Performance Evaluation
Under the "Freedom of Information Act" and the "Federal Privacy Act" of 2001, I understand that my work performance is being evaluated. I have the right to examine and copy any documentation. I have the right to review and discuss differences in order to resolve them and I have the right to request amendments to and/or modifications of any document.
Name: | Date of Review: |
Knowledge: | |
[ ] | The son of a bitch really knows their shit |
[ ] | Knows just enough to be dangerous. |
[ ] | Only has half a brain and is dangerous. |
[ ] | Brain damaged. Their coffee cup has a higher IQ. |
Accuracy: | |
[ ] | Does excellent work, if not preoccupied with Facebook. |
[ ] | Pretty good; only occasionally blows it out their ass. |
[ ] | Has to take off shoes to count higher than ten. |
[ ] | Couldn't count their balls and get the same answer twice. |
Attitude: | |
[ ] | Extremely cooperative (kisses ass frequently). |
[ ] | Pretty good brown nose, but in poor standing. |
[ ] | Often piss off co-workers; thinks it's their job. |
[ ] | Doesn't give a shit. Never did. Never will. |
Reliability: | |
[ ] | Really a dependable little cocksucker. |
[ ] | Can rely on them at evaluation time. |
[ ] | Can rely on them to be the first out the door at 5:00. |
[ ] | Totally fucking worthless. |
Appearance: | |
[ ] | Extremely neat. Even combs their pubic hair. |
[ ] | Looks great at evaluation time. |
[ ] | Dirty, filthy, smelly son of a bitch. |
[ ] | Flies abandon fresh dog shit to swarm around them. |
Performance: | |
[ ] | Goes like a son of a bitch if there's money in it. |
[ ] | Does okay around evaluation time. |
[ ] | Works only if kicked in the ass every two minutes. |
[ ] | Couldn't do less work if they were in a coma. |
Leadership: | |
[ ] | Carries a chainsaw and gets good results. |
[ ] | Occasionally gets told to go fuck themselves. |
[ ] | Mother Theresa would have told them to go fuck themselves. |
[ ] | Couldn't lead a pack of hungry wolves to raw meat. |
I understand that I have been evaluated and know my rights under the "Privacy Act of 2001". I further acknowledge that I am as useless as pockets in your underwear, and will attempt to correct my deficiencies. |
Signature: | Date: |
Back in the days before email spam, when fax spam ruled the world, I got a glommed onto a copy of this performance evaluation. I updated it a little, but opted to leave the language.
Now, go rate your co-workers and have a fun Friday.
6 comments:
My co-workers, huh? You mean the two year old and five year old?
Heh heh heh.
CORRECTION: I mean the SIX year old, since today is his birthday and all. :-)
Actually, that's more a "warden / prison laborer" relationship vs a "co-worker" relationship.
OK, the Mother Theresa line made snot shoot out of me!
[ ] Couldn't count their balls and get the same answer twice
So this is why my man claims to be so smart! I'm guessing he gets the same answer every time.
Skydad - Mission accomplished then!
JJ - I just hope he gets the answer of "2" every time!
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