This new black and white pill from SCOPE-TECH's Department of EVIL CHEMISTRY will balance your yin/yang and checkbook, bring your planets into syzygy, rearrange your shakras, unblock your chi, and leave your aura as shinny as the coat of an egg-suckin' dog.
Side effects are generally inversely proportional to the benefits provided. Patients who successfully completed the regiment reported increased instances of dry mouth, sensitivity to light, itching, twitching, spot bleeding, night sweats, night terrors, leprosy, scurvy, full body monkey hair, the mange, third eye, the condition known as "sausage fingers", projectile vomiting, that thing the kid in Mask had, and stigmata.
There was one report of demonic possession, but our scientists are pretty sure that it was a pre-existing condition. The patient was, after all, a tele-marketer.