The Ring's The Thing

Ring As you all know, I can be a bit of an idiot when it comes to certain things. I am such a "process and procedure" engineering type, and I want the to know how others have tackled a specific problem, so I can gather the info, analyze it, and make my plans and contingency plans.

So, that's why I'm going to ask you for your advice on a purely HYPOTHETICAL situation:

How do you buy an engagement ring?


  1. Did he have a ring when he proposed?
  2. Did you have any input on the rings (engagement / wedding)?
  3. If not, do you wish you had?
  4. If so, did you go with him when he actually made the purchase?
  5. Did you just give him guidelines on styles?  Cut? Gold vs. sliver vs. platinum?  I really like "Carol's ring", etc.?
  6. Off the shelf? Custom designed? Vintage (but not pawn shop)?
  7. Set or separates?


  1. Did you have a ring when you proposed?
  2. Did you involve your lady in picking out the ring?
  3. If no, did you take a trusted female (sister, cousin, etc.)?
  4. Did you ask her friends?
  5. Did you take her browsing, but then you made the final purchase?
  6. Did you just roll the dice?
  7. Does your wedding ring match hers?
  8. Did you follow the "2 month rule"?

See?  HYPOTHETICALLY, I'll be buying Cora something that she will be wearing on her hand for the rest of her life.  It seems a bit presumptuous of me to make that kind of decision without her input.

I know what you may be thinking, "Dude, she reads your blog!"  Yes, she does.  And while I may be an idiot, I'm not THAT big of an idiot.

I used the word "HYPOTHETICALLY" to TOTALLY throw her off the scent.  Gee-whiz.

One more question:  When you reach that stage where you are openly talking about shopping for engagement rings while absentmindedly rubbing the spot on her hand where said ring would go, but you haven't TECHNICALLY proposed yet, is there a name for that stage?  Would that be "pre-engaged"?

Just some random thoughts I've been having.

So, what's been on your mind recently?


Cora said...

Somehow I just feel wrong being the first commenter here. Hypothetically.

Cora said...

By the way, you're absolutely the CUTEST THING EVER! So there!

I love you!

*big hug and a pinch on your behind*


Some Guy said...

Scope, you are a master of subterfuge. She doesn't suspect a thing!

Candy's daily Dandy said...

There's no way she hypothetically has any clue...

In any case, you must have the ring at the time of proposal...just like Beyonce says, "if you like then you gotta put a ring on it."

Having said that, I think it is ok to shop for the ring together or discuss the "type" of ring she wants. Does a proposal NEED to be a surprise??
Yes and No.

The key is to catch her in an off-guard moment, in an amazing and unexpected kind of way.

Holy happiness. I am bursting with love for you both!!!

Candy's daily Dandy said...

And uh,

you think she'll say yes????

Sass said...

I was here when this posted.

But I couldn't comment yet.

And now that I'm commenting, I have nothing to actually SAY, other than...completely, totally, 100%...AWESOME.

Whatever you do. Whatever you decide. However you do it. It'll be perfect.

And yeah, I'm sure she doesn't have a clue yet. You are soooo sneaky. ;)

Sassy Britches said...

1.) Did he have a ring when he proposed? YES--except we broke up one week before he was going to do it!

2.) Did you have any input on the rings (engagement / wedding)? Yep, I knew exactly what I wanted, showed him, wrote down the specifics. He wanted it that way. The only thing I didn't specify was the carat.

3.) If not, do you wish you had? N/A

4.) If so, did you go with him when he actually made the purchase? Nope--he snuck out by himself

5.) Did you just give him guidelines on styles? Cut? Gold vs. sliver vs. platinum? I really like "Carol's ring", etc.? I did that at first (i.e., round, white gold, etc.), but he wanted to get the EXACT ring I dreamed about.

6.) Off the shelf? Custom designed? Vintage (but not pawn shop)? Off the shelf.

7.) Set or separates? Separates

I hope others give you the deets! As an analytical person like you, it's best to have lots of opinions! Good luck!

Alexandra Uth said...

Charles was going to give me his maternal grandmother's engagement ring when he proposed. He took it to a jeweler on Wabash to have it appraised. It turns out the stone was glass -- the box it is in is worth more than the ring. His mother suspects her father either sold the real ring or gave it to his second wife ("the evil Clara"). Charles and I picked out the engagement ring and our wedding rings together, the only way they match is that they're white gold and they both have the word "Always" engraved in them since that's our song. :-)

Srg said...

OMG! I'm so hypothetically happy for you Scope!

Here are my answers:
1.) Did he have a ring when he proposed? Yes he did, but to tell you the truth, we kind of "mutually agreed" several months before that we'd eventually get married. I think he needed a little bit of assurance before plopping down the big bucks on a ring.

2.) Did you have any input on the rings (engagement / wedding)?
Engagement ring - not really except for the stone shape and gold band. Wedding rings we picked out together.

4.) If so, did you go with him when he actually made the purchase?
No I did not. I had a feeling he had a surprise for me so he did not ask me to go to the store with him, nor did I suggest it. I like surprises!

5.) Did you just give him guidelines on styles? Cut? Gold vs. sliver vs. platinum? I really like "Carol's ring", etc.?
That's exactly what I did - I told him, round stone, yellow gold, and my finger size.

6.) Off the shelf? Custom designed? Vintage (but not pawn shop)? Both my rings (engagement and wedding) are custom. My hubby actually designed my engagement ring and found an awesome jeweler who was able to create it. The wedding band is also custom and we actually designed that together.

7.) Set or separates? Separates - since my ring was all custom, I wanted him to pick out (or design) whatever he'd be most comfortable with. He went with a white/yellow gold band that he stills loves even after 9.5 years!

