As I mentioned HERE and HERE, the flying monkeys of Scope-Tech have taken over Santa's workshop and are creating toys for the children this year.
Santa and I left them unsupervised for a bit longer than we should have.We were arguing aver what men REALLY want for Christmas. Santa thought they want a 58" flat screen TV.
I thought they may want something else…
[PSA from Scope-Tech: While I cannot put THAT under your tree, I can put it on your computer screen. That is the lovely and talented Angela from Angela's Archives. Listen to her singing voice, and you will know she was aptly named. And I have a feeling great things are in store for this wonderful lady in the new year, so do yourself a favor, start following her now.]
Old: Lincoln Logs
New: Lincoln Togs
Comment: With their black suit, stovepipe hat and beard, your kids can play Abe the Great Emancipator. Or in his simple white shirt, wool pants and axe, they can play Rail Splittin' Abe.
Gaping head wound set sold separately.
Old: Lincoln Logs
New: Lincolon Logs
Comment: Like the original, but made out of freeze dried monkey poo. Hey, the stuff is piling up here at the North Pole, and even with the ice cap melt, there's only so much monkey poo you can drop in the ocean.
Old: Lincoln Logs
New: Lincoln Lego
Comment: No, they aren't made out of wood like the original Lego, they are a whole line on Civil War action sets. The mini-figs also come with detachable limbs so your children can simulate those wonderful battlefield amputations.
Old: Lincoln Logs
New: Lickin' Logs
Comment: DO NOT CONFUSE THESE WITH THE LINCOLON LOGS! These little soft candy wonders are imbued with the essences of chocolate. They are TOTALLY different than Tootsie Rolls, regardless of what the law suit says. Can your stack Tootsie Rolls into a log cabin shape and have a red licorice roof? You can? Buzz off, who asked you.
Old: Barrel of Monkeys
New: Apparel of Monkeys
Comment: Your kids will go ape for these vest and pill box hat combos.
Old: Rubik's Cube
New: Cherubic Cube
Comment: The evil, twisted cube is updated. Instead of 6 colors, there are 6 pictures of fat little baby angels, and internal and unseen mechanisms provide subtle hints and guide you down the path to salvation solution.
Old: Mouse Trap
New: Moose Trap
Comment: Just like the original, but much, much, much larger.
Old: Memory
New: Mammary
Comment: This update of the classic "match a pair" game is for the boys. The deck of cards has 26 different matching pairs. As men put their lifetimes of B( . )( . )B watching skills to the test, beware of the "Walleye" B( . ) ( .)B. That joker is one tough titty to match.
Now, I suppose after that last joke, you are expecting a picture of some Christmas tart like THIS. We at Scope-Tech prefer to take the high road. Or at least a somewhat higher road. Our Canadian Spokesmodel / Songstress, Angela (hear her perform "If" (she plays piano, too) ) returns to remind you:
1 – Be good to each other this holiday season. That's the true sprit of Christmas.
2 – Go to her BLOG or she'll put you on the "Naughty List".
10 comments:
I can't help but want to sing after reading this post.
"See...my...vest, see my vest, it's made of real gorilla chest..."
Ah, good ol' Monty Burns...
I was going to do "Lincoln Hogs" which was a canned ham with a thermite module so you could heat it instantly. It was going to be a "jenks" model due to your love of thermite and hatered of cold ham, but it was more of a "jinx" model instead. Many monkey paws were charred in the R&D stage.
I had no idea until I read this post that I have been wearing Apparel of Monkeys for years! Who knew?
'Mammary'. Snigger. I think you may have something there.
Oh sure...a Christmas tart is a Victoria Secret model? hahaha! I look gigantic next to her...she must be size 0 ... lol! I really don't like me with blond hair ... even tho I was born with it. Not that hair...twas a wig. The "IF" link didn't work for me...not sure why. You can always hear it here --> http://www.youtube.com/user/tendersphinx
Thanks for the blog plug! :)
Yeah, I'm with UberGrumpy, that Mammary Game is AWESOME. Seriously, I could see that being sold in Spencer's, can't you?
In other news, in the mall yesterday they were playing "The Carol of the Bells" and I couldn't help it, all I could hear was "Ding! Fries Are Done!"
Bastard.
*snarl*
Apparently, the internet is pro-Burnsian today, as this quiz popped up on Sporcle today.
If you ever see the Mammary game let me know because it would be the perfect gift for my man.
This post has everything! Monkeys, poo, assassinated Presidents, Christmas and ME!
Three days, Mister, THREE! I get giggly every time I think about it.
Good day !.
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