Scope-Tech: December 2009

2009-12-29

2009 S.T.A.R. Awards – Part III

This is the final post of the SCOPE-TECH S.T.A.R. Awards trilogy. (PART I & PART II). It has been fun recognizing those of you out in Blog-World who have been part of this amazing year in my life.

AWARD	WINNER
	Like many awards this year, there are multiple winners: Jen of Jen's Voices wins the traditional "Rookie of the Year" Award. She started her blog this year, and is really starting to find blogging voice. But, I would be remiss if I didn't also give the award to Whiskey Marie of the eponymously named blog Whiskey Marie. Her rookie appearance at the Mac Christmas Party is now LEGENDARY.
	These guys never disappoint. If you are looking for someone to take the comments into the gutter, these two guys will step up and help. SkylersDad of Some days it's not worth chewing through the leather straps Moooooog35 of Mental Poo (And this is the one award that I am also overqualified to win.)
	This award goes to the one and only God of The Other Side of Normal. Dude, sometimes that icon bumps other icons off their apps and takes over like Kanye West. And it haunts my dreams. And I think it eats the Jell-O pudding out of the fridge, too. (That's not a euphemism, but it could be.)
	So far, the list of winners has had a distinctly "North American" feel. Blogging pretty much erases boundaries, so what better way to celebrate that then by drawing them back in again? Wait, huh? Anyway, for his ability to turn a simple commute into a riveting tale, Mo at Mo "Mad Dog" Stoneskin is the *SCOPE-TECH* International Blogger of the Year.
	Unlike the Grammys, we don't try split hairs with crap like "Album of the Year" vs. "Record of the Year". We have one musical award, and it goes to Cowguy at Sawdust and Cowpies. The album is by his band, Keota, and the CD is "Saluté". "Is it any good?" you wonder. I bought a copy for me, and bought a copy for my parents for Christmas. But seriously, Cowguy, next year I'm looking for "A Very Keota Kristmas"
	While I occasionally dabble in creative blogging, this blogger is full time game on. Whether it's the Blogisferia Chronicles, Original Drafts, Mad Blogs, Literal Sketches, etc. this blogger is always coming up with new and interesting ideas. The winner of the *SCOPE-TECH* Creative Blogger of the Year is Soda and Candy at soda and candy stories
	This year's O.B.A.M.A. award goes to a very good friend of mine. She's no "soccer mom" but she is a "shocker mom." (Her daughter's softball team was call "The Southside Shockers".) A lady who is not afraid to tell you what she wants. On Thursday. Sass at Are You Sassified? is definitely deserves the One Bad Ass Mother Award. (Even though she has a really nice ass. I'm just saying.) \|\|_\|
	And last but not least, the final award is for the engine that keeps this little machine humming. You. Yes you. Whoever you are. Where ever you are. By reading (and occasionally commenting on) this blog, you helped fuel it, gave it life. And it has given me a greater gift than I could imagine. So, whether you've been here since the beginning, or just stumbled across me looking for microscope technology, if you've read this far, you are a *SUPERSTAR*!

Well, that about wraps up the awards for the year. I will be jumping back to the real world soon. Gotta get crackin'! My fiancée will be arriving in about 36 hours and I need to get some work done around the joint.

If I don't talk to you much before then, have a happy and safe-ish New Year's Eve, and all the best to you in 2010.

2009-12-28

2009 S.T.A.R. Awards – Part II

This year's S.T.A.R. awards kicked off about a week ago with THIS POST. As we prepare to present another batch of awards, we'd like to take this opportunity to thank all of you reading this post for inspiring a wondrous year in blog-world and the real world.

Without further ado, let's get on to the awards…

AWARD	WINNER/S
	The winner of this award is J.J. in L.A. While J.J. won this award for many, many reasons, none of them really have anything to do with her being in a wheelchair. There were the harrowing tales of her trying to renew her driver's license. Then there were every other single post that helped earn her the title.
	Back in October, I ran a B(.)(.)B charity drive to raise money to fight breast cancer. I want to thank all those who participated: JenJen of Jen's Voices Angela of She's a Super Chick A Super Chick... She's super SCRAPPY.. YEOW! Cora of Love Letters By Cora ~E of ~E Deconstructed Sassy Britches of Well okay, Sassy Britches! Rachel of Lessons Learned Sass, of Are You Sassified La Pixie of Pixie Dusted Tiffany of Opening the Shell Skylersdad of Some days it's not worth chewing through the leather straps And there was also an anonymous entry that must also be mentioned.
	This year, there were 3 women in my blogging circle who won this award. While not nearly as sharp as the ice they are now sporting, here's a little additional bling. And the winners are: Candy of Candy's daily Dandy Cora of Love Letters By Cora Nikki of This Genius Is Insane A trio of more engaging bloggers it would be hard to find.
	She stole my heart this year, and while she has won two other group awards in this round of presentations, my fiancée Cora, of Love Letters By Cora, has certainly been the Queen of My Heart this year.
	While she is amazingly photogenic in her own right, it is the work that she did behind the camera that earns Gwen of Everything I Like Causes Cancer this award. She was in on my proposal plan, and when it came time to use my camera to video the biggest moment of my life to date, as always, Gwen did not disappoint.

