Congratulations Candy!


Right about now, our very own Candy, of Candy's daily Dandy should be walking down the aisle.

Wedding aisle.  Not grocery store aisle, you twit!

So three cheers for Candy!

Hip Hip Hooray!

Hip Hip Hooray!

Hip Hip Hooray!



Plan-BMy cousin is a pharmacist @ the Fartmart there in town, and he reports that he can tell the V.U. is back in session because his store was sold out of the "Plan B" morning after pill.

It appears that "Plan A'" (Abstinence) and
"Plan C" (Condoms) were also in short supply.

While I'm certain that they have restocked, due to limited supply and high demand, please plan you drunken anonymous hookups accordingly.


This has been a public service announcement from your friends at SCOPE-TECH.

Yes – This is a Facebook repost.  But it's too funny not to use again.

No – This isn't the weirdest part of our conversation.  THAT involved the FBI questioning someone we know for 3 days. 


Art Attack 3: In 3D

Well, the blog isn't in 3D, but the art sure is. Thought I would bring you some crazy art projects that I've run across in downtown Chicago.

Many of them are associated with Pop-Up Art Loop Chicago. It's a project that turns empty store fronts into temporary art galleries.

It appears that Andy isn't the only one growing up in the Toy Story universe. It appears that Sid, the neighbor kid from the first movie, has also grown into an artist. I saw these back in January, but I cannot seem to find any information on the artist on the website.



A brain and false teeth under glass.

2 Toys Enter – 1 Toy Leaves


Reminds me of this one weekend in college.

Nothing is tougher than this.

But there's another bit of 3D art that you've just got to see. Went with the girls to take a look at it on Saturday.

It's call "The Eye". For fairly obvious reason, I would guess.

EYE-04 EYE-03 EYE-02

It's a 30 foot tall fiberglass eyeball. It's on display at State & Van Buren. And it can creep you out seriously. Until October. When it goes away.

Miro-StatueThe girls and I then hit a few more art installations like the Miro. Who doesn't like a statue with a giant fork sticking out of its head?

And then went to a gallery with some really interesting glass work. It was a special multidimensional fused glass art. "Unfortunately", we spent so much time actually talking to the artist, that we forgot to snap some photos. Here is a LINK to the gallery, and to Michelle Rial's website.

After a lunch at "In Fields" (a restaurant in Macy's) where we had a grand lunch of a cheese burger (me), chicken tenders (Gwen), and a chicken and cheese sandwich on cinnamon bread with apple smoked bacon (Cora), we wandered over to Millennium Park, and then down the lake front gorgeous lakefront to the "Museum Campus".

Swelter in the August sun and nearly dead from heat stroke, we couldn't wait to get the "L" back home, ditch this "culture" stuff, and watch some more Simpsons.

And now, some extra pictures that didn't really fit in the narrative. Mostly because that dang Miro picture was too tall:





It's A Sign

Welcome Sign

Sunday – After a LONG day Saturday of working, Sunday called for a little road trip. I drive out to the suburbs for my oil changes to a place I've been going for over 15 years.

Partly out of habit.

Partly because it's nice to get out and actually drive my car for a change. (Remember, I have a 2001 with about 46,000 miles.)

But mostly, it's a good way to see some college friends who live about 5 blocks from the shop. So while I was getting the oil change, Cora and Gwen went to Target and Staples to wrap up the back to school shopping. Hanging with the friends was great. They have a daughter Gwen's age, and they get along pretty well (Gwen met MG both other times she was here.).

As the week's gone on, every day has started to feel even more normal. Walks around the park. Family dinners. Hanging our watching old Simpson's episodes. Waking up next to my wife.

Sorry I haven't been posting too much recently. But I have been doing my best to keep caught up on all of you. Life's just been a little busy recently.

And life?

It's good.


Guess What?

Cora & Gwen arrived on Thursday. Safe and sound.

Still not sure when their STUFF is arriving, but they brought as much clothing and immediate need items on the plane with them, so they're good.

They've been trying to relax, after a very busy summer. I'm letting them sleep and rest and just BE in a place not filled with moving boxes.

Yesterday, we walked to the Dollar General, and picked up a lot of school supplies, and then it was off to the grocery store to get the fixings for "Big Sandwich". Here's a photo from the archives of a "Big Sandwich" from the past.


As you can see, it earns the name. (And we ate around 2:30 and no one was hungry enough to have supper later.)

Then, since I work in the glamorous world of Information Technology, I had to work most of the time from 4:45 to 11:00 at night Saturday, on line and on a conference call, so the girls played board games in our bedroom. :-( But there was a gap in there for us to take a walk of a couple of laps around the park. :-) And I had to crawl out of bed to start work at 6:45 this morning (Sunday).

Only to realize I was supposed to start at 7:45! So, instead of waking my beautiful bride, I thought I would start a blog post, while listening to a very annoying jazz loop of hold music. It was SAXY. It was not SEXY.

Today should be filled with more Back-to-School shopping and maybe an oil change.

