In The News – Kung Fu Grip

In my efforts to keep you up to date on the important news off the world, I bring you this.

Gentlemen, please cross you legs now:

A dude in China just died because a woman squeezed his balls until he collapsed and DIED!

DIED!

FROM THE PAIN OF GETTING
HIS BALLS CRUSHED!

DEAD!

The story is that a shop keeper in Hainan province, China didn't want this woman to park her scooter in front of his store.  A scuffle ensued.  Things escalated.  She called her husband and brother to help.  During the fracas, the woman grabbed the shop keeper's testicles, and squeezed them until he collapsed and died.

They where unable to revive him at the hospital.  Moth-to-ball resuscitation must not have worked.

I imagine the whole scene looked nothing like this:

 
If you want to read the full story, with actual "scene of the crime" photos (but no pictures of the crushed balls) follow this link:  Full Story With Pictures

If you are wondering, "Can a man really die from that?" follow this LINK where a docotr suggests it could trigger a heart attack.

So, ladies, next time your man takes one in the dangly bits, show some compassion.  The injury could be fatale.

How Long?

3 years.

1096 days.

The average lifespan of an arctic fox.

I've had milk in the fridge for longer than 3 years.

But today, today marks the three year anniversary of the day that I took the flight that would change my life.  Three years ago today, I stepped off that plane, walked through the security gate to see a beautiful woman with her nose in a book sitting on the benches.  I walked right up to her and said, "Cora?"  She stood up, I hugged her and then I kissed that woman smack dab on the lips.

That kiss was 3 years ago.

Later that day, I met "The Daughter" as she walked slowly out of her school.  Then we went to find Jimi Hendrix's grave.

I would wait a whole day before, while spinning atop the Space Needle, I told her that I loved her.

And 3 years later, I love her even more.

I cannot imagine how I made it so long with her.  Without the two of them.

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If any of you are interested in reading the story as it unfolded 3 years ago, please see the following posts:  Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, & Part 4.

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And there's still time to vote for my friend Laura to get that new car, just click this link to go to her competition page then click the "Turn On" button. (Sorry, this section is a little haphazard, we thought our "Meeting In Person Anniversary" was tomorrow, so this part of the post is being done quickly over lunch.

Want To Win A New Car?

How would you like to win a new car?  A genuine Nissan Leaf automobile

That would be awesome right?

What if you only had to beat 9 other people to win that car?

That would be SUPER AWESOME, right?

Well, you're not going to win a car here, sorry.

But one of my blogger friends just might win one, and you can help.

Laura, from Are We Nearly There Yet, Mummy? is in the running to win a brand new Nissan Leaf.  She's up against 9 other UK bloggers, for the car.  Just 9!

I know you'd all like to help, especially if all that was really required of you was to click a button or two.  It's about as easy as clicking "Like" on one of George Takei's link in that Facebook place.  So if you would, please click the button below to "turn on Laura".  (Sound a bit naughty if you ask me.)

[If you are unfamiliar with Laura, she's a fabulous British blogger who I have been reading for just over 3 years now.  Ironically, since I'm trying to help her win an all electric car, the first post I read of hers was about her trip to the petrol station.]

 

For those of you who want a little more on why Laura should win, just watch this awesome commercial she and her family star in. Or go to her competition page.

And honestly, who should win a car but someone named, "Driver"?  I think you can vote once a day, so vote early, vote often.

In The News – A Leaf Falls In Spring

Every once-in-a-while, I'm going to bring you a little bit of perspective on recent news stories.  Provide thoughtful insights into our world.

Or just kick a man when he's down.

  

As you all know, Peyton Manning (right), first overall pick in the 1998 NFL draft recently signed a contract in Denver, for five years, and reportedly worth $96 million.

But did you know that Ryan Leaf (left), second overall pick in the 1998 NFL draft recently got 30 days (no bail) in the state of Montana?  Was because while serving a 10 year probation for drub and burglary charges in Texas got arrested in Montana on March 30th on drug and burglary charges.  No.

It was because 4 DAYS LATER he got arrested in Montana, again, on an entirely different set of drug and burglary charges.

If you were following football back then, you'll remember that there was serious debate over which of these quarterback you should choose, and Manning wasn't the unanimous choice.  The football card below probably says something pretty ironic about all the times these two would play against each other.

(See story: LINK)

While I'm at it, can I at least say that if I were Nissan, I would be still careful about how I marketed my Leaf charger in San Diego.

News You Can't Use

I know that in your busy lives, sometimes we don't take the time to catch up on the news.  If someone doesn't post it on Facebook, it can totally slip under your radar.  So, I think, from time to time, I'll dip my toe into the news stream for you.