That concludes this round of the awards, but please stay tuned. There will be another round (as soon as I get time to make some more awards) that will include the prestigious O.B.A.M.A. (One Bad Ass Mother Award) and Rookie Of The Year. So, it you didn't win in this round, there's still time to ~~send your bribes in~~ campaign.

(Oh, and if you want to put it in your sidebar and the GIFs aren't working for you (size, color, etc), let me know and I'll see what I can do.)

2009-12-26

A Scope-Tech Christmas – Part 4

As I mentioned HERE and HERE and HERE, the flying monkeys of Scope-Tech took over Santa's workshop and created toys for the children this year. As we prepare to depart the North Pole, we thought we would bring you the final list for the year.

Old: Lego Minifigs
New: il-Lego Minifigs
Comment: Building your Lego city? Well, here is a set of undocumented worker minifgs to serve as landscapers, maids, day-laborers, and prostitutes.

Old: iPod Touch
New: iPed Inappropriate Touch
Comment: Pre-loaded with all of Michael Jackson's greatest hits and with subliminal suggestion technology, so your son ~~or daughter~~ can still feel like a "special guest" at Neverland.

Old: Hot Wheel & Matchbox Cars
New: Hate Wheels & Methbox Cars
Comment: (Yeah, I really got nothin' here, but I like the names.)

Old: Nintendo DS
New: Nintendo DTs
Comment: This game is addictive. Literally. Your kids won't be able to put it down.

Old: Go Fish
New: Go Fist
Comment: Calm down. This is a game where you get points by fist-bumping different people. Fist bump Anne Murray = 50 points. Fist bumping Sass = 500 points. Fist bump Papa Sass = 100,000,000,000 points.

Old: Old Maid
New: Strong, Independent Woman Who Will Not Settle For Less Just To Conform To Societal Norms, And Call Her A "Cougar" And You Will Be Punished.
Comment: Even the flying monkeys aren't THAT stupid.

Old: Impossibles Puzzles
New: Nothing
Comment: Sometimes, you can't improve on the EVIL that is a puzzle without edge pieces, has 5 extra pieces, and the picture does not match the one on the box.

Old: Care Bears
New: Medicare Bears
Comment: Press a little button in their paws, and they will tell you all about their latest ache, pain, and horrific medical procedure.

Old: Pokemon
New: Poker-Mon
Comment: This cyber rastafarian / card shark will teach your kids the finer points of Texas Hold 'Em and how to score and smoke some sweet, sweet ganja.

Old: Cabbage Patch Kids
New: Nicotine Patch Kids
Comment: A teaching aid used to explain why Mommy is so cranky, edgy, and has put on 45 lbs in the last month.

Old: Sit 'n Spin
New: Sit 'n Spin 'n Spin 'n Spin 'n Spin 'n Spin 'n Spin 'n Spin 'n Spin
Comment: Once started, the toy keeps spinning the child round and round until the projectile vomit, hosing down the room. Recommended as a gift to your ex's new kids.

Old: Bratz Dolls
New: Tatz Dolls
Comment: Your little angel trying to decide between a tramp stamp, barbed wire, or a rose on her hip? This line of dolls will let her determine to proper skin art in 3D, so she can show the tattoo artist exactly what she want.

Old: Magnadoodle
New: Magnadoodoo
Comment: No, those weren't finger paints. Well, at least not for most folks.

Old: Boomerang
New: BOOM!erang
Comment: The one you hope DOESN'T return.

I would be remiss if I did not provide proper credit to Cora, for providing / inspiring many of today's toys. She had a lot more good ideas, but I just ran out of time fleshing out this Christmas.

Sorry, love.

2009-12-24

Dear Santa…

2009-12-23

Christmas P.S.A.

Just a quick not toe with you all a merry and safe and happy and healthy Christmas. Like 99% of you, I will be pretty much checked out the next couple of days. But, I may sneak around a little bit for a late night escape. And if you need to escape a little, I will be setting up the robots to post a few things over the weekend.

