Fun Friday - Performance Evaluation

Performance Evaluation

Under the "Freedom of Information Act" and the "Federal Privacy Act" of 2001, I understand that my work performance is being evaluated.  I have the right to examine and copy any documentation.  I have the right to review and discuss differences in order to resolve them and I have the right to request amendments to and/or modifications of any document.                                     

Name:

Date of Review:

	Knowledge:
[ ]	The son of a bitch really knows their shit
[ ]	Knows just enough to be dangerous.
[ ]	Only has half a brain and is dangerous.
[ ]	Brain damaged.  Their coffee cup has a higher IQ.
	Accuracy:
[ ]	Does excellent work, if not preoccupied with  Facebook.
[ ]	Pretty good; only occasionally blows it out their ass.
[ ]	Has to take off shoes to count higher than ten.
[ ]	Couldn't count their balls and get the same answer twice.
	Attitude:
[ ]	Extremely cooperative (kisses ass frequently).
[ ]	Pretty good brown nose, but in poor standing.
[ ]	Often piss off co-workers; thinks it's their job.
[ ]	Doesn't give a shit.  Never did.  Never will.
	Reliability:
[ ]	Really a dependable little cocksucker.
[ ]	Can rely on them at evaluation time.
[ ]	Can rely on them to be the first out the door at 5:00.
[ ]	Totally fucking worthless.
	Appearance:
[ ]	Extremely neat.  Even combs their pubic hair.
[ ]	Looks great at evaluation time.
[ ]	Dirty, filthy, smelly son of a bitch.
[ ]	Flies abandon fresh dog shit to swarm around them.
	Performance:
[ ]	Goes like a son of a bitch if there's money in it.
[ ]	Does okay around evaluation time.
[ ]	Works only if kicked in the ass every two minutes.
[ ]	Couldn't do less work if they were in a coma.
	Leadership:
[ ]	Carries a chainsaw and gets good results.
[ ]	Occasionally gets told to go fuck themselves.
[ ]	Mother Theresa would have told them to go fuck themselves.
[ ]	Couldn't lead a pack of hungry wolves to raw meat.

I understand that I have been evaluated and know my rights under the "Privacy Act of 2001".  I further acknowledge that I am as useless as pockets in your underwear, and will attempt to correct my deficiencies.

Signature:

Date:

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Back in the days before email spam, when fax spam ruled the world, I got a glommed onto a copy of this performance evaluation.  I updated it a little, but opted to leave the language.

Now, go rate your co-workers and have a fun Friday.