My advice to you - find out what she likes, ask for suggestions, pictures, whatever. But surprise her with something totally unique that incorporates some of those things. It's going to be on her finger for the whole world to see so you'll want it to be the most special thing on her hand!

Shana said...

I am so hypothetically happy for you.

I am not married right now... but for me: I would rather be surprised all around. I know some women who like imput of type of ring but to me anything that my Guy would buy would be great. I am not a diamond person. I would rather have a different stone but if we were ready for marriage then he would know that. But all around anything that the guy that I love bought for me would be treasured.

wigsf said...

The 2 month rule is a marketing ploy by DeBoers. So is the diamond in the engagement ring.
Just saying.

SkylersDad said...

There has never been anything "normal" about Kathy and my relationship, but I just asked her to marry me on a camping trip one day. Then she and I went and picked out a ring she liked. It is small, because she doesn't like big jewelry (I am a lucky dude).

The only thing that matters Scope is your love for each other. Keep it nurtured, keep respecting each other, and your love will go on forever.

Grant Miller said...

Very, very sweet.

Soda and Candy said...

Hypothetical cheers!!!
I may email you my answers.
: )

Gwen said...


My ex never officially proposed so I don't think you'd be interested in my answers. We shopped for the ring together but if I were to do it again I would want to be completely surprised.

The Peach Tart said...

Maybe Cora will leave you some hypothetical hints.

Occula said...

We lived together for about 16 years and then had a county commissioner who was also a storekeep do the deed in his shop while we were on vacation in Tennessee. we were never engaged or had an engagement ring. We went and bought wedding bands together later. so I am no help at all, Eric, except in the congratulations department.

Jan @ Struck by Serendipity said...

Will the blog-o-sphere be invited to this hypothetical wedding?!??? Exciting!

Here are my answers:

Did he have a ring when he proposed? - Yes, that's a must.

Did you have any input on the rings (engagement / wedding)? - Yes, I'm a control freak.

If not, do you wish you had? - I'm so glad I did. People that tell you "She'll love whatever you pick" are only telling the truth if you actually pick something she loves. Does that make sense?

If so, did you go with him when he actually made the purchase? - NO. That would be L-A-M-E. If (not)Cora were present when it was picked out, slip the salesman a note asking him to set it aside and come back later to buy it or something.

Did you just give him guidelines on styles? Cut? Gold vs. sliver vs. platinum? I really like "Carol's ring", etc.? - (not)Cora will have to give you the basic details, but you can figure out the obvious. For example, if all of her jewelry is silver, don't buy her a gold engagement ring to "change it up." It doesn't work that way.

Off the shelf? Custom designed? Vintage (but not pawn shop)? - ask her.

Set or separates? -either. If a ring is really complicated, a set might be easier to match than trying to find a separate later.

And yet another tip - Buy something for her daughter as well! This is a must! Some kind of special necklace or something since she'll be part of the package as well.

Scope said...

(Thanks for all the comments, and I will try to get to you all later, but...)

Jan - Great idea on getting her Gwen something. I hadn't thought of that.

Also, she wears no jewelry. Not a watch, ring, necklace, earrings. (Cora, are your ears even pierced? I don't think that they are.)

Oh, and people, don't forget to vote on the sidebar.

Buddy said...

My deepest sympathies...

J.J. in L.A. said...

I've never been married but I hate being left out, so here goes...

Since the ring would be on my finger, I'd want input. If my man got me a round diamond in yellow gold, I'd deck him.

Or take someone with you who knows her taste (Gwen would be a great choice, and it would make her feel special). My cousin's wife thanks me often because he chose a horseshoe-shaped ring! I made other suggestions and he made the final decision. Ask Gwen's opinion then chose a ring the pleases you.

Propose in a fun way because you're a fun couple! Be creative, she'll remember it for the rest of her life.

That's all I got... : )

Cora said...

My ears USED to be pierced in middle school many eons ago, but they've closed up now.

Oh, and I used to wear a couple bracelets on each wrist until the day the bracelets got snagged on a lacy shirt I was taking off in a fitting room in a store and I ended up stuck with the shirt up over my face and both arms up in the air, like some weird lacy straightjacket/mask combo. Yeah. I'm graceful like that. But it taught me a valuable lesson - jewelry is a bitch! ;-)

~E said...

So I've been engaged twice (and not married yet...blah) but I don't want to hear any poor yous. It all worked out for the best.

The first time, he proposed on one knee completely by surprise with ring in hand. The second time we went shopping for the ring together. I much prefer the second time although there is a bit of romance to be said about being surprised. You just gotta make sure the timing is right.

I know that didn't help much but Im sure Cora with input her "hypothetical" two cents worth and she is "hypothetically" the important person in this whole deal right?


Lisa said...

this is hard cuz every girl is different, but i've always thought if a girl expects and also picks out the ring, it's not what it's supposed to be... she just wants the ring... for me the ring is not so important. did you go shopping for me... did you think of me somehow... did you make that kind of effort and spend that kind of money on me?????

if yes to those, then hell yeah, i'll love the ring.

do i need the ring? NO. never did, never will.

you know cora enough by now. is she vintage? is she the type that couldn't wear jewelry she didn't pick out? i'm doubting that last one, but go with your gut my friend.

i need to go get a tissue now...
so not kidding. i'm a blubbering idiot.

do what you think is right eric. i think cora is going to be happy and feel like the luckiest girl in the world. that's my impression anyway. ;)

Lisa said...

o. n cora of love letters cora... this isn't about you, k? so don't go getting any ideas...