No, don't worry, nothing remotely important, just a humorous bit or two. If you miss them, don't stress.

And with that I leave you with this one-off Christmas card that I bought, but never sent.

2009-12-22

2009 S.T.A.R. Awards – Part I

As you may or not remember, last year, we at SCOPE-TECH had our first annual SCOPE-TECH Annual Recognition or S.T.A.R. Awards. (Part 1 / Part 2) Unlike the Drysdale Awards or Firecrotch of the Year, the S.T.A.R.s are not democratic. Something this important shouldn't be left up to the American public. (Not you. YOU are totally responsible, but, you know who I'm talking about.)

Most of the S.T.A.R.s will be announced after Christmas. However, there is one that needs to come out, today, for a very special reason.

METAMUCIL BLOGGER
OF THE YEAR

This blogger is regular and dependable. His (web) logs are solid and rarely corny. And you will learn some serious shit from him.

And, today's his birthday.

Congratulations, mjenks, today you are a S.T.A.R.

*** Oh, and by the way, today is my birthday too. 44. Double Golden.

2009-12-21

Mac Christmas Bash 2009

Last year, we were at the Scabby Cabby. This year, a group of college friends and one special guest (more on her in a second) got together in Chicago for drinks, dinner, and more drinks.

I got to Nic's condo just west of downtown about 4:00. On my way down, I saw HIM! The Master of the Universe! Traffic was a bitch, and what should have taken 15 minutes or so took about an hour. As I got to his place, I realized that I forgot my CAMERA! So, you are just going to have to suffer with these taken on my crappy cell phone camera. Dems da berries.

So, I get there, and who do I meet? The lovely and talented Whiskey Marie was there with Gwen. Like I said the cell phone does not do this lovely lady justice. We talked and had a good time.

Gwen was looking lovely as always, too. In her fabulous black dress and vibrant green belt. I think Nic set up the laptop just to get her to bend like this. Curse you crappy camera! CURSE YOU!

Eventually, planes, trains, and automobiles were used to assemble the party, and we taxied into River North to Sullivan's for dinner. Yum! I had the tomato & mozzarella salad with balsamic reduction. I love tomatoes and these were ripe and flavorful. And the balls of fresh mozzarella? Devine. For my main course, I had the grilled swordfish. And a couple of spears of asparagus. So, yeah, my pee stills sounds funny.

After dinner, we went back to the neighborhood, and hit a little dive bar for a while.

The bar had a great jukebox, and we got to hear Sweet Caroline (bhu, bhu, bhu) twice in the hour that we were there. After the bar, we headed back to Nic's place for a bit (someone broke a heal on the way). The a few quasi-responsible people went back to our hotel rooms. Yes, I live a $20 cab ride away, and stayed in a $125 hotel room. I knew that if I went home, odds were low that I would make it back the next day for brunch.

A fitful night of sleeping (man, I can't drink like I used to) where I was up every 2 hours followed. About 10:30, we were back at the condo, drinking fabulous Bloody Maries, and eating wonderful omelets made by Laughlin.

And to top it all off, we watched Elf and A Christmas Story. Until that time, Whiskey Marie had never seen 'A Christmas Story'. I know. Deprived child.

About 2:00 some people needed rides to the train station, and after dropping them off, I got home and took crashed out for an hour and a half.

And thus ended Mac-Christmas-Bash 2009.

Except for a little Christmas Ho-Ho-Ho!

2009-12-19

Christmas Music 2009

Tired of your collection of Christmas music?

Need something a little hipper than "The Holiday Lite"?

I've got a little something for you from Chicago's WXRT.

Just click the big icon right there, and enjoy.

What has been playing while I've been working on this post?

Keith Richards – Run, Run, Rudolph
Melissa Etheridge – Santa Claus is Coming To Town
Fountains of Wayne – I Want An Alien For Christmas
Charles Brown – Merry Christmas Baby
Los Lonely Boys – Feliz Navidad
Bob Rivers – Toy Sack (to "Love Shack")
Chuck Berry – Run, Run, Rudolph
The Pretenders – Blue Christmas
Bing & Bowie – Little Drummer Boy

And you can even pause and skip songs if you need to.

Hope this puts some ROCK'N in your STOCK'N!

Six Word Saturday - She Said What?

I'm joining in on "Six Word Saturday" is hosted by Cate at Show My Face... via the lovely and talented Sassy Britches.

YOUR WIFE CALLED YOU A WHAT?

