With the economy the way it is, everyone can use a little help. Even ol' St. Nick isn't immune tot he falling value of his investment portfolio.
After laying off the elves and selling off his reindeer for sausage (lordy I hop it wasn't the other way around), the not-so-jolly old elf turned to Scope-Tech for help. Never one to turn down a magical being in distress, we were glad to assist. And our squadrons of flying monkeys* could pull double duty in the toy factory and in pulling the sleigh.
While Santa and I hammered out the details, Scope-Tech's legions of flying monkeys (we mixed in a little Japanese Macaque DNA into the mix to help with the arctic adaptation) took over Santa's workshop to begin hammering out the toys.
Maybe we should have supervised them a little more carefully. The monkeys have a "skewed" sense of humor (it's called "monkey business" for a reason) and put their own spin on some Christmas toys.
Here's a small sampling of what they started to make:
Original Item: Tickle Me Elmo
New Item: Tackle Me Elmo
Notes: ala Cato from the "Pink Panther" movies, Tackle Me Elmo waits in ambush to waylay your unsuspecting child.
Original Item: Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing CD-ROM
New Item: Bill Clinton Teaches Congress – Sexual Congress
Notes: Besides learning why he is called "Slick Willie" there is a companion pop-up book with a special scratch-n-sniff section about blue dresses.
Original Item: My Little Pony
New Item: My Little Ponzi
Notes: This is your parents $100,000 Pyramid, contestants plan and implement their own get rich quick confidence games. Tension rises as the pot grows. Will you bail out in time before your pyramid crumbles under it's own weight, or the feds shut you down? It's "Make-off" or "Madoff" time.
Original Item: Transformers
New Item: Trans-gender-formers
Notes: "More than meets the eye" in deed! These robots do not fall into the societal norms of "male / female", "good / evil", or "Flower Power VW microbus / unstoppable killing machine". They can be used to teach your children acceptance and tolerance of all people, or to help explain why "Uncle Gene" is now "Aunt Jean".
As I run out of blogging ideas time permits, Scope-Tech will continue to bring you a sneak peek at what you may find under your Christmas tree, or in you stocking.
* Oh, if the whole "Flying Monkey" bit has you thrown off, either roll with it, or go back about a year to these posts: Flying Monkeys – Part Flying Monkeys – Part I, Flying Monkeys – Part II, Flying Monkeys – Part III, Flying Monkeys – Part IV, Flying Monkeys – Part V
11 comments:
That scratch n sniff Bill Clinton pop-up book will haunt my nightmares.
FOREVER.
Thanks a fraking lot.
Scratch n sniff blue dress.
That's disgusting.
I hope you treat your flying monkeys well and give them plenty of space to fly about.
Possible spin off idea for transgenders: Lady Gaga Hermaphrodite doll that teaches kids it's OK to be packing both!
I think I'm going to buy a Tackle-Me-Elmo for every member of Notre Dame's defense.
I so badly want a Transgenderformer.
My Little Ponzi - hahahahahaha
Also, I will be buying a Transgenderformer as soon as they come out.
...COME OUT. Hahahahaha.
G.I. Sloppy Joe
Messiest. Toy. Ever.
I hope I don't find any of these things under my tree... in fact, it almost makes me want to forgo my tree this year just to be safe!
Matt & Cora - Tackle Me Elmo will teach your children what?
CONSTANT VIGILANCE!
I need two Tackle Me Elmo's please. One for my parents because they are huge (original Peter Sellers version, thank you very much) Pink Panther fans. The second for my daughter because she needs to be taken down a notch.
-Joshua
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