I'm gonna enjoy the heck out of this.


Photoshop Time Machine – This Ain't No Hot Tub

While reading the tech blog Gizmodo the other day, I ran across THIS POST.  The work is by a Russian photographer, Sergey Larenkov.  He took some World War II photographs and melded them with modern photos taken so that the perspectives match.

The results look like a rift in the space/time continuum has opened.

Very cool.

Above is Marshal of the Soviet Union Georgy Zhukov on the rubble and tourist strewn steps of the German Reichstag.

You can see more of his work at his blog: Эхо блокады.

Oh, yeah, I'm so excited about Cora and Gwen moving in today, I can't sleep. I'm writing this at 12:34 am, posting it at 6:30 am, and their flight arrives at 5:30 pm.  See, I can get all twisty with time, too.


It's Official!

 Got background.  Not Afraid to use it.
Cora & Gwen will be moving here.

This week.

They will arrive Thursday evening.

Now if you will excuse me, I have to whip (& spank) the domestic staff around here into getting this place ready for the new ladies of the house.

I'm worried about Fifi.  She takes things pretty hard.

Now, if I could just Photoshop the condo into shape…

No-detailed details: Cora had her meeting with the county commissioner yesterday (aka Commissioner Gordon), and things went her way.  She and Gwen are free to move, and will be doing so Thursday.  There's still mediation in September and a court date in October, so it's not FINAL, but I will be picking them up from the airport when they arrive HOME after work on Thursday.  Obviously, don't expect a lot from me, electronically, the next week or so while things settle it.  But, I will try to keep up on Facebook on the "L".  (Blogs are a little hard to read on the Blackberry.)

I'm so excited.  This is almost more exciting than when she said "Yes".

Almost. ;-)


Street Racing: It's A Drag


I've been going out to see Cora every other month for a a year and a half now, and frequently see this sign by the Tukwila Mall.



T.M.C 872

I've always been perplexed by this.  Based on the sign, it seems to imply that street racing is not permitted at night, when this section of town should be mostly empty.  And therefore, it must be perfectly legal during the daylight hours when granny is taking the kids to get some more piercing at Claire's.

Turns out, no, they are not sponsoring their own version of "Death Race 2010".  Street racing is illegal all hours of the day.  (Drat!) The sign, according to our friends at KOMO 4 News, is designed to help police target not just the racers (who probably have faster cars than the cops, and can out run them), but also the attendees, who, most likely, are not in vehicles at the time, making them far easier to catch.  [Link to Q&A]

For some reason, Washington state legal proceedings have been on my mind recently. :-)


Okay, So I Lied

I thought I was done with the clowns, too.  But I just couldn't let this go.


Guess What Week It Is, Kiddies? Clown Sausage

Clown-Meat-02As you can imagine, spending 2 weeks doing clown research (I've been planning this for a while) on the internets will provide you with a whole lot of clown related content that does not easily fit into neat little packages.  So, I'm gonna sweep up the scrapes, and deliver unto you some fine clown sausage.

Like that little hunk of bologna over there.  I'm just imagining going after that with a knife, and slicing off a sliver.

Would you fry it?  Smother it in ketchup so it looked like blood?

I was looking of a website that would take your picture and turn you into a clown.  That's how I eventually found Scott's Evil Clown Generator.  While I was searching, I did all kinds of searches.  Nothing was working.  I wanted something like the Obama-Me tool, but made you into a clown.

So I did an image search on: "Obama-Me" clown


And thrown under the bus by my own wife!  That's gonna leave a mark. (But at least she says she loves me, so I will forgive her.)

A while back, when I was writing a post that I never published about my bother's wife not attending our wedding, I was looking for a good image of a nuclear mushroom cloud.

And found these guys.  Was going to use them in the "Scary Clown" post, but it was too long anyway.

Mushroom Cloud Clown - Green Mushroom Cloud Clown - Red

I ran across the "Rainbo Bright" train wreck clown over there while I was working on the "Sexy Clown" post, but she didn't make the cut.  Pinkie over there, I found when I was looking for a good copy of the luncheon meat poster above.  Hard to tell age there, though.

Still Not Sexy

          The Jury's Still Out

Non-Sexy-Clown-01 Sexy? Clown?

This next little set of nightmares well, they defy explanation, but I'm gonna try anyway.

633745538656523260-clowns 1280686416598_a9ad3
I'm not sure what the hell kind of party this was.  I'm sure as hell glad I wasn't invited.  But I did promise you "clown sausage" and this is as close to "clown porn" as I was going to get. I was looking for "clown dentist" and almost used this one.  But then I found the one that I used, colored the hair, eyebrows and eyes, and went that way instead.
Clown Train

I believe this haunting image is from the abandoned amusement park in Chernobyl.
That makes it doubly sad and haunting.

This next one is a song I've never really liked.  Way to sad.  But, it's sung by an actress that I love, and have seen perform live on the London stage, so without further ado, Dame Judy Dench singing "Send In The Clowns" from the musical "A Little Night Music".