[Click to enlarge]

2009-12-17

The Post Where I Show You My Balls…

And my "Space Needle"

And my other Christmas decoration, and then ask you to show me yours, too. ;-)

Early disclaimers to get out of the way now…

My birthday is December 22nd, and I love Christmas
These pictures are carefully staged and cropped. The condo is currently a toxic waste dump just off camera.
Jan, the beautiful ornament that you sent kept washing out in the flash, and without the flash, it didn't show up too well, either. :-( But in person, it looks great. :-)
There's a whole lot of pictures in this here post.
This is the first year I've ever done a tree. Wreaths? Yes. Tree? No.

Despite that fact that I am CURRENTLY a bachelor, living on his own, I do decorate for Christmas. Always have. In fact, number of years ago, I started giving out (and keeping) a different silver Christmas ornament each year as a package topper.

Crate & Barrel usually comes thru for me. Like this year's silver Christmas tree, or last year's silver reindeer.

Speaking of my tree, here it is in all it's sparse, Charlie Brown-esque glory. I have done a little shopping and wrapping so far, but not a lot. I am taking today (Thursday) off work to really go to town on finishing up the final bits of shopping, get some presents wrapped and in the mail, get my hair cut, etc. Hopefully I will get that done.

"Why not take Friday off instead?"

Good question. The answer is simple: Office Christmas party is Friday after work. And that kicks off a weekend of celebrating and kicking back with some old friends (including the lovely and talented Gwen of Everything I Like Causes Cancer.) She and Whiskey Marie will be in town, so I really don't plan on doing anything productive on Saturday or Sunday, so if it is going to happen, it needs to happen on Thursday.

But I promised you some balls, right? I'm getting there. I just had to ramble long enough to fill in the gap beside the picture. Duh.

So here's my fireplace, and you can see that my balls are hung…

I have some hand painted glass ball ornaments that I got at a craft show. Long boring story short, my parents had a booth at the show, and he was next to us, and didn't sell a damn thing all day, so I bought the snowman…

the Christmas trees…

and the constipated sun.

And speaking of hand painted ornaments, (not constipation) this guy, "Party Boy" is a P. Buckley Moss design that I bought at her museum a few years back. It is hand painted on the inside of the glass! P-Buckley-Moss

Getting back to the tree, I have a bit of a travel theme going on. Restoration Hardware used to sell these beautiful brass ornaments of icon structures and airplanes and such. I bought many for places that I had been.

(Note, there's the starfish Jan from Struck by Serendipity sent me, it has glitter and shells, and is most charming.) So to go with the Eifel Tower, Big Ben, Roman Coliseum, and the Golden Gate Bride (off camera), I wanted a Space Needle, for my heart currently lives in Seattle, and I wanted one on the tree.

But, I searched the internets, and all I saw were some cheesy looking glass ones. So over Thanksgiving, Cora and I hunted and hunted for a nice, metallic one. They had to have them, right? This was the best we could find.

A cheap resin one.

But there's that story about beggars and choosers, so I bought it as a backup. While at the festival of lights, I did buy this Borg sphere looking ornament, so that I would have a "nice" ornament to hang on the tree. (In real life, it doesn't look like a big ball of tin foil, honest.)

On the way to the airport for my return flight, Cora and I stopped in at Wal-Mart of all places, and struck gold. Well, bronze. We found two different sized bronze Space Needle paper weights, that with a little ribbon or monofilament thread can become ornaments.

To wrap up this monster post, and to get wrapping, I wouldn't want you to think that my decor is ALL fancy and sophisticated.Yes – The hat has sequins on it.
Yes – The nose blinks.

So, I've shown you mine, now you show me yours. What do your decorations look like?

2009-12-16

Yesterday's Blog Post / Insane In the Brain!

So, stepping out of the holidays for a little bit of real life blogging.

Yesterday, was the 3rd (but not final, I have at least one more days worth of stuff) post of the twisted Christmas presents. Being that I am a lazy cuss, and have learned that it is better not to reinvent the wheel, I thought I would use part 2 as a template to create part 3. That way, I wouldn't have to fiddle-fart with the fonts and colors, and could concentrate of the writing.

As noted earlier [LINK] I use, and STRONGLY RECOMMEND, Windows Live Writer (WLW)for drafting my blogs. It's desktop side editing, and is much better than writing it in Blogger. Well, I wanted to use part #2 as a template for part #3. Unfortunately, I wrote #2 on my netbook while traveling, not on my main computer. No problem WLW lets you download a blog post from the web. So I did that, changed the title, created the post, and then put it up yesterday morning. I didn't set a date / time like normal, because it was after my standard 6:00 am post time, so I wanted to post immediately.