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You Think You Don't Want To Go To Work:

Talk about having a bad attitude.  Hans Url, an unemployed Austrian, was so upset about getting off of unemployment and going back to work that he…

<- USED THAT SAW RIGHT OVER THERE.

AND
      CUT
            HIS
                 LEFT
                        FOOT
                                OFF!

And then he cooked it so it couldn't be re-attached.

HE COOKED HIS OWN SEVERED FOOT!

Seriously?!?  No one LOVES their job, but this is taking it to a whole new level.  Makes you feel not so bad about calling in sick on nice Friday, doesn't it.

(Read story: LINK & LINK)

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A Silverstone Spew In His Mouth:

Alicia Silverstone has been getting a lot of grief recently for how she's feeding her 10 month old son.  Not breast feeding.

(Stop thinking about Alicia Silverstone's breasts.  She's only like, 18, right?)

She's been pre-chewing his food, and then feeding him mouth-to-mouth like a bird.

Yeah, it's nasty and revolting, but when you think about it, it's probably not all that bad for the kid.  A lot like breast feeding in transferring immunity, mother-child bonding, etc.

The most horrific part of this story is that he child's name is "Bear Blu Jarecki".

(Read story: LINK)

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An Even Worse Celebrity / Baby Story:

January Jones (Mad Men & X-Men: First Class) told People magazine that after the birth of her child, she ate the placenta.

ATE. THE. PLACENTA.

Okay, it was  converted into tablets, and not pan fried with onions and rosemary, but still…

I won't even order "polenta" in a restaurant out
of fear that they may make this mistake.

Don't give me that "animals do it" crap.  This is just nasty and wrong.  Dogs will eat their own vomit.  Cats lick their own asses.  We clawed ourselves to the top of the food chain for a reason, dagnabbit!

(Read story: LINK)

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A Shroud Of Shame On Falls On America

How in the name of Deep Fried Twinkies and Chicken Fried Bacon did we let the Brits invent this?  Forget your herb or cheese crust, this has hot dogs, HOT DOGS! in the crust!  The fact that Prince Harry can order a pizza from the Hut delivered to Buckingham Palace with HOT DOGS embedded in the crust and I sit here in Chicago, the PIZZA CAPITAL OF THE WORLD, and can only think, "We'll show them, let's wrap the hot dogs in bacon" makes me feel like I'm living a hallow half life of lies.

We don't even have "mustard drizzle".

(Read story: LINK)

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Life Ain't Easy Out There…

Dominique Strauss-Kahn ("DSK" YO!) former head of the International Monetary Fund, remember him?

Well, New York decided that the hotel maid had "credibility issues" (unlike a French politician's?), and dropped the case against him.

You would have thought he'd learned a lesson.

Nope.

In late March, "The Dominique-ator" was charged with "aggravated pimping" in a French court.

But really, is there any other kind of pimping other than "aggravated"?

(Read Story: LINK)

The Eastern Tradition Continues – Not Safe 4 Kids!

Due to technical difficulties…

the Easter Egg Hunt is canceled this year.

Hope you all have a "Good Friday" and a happy Easter weekend.

Poor Myron

The other day, when surfing the web for "tree frogs" to help the daughter with a project to Photoshop an 8 legged robotic web shooting tree frog, we ran across this picture.

The caption is my own.

Sort of reminded the wife of the Pixar short 'For The Birds'.

Don't Be An April Fool

Things not to do for April Fool's jokes.  They may seem funny to YOU at the time, but they may get you killed:

The Bathroom:

Saran Wrap On The Toilet – Stretching plastic wrap tight across the bowl, like a drumhead, so the urine stream bounces hither and yon.  You'll be the one cleaning it up.

Icy/Hot On The Toilet Seat – This will get you killed in your sleep.  If you must, use Vaseline instead.  Almost as funny, and defend with, "I could have used Icy/Hot."  Your restraint will mark you as a hero.

Red Kool-Aid In The Showerhead – This is going to fail.  No one turns on the shower while standing in front of the showerhead, do they?  And staining your wife / girlfriend / roommate red isn't funny.  You stain them blue, so you can make Smurf jokes all week.

Garlic Toothpaste – Squeezing out a little toothpaste from the tube, mixing in a healthy dose of garlic powder, and then stuffing it back into the tube is funny.  No doubt.  But be careful as to what they may rub on your lips while you sleep.

Facebook:

Baby Talk – Like I said, this may seem funny to you, but others might not realize the day, to read it on Monday, and wow!

So not pictures like this:

It won't end well.

Now I have to run.  Gotta go put that stand on dental floss in my daughter's peanut butter sandwich.  :-)