2009-12-02

A Very Scope-Tech Christmas

Editor's Note:  I know that you really want to know about my trip to Seattle over Thanksgiving, and you're getting flying monkeys.  Nothing's wrong, I was just off the grid for so long that getting caught up on blog means I'm giving you a cheap, easy post that I wrote on the plane, and will get to downloading and organizing the pics from this weekend for later in the week.


christmas-Goons As I mentioned earlier, the flying monkeys of Scope-Tech have taken over Santa's workshop and are creating toys for the children this year.  Santa and I left them unsupervised for a bit longer than we should have.

It isn't called "monkeying around" for nothing:


Old:  Mr. Potato Head
New:  Mr. Pot Head
Comment:  With only a few modifications, and the return of his pipe, this potato comes mashed on herb, and servers as you child's first water pipe.
Old:  Hungry, Hungry Hippos
New:  Hungry, Hungry Hippies
Comment:  Maybe they got a Mr. Pot Head for Christmas, but it's your job to keep these dirty hippies in Doritos and Ding Dongs while they try to eat you out of house and home.
Old:  Strawberry Shortcake and her friend Blueberry Muffin
New:  Strawberry Buttcrack and her friend Blueberry Muffin Top
Comment:  Teach your daughters about the perils of wearing the low rider, hip hugger style pants, with these Rubenesque lasses who lay it all out for all to see.
Old:  Rainbow Bright
New:  Rainbow Blight
Comment:   There's not a pot of gold at the end of this Rainbow.  Following in the footsteps of American Girl's homeless doll, "Gwen" we introduce America's first crack whore doll.  Rubber gloves are included.  (She's not called "blight" for nothin')
Old:  Big Wheel
New:  Big Wheel of Cheese 
Comment:   Or "le Grand Fromage" for the French children.
OldRock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots
New:  Barack 'Em Sock 'Em Robots
Comment:   The red side and the blue side battle it out in in the political pugilism ring.

13 comments:

Cora said...

God, I'd love Hungry Hungry Hippies to be a real board game. Can't you just imagine it? Little plastic hippies on their bellies with their big mouths gobbling up the marbles! *snicker* Genius, my dear. That one is genius!

Cowguy said...

oooooohhhhhh I wanna big wheel of cheeeeeeeeeeesse!! LOL

veggielady64 said...

Love the strawberry shortcake idea.

Joshua said...

I knew a guy in high school used to run around saying "Je suis les grandes fromages" all the time. That's the first thing I thought of when I read that. Then my mind wandered over to "The West Wing" and Andrew Jackon's Big Block of Cheese.

Damn. Now I want cheese.

-Joshua

BeckEye said...

Are Strawberry Buttcrack and her friend Blueberry Muffin Top sold exclusively at Wal-Mart?

JenJen said...

I love these posts....

Sassy Britches said...

I would love to see the cartoon version of the Strawberry Shortcake friends you describe. Live-action is way better than my imagination!

SkylersDad said...

I have waited in line several times behind Strawberry Buttcrack and her friend Blueberry Muffin Top.

J.J. in L.A. said...

I see Strawberry Buttcrack and her friend Blueberry Muffin Top at the mall ALL the time...and not on the shelf.

Love that one!

Callista said...

I want my old toys back... not these new ones! They make my eyes bleed.

Scope said...

Cora - As you know, inspired by your "Hungry Hungry Hippo" game.

Cowguy - I've heard of "lactose intolerant" but not "lactose impatient" before.

veggielady64 - Thanks, I was at Cora's when the idea struck me. Wait, that didn't come out right. She has a display of Strawberry Shortcake dolls in her kitchen.

Joshua - As a man who has seen "Modern Marvel: Cheese" probably 10 time + times in his life, I wonder, "Who doesn't want cheese?"

BeckEye - Sadly, no, Strawberry Buttcrack and her friend Blueberry Muffin Top are on display all over the modern world.

JenJen - Good, because I'm less than 50% done with the ideas I have so far.

Sassy Britches - It would be best if shown in schools as a PSA.

SkylersDad - Accidentally, or just getting your perv on? :-)

J.J. in L.A. - See, in Chicago, at least we have "sweater and a long coat" season for part of the year to hide some of that. But that just makes it paler in the Spring.

Callista - Sorry, the monkeys are out of control. You might say they are "going ape". Okay, YOU might not say that, but I would.

Gwen said...

Hilarious!

The homeless doll may have been named after me but my body was the prototype for Blueberry Muffin Top.

Gwen said...

Cora: The marbles should be the color and size of the ball-shaped cheesy poofs. Mmmmmm . . . cheesy poofs.