"It had a spell put on it by an old fakir," said the sergeant-major, "a very holy man. He wanted to show that fate ruled people's lives, and that those who interfered with it did so to their sorrow."
As told in W.W. Jacobs's 1902 horror story, The Monkey's Paw, be careful what you wish for. There can be unintended consequences.
Since it's about that Halloween time of the year, I thought I would put a spin on Sass's "Things I Want Thursday" but starting a "Monkey Paw" game. (I played a very similar game last year on a blog that is no longer around, and LOVED IT!)
Here's the deal: In the comments section below, one person makes a wish. The next commenter fulfills that wish with a tragic and/or grizzly outcome (when I grant wishes they will usually result in death a horrible death for the wisher). And then they make their wish.
Scope said…
I wish I had a million dollars.
PhD. Phreise said…
100,000,000 pennies fall from the sky crushing you to death.
I wish I had a pony.
It's okay if the thread splits and winds as people grant wishes, that's part of the fun. I would also encourage you to [X] the little box in the comments section to "Email follow-up comments" to you.
I also hope that people keep granting and making wishes far into the future on "Scope's Monkey Paw Trial Game".
Now, get wishing…
45 comments:
I wish I had a million dollars.
You get your million dollars, but as you are celebrating it with a happy dance on the sidewalk the armored truck which is delivering it loses control and runs you over. You die.
I want a Ferrari.
You have a Ferrari, but it's Enzo Ferrari's dead body in a box. (But a cool Halloween decoration none the less).
I want cheeseburger with lettuce and tomato, Heinz 57 and French Fried potatoes, a big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer. That would be paradise.
The beef is infected with mad cow disease, the cheese is moldy, the lettuce has e-coli, the tomato is overripe, the pickle has a big bug on it and the beer is light beer.
I wish I had a miniature monkey paw key chain.
You get the miniature monkey paw key chain, only to find out that it's possessed, and in the middle of the night it climbs off of the table, into your bed, down your throat, and chokes you in your sleep.
I wish I could get a b(.)(.)b job. ;)
YOu get a b(.)(.)b job which weighs you down so much that you fall forward and drown in your carrot and coriander soup.
I want a huge cream cake.
The cream contains monosodium glutamate!
...That's bad.
I wish someone would do my work for me today.
Richard Simmons shows up at the lab, Mjenks. 'Nuff said.
I wish for a puppy.
Cora the puppy licks your mouth and gives you some doggy version of H1N1 and you start to bark uncontrollably and lick your own butt.
I wish for sunshine.
Sunshine, suntan, sunburn, skin c-word.
I wish I had a top of the line stereo system.
You get your awesome stereo system. While blaring music, you bust your eardrums & can't hear the tornado sirens. You go outside to take out the trash & you are swept up in the tornado & carried to Arkansas or Kentucky. The worst part is that you survived the tornado but your busted eardrums made you disoriented & you live out the remainder of your life with the local rednecks.
(too much?)
I wish my dogs could talk!
You dogs can talk but they never shut up, and they mostly complain about their lives, gossip about the neighborhood dogs and talk about their many physical ailments.They complain about their dog food and make rediculous requests for fillet mignon at 4:30 am at your bedside.
I wish for an extended vacation to Italy.
You get stuck in my family's hometown. (I can't think of a worse fate than to have to spend one day let alone an entire vacation with my family.)
I wish I had something better to do today than play this game. Not that this game isn't fun. But shouldn't I be working right now?
(Excellent game, Scope. LOL @ wigsf "the beer is light beer" - nooooooo!" & mjenks "The cream contains monosodium glutamate! ...That's bad.")
You have something better to do than play this game, but it's only better in the moral sense of the word: you have to help bathe stinky hoboes.
I wish I had a pet miniature horse.
You get your miniature horse, but he's a biter, you lose 2 fingers before you put Buttercup Fantastico down.
I wish people would stop calling me on my work phone, and e-mail me like I want.
You get your wish as your phone stops working all together which makes everyone email you but come to find out your email has a secret signature you never knew about that is your head on a nekkid Mickey Rooney's body. Everyone is tramatized and blinded!
I wish the rain would go away in time for trick or treating.
The rain leaves you, but comes to me and makes me even crosser than I am, and I go postal and murder everyone before the flood carries away all the bodies. I get off scott free for temporary insanity and nobody being able to find the bodies. Muhahahahahaha!
I wish that the Doctor was real. (Hell yes, I said it.)
The Doctor is real, but he hangs mostly in England. But, Kirk is from Iowa, and you're his GRANDMOTHER!
I wish I had one of them floor sweeping robot thingies.
Ouch, dude. That wasn't even fair...
Your floor-sweeping robot eats your shoes constantly.
I wish that could become a published author.
You're a published author, but the book is a tell-all about your stint as the Flood Murderer, and lands you in jail... (see what I did there?)
I wish someone would com and magically fix everything that's broken in my house.
Someone fixes everything that is broken in your house, but in the process (like Cora's landlord), breaks enough other stuff so that balance is maintained in the brokeness of your life.
I wish that Falcon had actually been in that balloon.
He was actually in the balloon, but so were you.
