2008-11-19

Six Degrees of Bacon

Beside vegetarians (and I even have questions about some of them), who doesn't love bacon? Good God fearing AMERICAN BACON, not that ham stuff Happy Joe's puts on their sauerkraut and Canadian bacon pizza.

Many, many years ago when we were roommates, T-Bone decided we should actually cook dinner one night. That's easy for him, he has chef's blood. Granted, he wears it in a creepy Billy-Bob/Angelina vial around his neck to ward off the ghost of Alton Brown. (When you try to explain that Alton isn't dead, T-Bone just mutters, "That's what he wants you to think.")

Anyway, he decided we'd make
fettuccine carbonara. I was given a knife and a pound slab of Oscar Mayer bacon and told "cut the bacon into 1/4 inch strips." So I move to the back of the 'U' shaped kitchen and start chopping while he does other prep work.

Chop. Chop. Chop. A couple minutes pass.

T-Bone: "Are you done yet?"

Scope: "No."

Chop. Chop. Chop. A couple more minutes pass.

T-Bone: "Are you done, YET?"

Scope: "No!"

Chop. Chop. Chop. A couple minutes pass.

T-Bone (turning around): "What is taking you …"


He doesn't get to finish the sentence. No, I didn't stab him, thanks for asking, but he was gobsmacked. I would like to think in awe, but disbelief more accurate. There I was, carefully pulling each strip of bacon off the slab, and cutting them into 1/4 strips. That's 47 cuts PER STIP! He relieved me of the knife using some advanced military commando training (or he said "Give me THAT!" I forget which, now.) WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! across the slab the sped, and he was done.

Oh.

We both stared at each other, unblinking. He will admit that I was doing "EXACTLY" what I was told to do. And I will admit to a certain amount of
Asperger Syndrome (not to be confused with "ass-burger syndrome") like attention to detail.

In other Bacon / bacon related news:

- The Oracle of Bacon (Kevin) has a new
web address.

- 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon may
SAVE THE FUTURE INTERNET!

- Monday nights @
Chinaski's in Bucktown: All you can eat bacon!

-
Canadian Bacon is the worst movie I have ever tried to watch. But it's another work of fiction by Micheal Moore, so go figure.



- Sir Francis Bacon - still dead.

- And if a bullet to the heart isn't fast enough: CHICKEN FRIED BACON!


7 comments:

Gwen said...

The Google ad that runs while this plays is for flat abs. That's perfect.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Bacon is good! And don't you just LOVE being reduced to a child by one of your friends. You love em, so you let them get away with it...this time. T-bone better watch it the next time you two are in a kitchen and you're weilding a knife. Unless, of course, he gives explicit instructions on the task at hand.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Unless he's hanging out in Alton, IL, I believe T-Bone is safe...

...or maybe that's what Alton wants you to think!

LYDIA said...

And you even provided the recipe - you are too kind Mr. Scope.

H said...

What is a Texas toothpick? I know, I know...off post but is it a french fry? Please explain.

Scope said...

Lydia - I had already Googled it to get the spelling right, and as you may notice, I tend to over link. But that's the way my brain works,too.

H - In food context, they usually are jalapino stips, battered and fried. Like a popper, but not stuffed. Often server in conjuction with onion rings when I've had them. It can also refer to a big stabbin' and hackin' knife.

And as if this post has a real topic. I live life on a tangent, and appreciate when others stray off topic. That's when discoveries are made.

Anonymous said...

T-Bone maintains that the task could have been quickly re-directed to a more successful conclusion had Scope declared right off the bat "There's not enough time in the world to cut this much bacon into 1/4" strips!" which, of course, would have set off alarm bells. With that said, the look on his face when the light bulb went off was absolutely priceless!! - T-Bone