New Year's Resolutions

Money, money, money!Happy New Year!  Yeah, I know I really need to cover the holidays and Cora's visit and all, but I thought first it would be a good idea to get my New Year's Resolutions out there.  Why?  Should be an easy post, that's why.

I'm not going to do the easy ones about losing weight, eating better, or saving money.  Due to certain circumstance (marrying Cora in July), I'm certain I will be eating more and better meals at home, saving me.  Money and weight.  So those are taking care of.

Resolution 1 – The Land Of Misfit Toys

It has always slightly bugged me that the $2 bill, the $1 coin, and the 50¢ piece were effectively unused.  Circulating currency should circulate.  I plan on using them in everyday situations.  In fact, my first use of them was to give a pile of them to Grant Miller to cover my drinks Saturday night at the Drysdale Awards.  Since then, I have used them as tips and to pay for my parking at Midway when I dropped off Cora.  Still haven't broken into the coins yet.

That should be fun.

Resolution 2 – Strive To Be The Man

I firmly resolve to strive to be the fiancée/husband and "bonus dad" that Cora and her daughter deserve.  There's no way I can be what they deserve, but that  doesn't mean I shouldn't strive every day to be worthy of the love, faith and trust of these two fabulous women.

Resolution 3 – Claim My Fart

Whether literally accepting havoc wrought when the "unholy ghost" is unleashed, or figuratively by accepting the consequences of my errors (airs?), I resolve to claim my farts.


Joshua said...


Yeah, that was bad.

Good luck; we'll see how long you last claiming those farts.


Scope said...

Oh, and I forgot to credit Cora for the "money shot" up there. :-)

JenJen said...

haha. Awesome. Claim the gas in your ass, or from, as it were.

wigsf said...

Oh, I can see it now. Up at the altar, "Scope, do you take Cora to be your wife?"
"I do, and yes, that was me."

SkylersDad said...

Fine resolutions all Scope!

mo.stoneskin said...

Want me to send you a couple of £2 coins?

Happy New Year and hope you have a good one!

Cora said...

In the unusually wise words of Madonna, "to fart, to fart is no disgrace, for it gives the body ease, it warms the bed on cold winter nights, and suffocates all the fleas."

Fart away, Scope! Fart away! Besides, I find your farts quite entertaining, as you know. They sound like someone is stepping on a duck.


Of course, I've yet to be trapped in a car with one. Perhaps I'd think they're less cute then, who knows?

*missing you terribly*


Whiskeymarie said...

I've been claiming my farts for years (figuratively, never literally)- it's amazingly liberating to just own your B.S./mistakes/screw-ups and then just move on.

For some reason I hate getting $2 bills- I usually give them to my friend's kids because they think they're AWESOME. Maybe now I'll send them to you.

Callista said...

eating more and making better meals at home? hmmm... you know this falls on you and not Cora. Remember what happened when she made you breakfast while you were here at Thanksgiving?

J.J. in L.A. said...

My man has owned his farts for years. He calls to tell me that he just laid a good one...and that the cats are hiding their heads in the kitty litter.

UberGrumpy said...

Even the silent ones? Respect

Scope said...

Joshua – Actually, I'm pretty good at ripp'n 'em, so I've had plenty of practice claim'm 'em.

JenJen – I once cleared a poker table of men, mid-hand, with one I passed in ANOTHER ROOM and that just drafted back in behind me.

wigsf – No, I do recall saying I would not be "tweeting" at the altar.

SkylersDad – Why thank you, kind sir.

mo.stoneskin – Actually, I am sound with the £2 coins.

Cora – Madonna would know about such things.

Whiskeymarie – While I'm fairly certain the proper lady that you are has never literally done such a thing, owning up to your mistakes drives your enemies insane, because then they can't beat you over the head with it. "Yup, my bad. Here's how we should go on…" totally takes the fun out of the game for them.

Callista – I'm not sure I have recovered from the mental or physical scars of that event, I think I will have to risk it some. Just have to delay updating the life insurance is all.

J.J. in L.A. – The cats may hand him the litter box.

UberGrumpy – Especially the silent ones. More so if they are in the elevator. Heck, sometimes I will "Ooops, sorry, that was me" in an elevator when I didn't just to freak people out.

Sassy Britches said...

Nice Rudolph reference.

I have a piggy bank full of 50 cent pieces that my piano teacher would give me eery week if I practiced for 30 minutes a day. I haven't used them, not because I don't want to keep them in circulation, but because they have sentimental value at this point (she's 92 and called me on Christmas Eve).

I love your second resolution. I have no doubt you will keep it. Every year.

As for the farts, pffffft (no pun intended). I'm all for the figurative claiming, but I've never been a fan of the literal ones. Claim all you want, just take it outside, mister!

Sass said...

Good resolutions.

I solemnly resolve to drink a little more wine, cuss a bit more, and yell at my kids a little bit louder.

So far, I'm doing great!

Moooooog35 said...

"Claim my Fart."

Or, as they say in Latin:

"Carpe de Poopie."

That may be incorrect.

Jan @ Struck by Serendipity said...

Stepping on a duck? lol.

Nice resolutions. There's no doubt you'll succeed at all 3!

Maggie said...

Love the resolutions!! :)

#3 is my fav. lol

Soda and Candy said...

LOL @ wigsf's comment, but you know they'll both be liveblogging from the alter.

I didn't know $2 bills existed here!!!