's doors asking to use their facilities)