I wish I had something approaching a social life instead of making multiple comments on this thread.
You have a social life, but you become such a social butterfly that a lepidopterist catches you and adds you to his collection.
(PS - I think when I played this last year, I had like 30 of the 100 or more comments that it got.)
I wish I had a Red Ryder carbine-action, two hundred shot Range Model air rifle with a compass in the stock and a thing which tells time.
You get your Red Ryder carbine-action, two hundred shot Range Model air rifle with a compass in the stock and a thing which tells time. But you shoot your eye out.
(Come on, you set me up!)
I wish I had tennis shoes that would allow me to walk in the rain without getting my feet sogggy.
You have tennis shoes that allow you to walk in the rain without your feet getting soggy, but you have to walk on your hands. All the blood runs to your head, making you dizzy. You pass out in the street and get run over by a bus and now all of you is soggy.
I wish the sun would come out and make a rainbow and that I find the pot of gold at the end of it and the leprechaun is actually George Clooney who falls madly in love with me.
The sun comes out and makes a rainbow and you find the pot of gold at the end of it and the leprechaun is actually George Clooney who falls madly in love with you, but then every other straight woman in the world gangs up on you and scratches your eyes out so you can't enjoy his delicious looks.
I wish I had a lifetime supply of Marshmallow Fluff.
You have your lifetime supply of Marshmallow Fluff, but it turns out it only needed to last you 5 minutes due to an unfortunate misundersatnding with the Stay Puft Marshmellow Man.
I wish I had one more entrant in the Breast Cancer ChariTITTY challenge. We're @ $49!
You do get one more photo but it is of your most scary aunt and she misunderstood the contest and showed a full frontal photo with your Uncle holding them up so they don't get dirty.
I wish my work was done. I wish the bulletins were folded (the most boring job ever)... Yes I work at a church... don't ask lol
Hmmm... yes nakedness is a theme with me. :D I got like a naughty church secretary thing going on here... don't knock it! lol
You no longer have to fold the bulletins, but having done that job myself, I don't volunteer to do it. So your scary naked aunt has to do it, with your uncle still supporting them.
I wish I was androgynous.
You're androgynous, but you go too far into the "Ziggy Stardust" Glam-rock side of things, and the punk rockers are always trying rumble with you.
I with there was something good on TV.
There is something good on TV but your TV is on the fritz. You end up listening to NPR on a tiny transistor that you have to keep winding up.
I wish I'd already come up with my idea for Scope's B(.Y.)BS contest.
You come up with a great idea for my B(.Y.)Bs contest, and in a manical attempt to win, try spray painting the B(.Y.)Bs of the other entrants. And then you remember that's its an exhibition, not a competion, but there's a passle of painted boobs in your wake.
I want a real green dress.
You get your real green dress, but its cruel.
I wish that if I had to be woken up by someone at six AM tomorrow, that it would be someone freaking amazing, instead of my alarm clock that I forgot to shut off. (Does that make sense? It makes sense to me...)
You are awoken at 6:00 am by someone amazing. Unfortunately, it is The Amazing Johnathan and he won't shut the eff up and let you go back to sleep.
I wish I had a Halloween party to go to this year.
You get invited to a Halloween party - a kids Halloween party - but you make the tragic error of dressing like a pinata and you get beaten to death.
I want a new camera.
You get a new camera, but it turns out that various native peoples all over the world were right - the camera steals the soul of anyone whose picture it takes.
I wish I had the best singing voice in the world.
You have the best singing voice in the world but you cut your tongue licking an envelope and it dries up and falls off.
I wish my house were already clean and the errands had already been run.
(I also wish I could master verb tenses. I wish my house WAS clean . . . )
Gwen - Your house is clean, yur errands run, and you lawn and garden even winterized while you napped lazily on the sofa. Seems like a waste of your "Win a day with George Clooney" time though.
I wish I knew all the mysteries of the Great Pyramids.
You get a new camera but it takes nude pictures (somehow. Don't ask me how.)After the first family reunion no one ever speaks to you again.
(Wait, sorry, in my family that would be a good thing...)
I wish that my paper would write itself. :(
Your paper writes itself, but it writes itself in your blood. AND it tells everyone of your sexual fantasies involving a goat, a big vat of Cheez-Whiz, some jumper cables, and an electric fence.
I wish my kids could stop fighting for a full 37 seconds.
You kids stop fighting for 37 seconds, realize that they have you out numbered, unite, organize, and go on the offensive! Looks like Chuckie Cheese for you tonight.
(Bringing a previous branch back into play...) I wish I knew all the mysteries of the Great Pyramids.
You know all the mysteries of the Great Pyramids, but everyone gets sick of you being such a damn know-it-all, and no one ever wants to hang out with you.
I wish I had giant bird-like wings that would enable me to fly.
You have giant bird-like wings that enable you to fly. And Mr. Soda and Candy gets used to the additional preening and the molting. But you live in the South, where it is always hunting season, so you never fly for fear that Cletus and Bubba will blast you out of the sky and stuff and mount you. (And I mean taxidermy!)
I wish I could teleport / apperate to Cora whenever she wished.
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