2008-11-09

Disney Declares Water Copyright Infringment

Tomorrowland Conference Center, Disney World Magic Kingdom, Orlando, FL - Following up on its recent Supreme Court victory in the case of Eldred vs. Ashcroft, where the Supremes found the Sonny Bono Copyright Term Extension Act constitutionally extended copyright protection, Disney today announced that the molecular structure H2O (commonly referred to as "water") violated its copyright on Mickey Mouse.

Disney Corp. trotted out their attorney, a gnome-esque creature with a head far too large for its body. "As you can clearly see in these two pictures (reproduced below)," the Disney spokesman said, "the H2O molecule is a flagrant in violation of our copyright." When it was pointed out that God created the water molecule billions of years ago and it should be considered "public" domain, the 8th Dwarf, "Attorney", replied, "Then if He were so omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent, why didn't He think to copyright it?"



"But we want to be fair," it said with such rapidity that one would think the words were literally trying to escape from its mouth. "We are only going to charge $1.00 for every man, woman, and child per year in the United States. With the current US population at 305,614,250, that will more than cover the losses we are sustaining with the current economic downturn. "And," it said, rubbing it's hands together and laughing maniacally, "with a worldwide population at approximately 6,858,532,879, we are eager to pursue our case in other jurisdictions."

"We decided to charge simply based upon headcount, to simplify the accounting. We were going to charge, BY THE MOLE, ($.01 per 1000 moles = 4.75 gallons) but opted against it!" Obviously pleased with itself for it's triple play pun with the chemical/ ABC TV show/ burrowing mammal definition of "mole", it heaved a hearty "Hi-Ho" it went back to work. We were left a number to call for follow up questions, but repeated effort to reach Mr. Avogadro at 6.02252*10**23 went unanswered.

This all started when the Disney Corporation pushed the Clinton administration hard to extend the copyright protection on the early Steamboat Willey movie and thwart
free speech. The result of this was the Sonny Bono Copyright Term Extension Act that President Clinton signed into law on Oct. 27, 1998. Oddly, this is about 21 1/2 months after Mr. Salvatore Bono started his own 70 year copyright clock ticking on a ski slope in Lake Tahoe.

As the news conference wrapped up, the ABC news crew got to leave thru the exit marked "Cast Members Only" while the rest of the reporters, despite having to pay $50 each to enter, still were forced to exit thru a gift shop.

SCOPE-TECH's own Director Of EVIL Chemistry disqualified herself from this discussion due to a conflict of interest.

5 comments:

Candy's daily Dandy said...

HAHAHA! Intellectually hilarious! This is gonna be a fun ride. Better bring my A game here. I like it!

I always thought Disney owned the world and this pretty much confirmed it.

Gwen said...

No wonder I've always wanted to drown that fucking mouse.

Scott said...

The concentration of water is measured in moles, not mice.

Scope said...

Scott, I conjunction with Equal Employment laws, and to avoid stereotyping, SCOPE-TECH does not assign jobs based on an animal's species.

Mice can meausre atomic mass. Moles can operate computers. "Lab rats" and "Guinea pigs" don't have to be rats or Guinea pigs.

We can look past the narrow "pigeon holing" of an animal to see its true "Yes We Can" potential.

Plus, there was the unfortunate incedent where Melvin suffered a stern "badgering."

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Didn't water's lawyers point out that the two sp3 orbitals filled with the non-bonding pairs of electrons alter the over all shape of the molecule as a hole? So that, unless Mickey's head is sitting on his body at a right angle, the point is moot?

Stupid lawyers.