2012-03-28

Sorry for the interruption…

To my dear friends and followers – Sorry about that.  Took the blog down for a day, then set all the old posts to draft, and then brought the blog back up.  Don't worry, I'm bringing back the archives, slowly, as I have time.

But, one bit of old business to deal with before getting back to new business.

There are some folks reading my blog that shouldn't be.

No, not "the daughter".  She knows it's not for her, respects that, and really doesn't care as long as it's not embarrassing stories about her.

No, these are some adults who I am going to politely and respectfully ask to click the little "X" in the corner, clear out your browser's history cache, and to not return.  If you choose not to respect me and my wishes on this matter, then I may find I have a hard time respecting you later.

And I have Google analytics on here.  Using a couple different matrices, I'm able to recognize your foot print when you visit.


"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

That is the FIRST Amendment to the United States Constitution.  It seems that even our founding fathers really didn't like the idea of bullies trying silence the voices of others.

To be clear:

  1. This is my place.
  2. This is my press.
  3. This is my voice.
  4. This is where I choose to peacefully assemble with my friends.
  5. I won't be bullied into silence.

That would be both un-American and hypocritical.  Right now, we are fighting to help the daughter's voice be heard.  I would be a hypocrite if I allow mine to go silent.

To be clear, again, the daughter knows all about my blog.  She even was following it.  But she doesn't READ it. 

Let me say this again, clearly: While she COULD read it, she DOESN'T read it.
Same goes with her mother's blog.

How do I know she's not reading it?  We have to hound her to get on Facebook and talk to her friends.  She's just not on the computer much.  They're not her thing.  And, since my blog isn't really "forbidden fruit", it's just not that tempting.  And I trust her to respect my privacy.  I've seen on my friends' Facebook pages where if the parents leaves their account signed in on the home computer, their kids will start posting on it.  My Facebook, my email, my whole computer are left unlocked 24/7.  I trust the daughter that when she needs to use it, she won't going nosing around.  She respects other people's privacy.

But, all this talk about blogs and what is appropriate content to write about is a side show.  A distraction to the main issue.  And the main issue is right over there –> on the sidebar of this blog.  That's the countdown to when the daughter turns 18.  When that  clock reaches 0 00:00:00 all the sideshow stuff becomes moot.  If the real problem hasn't gotten better ("fixed" is a might big reach), then she's legally entitled to solve it by just washing her hands of it and walking away.

And none of the adults really want that.  Life would be a whole lot easier for everyone concerned if she and her father had a better relationship.

And until her father realizes that this isn't a problem with her.
And that it's not a teenager thing. 
And that's it's his inability to see anyone else's point of view. 
And his inability to value her feelings. 
And his inability to admit he has treated her badly. 
And routinely. 
And for all her life.
No progress will be made.

And after 15.5 years, if progress is to be made, it will be made SLOWLY.  So look at that number again.  If we keep the focus on the sideshow, time will keep ticking away and soon the clock's going to run out and she'll walk away.

And yet, the focus recently has been on my blog?  My wife's blog?  Facebook?  Seriously?

The issue isn't:  That my wife celebrates the day the blood clot on her spine didn't kill her.  Blogging about it doesn't remind the daughter that she almost lost her mother and it doesn't drive a wedge between the daughter and her father.  The repercussions of the blood clot are with us all the time: the scar on the back of her neck, the occasional balance issues,  the nerve damage that has given her a numb side and a hyper-sensitive elbow.  That's every day life.  We joke about it and go on. 

The issue is:  That while her mother was in the hospital recovering from a surgery she wasn't excepted to survive, her father took her.  But since he didn't take her to school, and wasn't going to, that lasted only two days.  That's the kind of thing that drives the wedge deeper.

The issue isn't:  That someone was given a less than graceful nickname on a blog.

The issue is:  That someone told his daughter that since she's getting A's, that school must be too easy.  And when informed that she got into one of the toughest school's in Chicago, his response was "Thanks".  No, "Good job!" or "Way to go!" to her.  Just "Thanks" to us for the information.

The issue isn't:  That our blogs are not appropriate for a 5 year old child to read.

The issue is:  That my wife ex-husband still thinks that the daughter IS a 5 year child old that he can bully and intimidate and demand respect from.  Instead, she's a 15.5 year old young lady who deserves encouragement, praise and whose respect you have to EARN.

The issue isn't:  That the daughter's feelings and opinions toward her father MIGHT be influenced someday by what she COULD read on-line.

The issue is:  That the daughter's feelings and opinions toward her father HAVE been formed by 15.5 years years of interactions with him.  Seeing, feeling, and living with how he treats her and others.  I understand how he doesn't see that.  But she does.  So he needs to.

The issue isn't:  That my wife's ex told me that he wanted to beat up the first guy to break the daughter's heart.

The issue is:  That he doesn't see that person is him.

And the more that the focus is on the side show…

And the more people look for external sources for problems between the father and daughter when the real problem looks back at him in the mirror…

And the more that the hole keeps getting deeper…

And the less time left for a bridge to be built…

And the clock keeps its unrelenting count down.

Tick
o
c
k




[EDITOR'S NOTE: Due to the sensitive nature of this post, comment moderation has been turned on.  Comments may not get published right away, if at all.  Sorry about that, but even when told explicitly to not read, certain adults may not abide.  Thanks for your understanding in advance.]

5 comments:

Shana said...

I love the ticker.
You know, your wife and daughter are mighty lucky to have you on their side!! You are one tough dude!
Good luck with all of this! I know it is hard!!

Jane226 said...

Every girl deserves to have a dad like you, Scope.
(I've been reading your blog for years but have never commented, so sorry if this seems super creepy)

Cora said...

Only 950 days until my baby is an adult.

I feel so old all of a sudden.

Scope said...

Shana - I've used the tickers before. The last time was when I was counting down to the wedding. They are fun, and make a point. Oh, and I'm the lucky one, not them.

Jane226 - Not creepy. Thanks for the kind words. Welcome and don't be such a stranger.

Cora - Driver's Ed? Shudder! But you keep getting chased off school property because they think you're truant from another school, so I think you're good. :-)

Dr Zibbs said...

Whoa.

And glad you're bring the archives up in case historians are researching me for a book or something and they want to see what I wrote here.