WOW! That was depressing.  Let me end clown week with one of my favorite clowns from my childhood.  Captain Kangaroo's "The Town Clown".

Well, it looks like I'm done clowning around.  Not sure what topics I will tackle next, but whatever they are, they're gonna have some mighty large shoes to fill!


Stop Clowning Around – Random Bits Of Life


Tonight, I'm off to meet Beck-Eye from The Pop-Eye, and a few others after work for some beverages.  She's in town for Lollapalooza, so I simply could not resist spending way more time than necessary creating that graphic.

Super excited about it.

But nervous.  She's hip and trendy enough to go to Lollapalooza and can probably even get away with calling it "Lolla" without sounding like a dork. Me?  I once got "Liz Phrair" and "Lilith Fair".  Hint: Ones a pixie-ish MILF.  The other is a concert series attended by women who don't shave their arm pits. Anyway, I hope I don't totally embarrass myself by saying something uncool like: "I like Hockey's 'Song Away'.  Way do they get lower billing than Erykah Badu, when she can't even spell 'Erica' correctly?  And don't get me started on 'Sade'!  It's pronounced 'Sadie', dammit!"

And it all goes down hill from there.

I will update you next week on all the stuff that I'm not sworn to secrecy on.

Scope's Tip Of The Day: When washing 9 of your dress shirts for work, you might want to make sure that there isn't a blank ink pen in the pocket.  Very bad things can happen.  Very expensive.  Very bad.

Shirt-01 Shirt-02

It looks like SOME of the dark blue shirts MAY be salvageable.  That's good news at around $60 each, I wasn't looking forward to spending the money that way right now, especially since some of them were pretty new.  I'm using a combination of tests to determine if they are wearable:

  1. 3 Foot Test – If the ink spot isn't noticeable from 3 feet away, unless you know where to look, it's good.
  2. Lunch Test – If the shirt isn't any more stained that it would be after a typical lunch, then it's good.

And "No", the pen didn't survive, either.  (And I think the pen actually broke in the drier, so I didn't see any damage until I has already set the stains!)

Happy Anniversary (Tuesday) to my lovely wife and daughter.  1 month.

Cora is still in Washington, packing and sorting and sorting and packing.  I know she feels bad for not visiting your blogs or posting anything herself, but we should find out more about when she can move next week, and if the answer comes down in our favor, she wants to be packed and ready.

Ron's-Bronze You Can't Spell 'BRONZE' Without 'RON' – My friend Ron, you may remember him from the time he spotted me $5 [LINK], just won a bronze medal in the Men's +35 Standard Dance at the Gay Games in Cologne, Germany.

I don't know that I know anybody else that has won a medal in international competition before.

Way cool.  Way to go, Ron!

Hopefully this has gotten you up-to-date on what's been going on while I've been clowning around all week.


Guess What Week It Is, Kiddies? Sexy Clowns?

Evil Clowns Need Love Too

Sure.  Evil clowns need them some loving, too.  All those balloon animals.  All those seltzer bottles going off all the time.  It's enough to make any "happy on the outside" clown a "crying on the inside" clown.

What, you don't believe me?

Guess you've never heard of a HARLEQUIN ROMANCES then.

Yesterday, we saw that it was really easy to be for clowns to be creepy.

But what about sexy?

Can a clown be sexy?

I searched the entire internets, and I have to report that while it can be done, it is much, much easier to fail miserably at the attempt.  I had even switch over to mimes, eff'n mimes, to finish the list.


Done Right!

Done Wrong!


She's into the French style of doing it.


Madonna in cold cream?
An overdone Pearl Necklace facial?

Even when single, drunk at a Halloween party, I couldn't try to pick her up.

No matter how powerful her lungs are from making all those balloon animals.  Afraid that when she was finished, she twist my noodle into a poodle.


I'd like to see her trapeze act.

Knows how to use tongue.  Doesn't help.


Is she a clown, or imitating Rudolph?
Does it really matter?


I stayed away from using Pennywise in yesterday's post, but you didn't think I could not have Clown Week and not
include IT, do you?


She has to be a clown, because that ain't her birthday suit.


Playing with his balls.


Normally, I dislike mimes.  But Christina Ricci really makes the outfit work.


He doesn't.
Less is not more, sometimes.


A little Fabio for the ladies. 


You've heard of "6 pack abs"?
John Travolta here's got a pony keg.


Not Amy Winehouse.

And this one.  Well, I can't even put this one on the webpage.  It's totally NSFW and very, very wrong.

I dare you to click the link.
You've been warned.


See, now that cannot be unseen, and that will now haunt your dreams for the rest of your days.  And maybe beyond.

Just Plain Wrong!


Happy Meal in deed!


She bites things.


Party balloons!

But the least sexy clown in the world?  That's easy.  It's Shakes.  Shakes the Clown, aka "The Citizen Kane Of Alcoholic Clown Movies."  Don't believe me?

Or watch the full length feature HERE.  See if you can last the first scene with Florence Henderson basking in the glow of "post clown-sex".