Funny, when I post, it automatically takes me to my blog so I can see what it looks like. But it wasn't there.

So I set the date time and did it again. And there it was. But how did it get 13 comments? And it dawned on me…Oh holy CARP! I just overwrote part 2 with part 3. I thought this was a new post. And I start to panic. The computer thought it was an update to the original! I can't find the original part 2 anywhere, so I toss a panicked disclaimer at the top of the post, and ran for the shower. While speeding through the shower, it dawned on me: The original should still be on the netbook.

Barely dry, I boot it up while finishing dressing. I made a backup of the correct post, (dealing with document check in / check out / overwrite issues is what I DO for a living, I've learned a trick or two about securing the good copy.) and uploaded that one back to the web.

Whew! Recovered.

Now, it was simply a matter of grabbing the source content for part 3 and pasting it into a new blank shell, redoing the 3 pictures that were mangled, and uploading it.

Ah. But look at the clock, I'm now late, it's freezing out, and I really don't want to be as late as walking to the train will make me. I click on the CTA BUS TRACKER site to see when a bus is due at my stop. 2 MINUTES! DOUBLE CARP! I grab coat, gloves, wallet, BlackBerry, etc and dash out. As I get to the street, I can see it is already at my stop. But if I run, I can race it to the next stop and board there.

I did. And I did.

Not sure which got my heart racing more. The run, or the panic of screwing up my blog.

Tomorrow, I will be back into Christmas, showing off my balls. After all it is TMI Thursday. See you then

2009-12-15

A Scope-Tech Christmas – Part 3

As I mentioned HERE and HERE, the flying monkeys of Scope-Tech have taken over Santa's workshop and are creating toys for the children this year.

Santa and I left them unsupervised for a bit longer than we should have.We were arguing aver what men REALLY want for Christmas. Santa thought they want a 58" flat screen TV.

I thought they may want something else…

[PSA from Scope-Tech: While I cannot put THAT under your tree, I can put it on your computer screen. That is the lovely and talented Angela from Angela's Archives. Listen to her singing voice, and you will know she was aptly named. And I have a feeling great things are in store for this wonderful lady in the new year, so do yourself a favor, start following her now.]

Old: Lincoln Logs
New: Lincoln Togs
Comment: With their black suit, stovepipe hat and beard, your kids can play Abe the Great Emancipator. Or in his simple white shirt, wool pants and axe, they can play Rail Splittin' Abe.

Gaping head wound set sold separately.

Old: Lincoln Logs
New: Lincolon Logs
Comment: Like the original, but made out of freeze dried monkey poo. Hey, the stuff is piling up here at the North Pole, and even with the ice cap melt, there's only so much monkey poo you can drop in the ocean.

Old: Lincoln Logs
New: Lincoln Lego
Comment: No, they aren't made out of wood like the original Lego, they are a whole line on Civil War action sets. The mini-figs also come with detachable limbs so your children can simulate those wonderful battlefield amputations.

Old: Lincoln Logs
New: Lickin' Logs
Comment: DO NOT CONFUSE THESE WITH THE LINCOLON LOGS! These little soft candy wonders are imbued with the essences of chocolate. They are TOTALLY different than Tootsie Rolls, regardless of what the law suit says. Can your stack Tootsie Rolls into a log cabin shape and have a red licorice roof? You can? Buzz off, who asked you.

Old: Barrel of Monkeys
New: Apparel of Monkeys
Comment: Your kids will go ape for these vest and pill box hat combos.

Old: Rubik's Cube
New: Cherubic Cube
Comment: The evil, twisted cube is updated. Instead of 6 colors, there are 6 pictures of fat little baby angels, and internal and unseen mechanisms provide subtle hints and guide you down the path to ~~salvation~~ solution.

Old: Mouse Trap
New: Moose Trap
Comment: Just like the original, but much, much, much larger.

Old: Memory
New: Mammary
Comment: This update of the classic "match a pair" game is for the boys. The deck of cards has 26 different matching pairs. As men put their lifetimes of B( . )( . )B watching skills to the test, beware of the "Walleye" B( . ) ( .)B. That joker is one tough titty to match.

Now, I suppose after that last joke, you are expecting a picture of some Christmas tart like THIS. We at Scope-Tech prefer to take the high road. Or at least a somewhat higher road. Our Canadian Spokesmodel / Songstress, Angela (hear her perform "If" (she plays piano, too) ) returns to remind you:

1 – Be good to each other this holiday season. That's the true sprit of Christmas. 2 – Go to her BLOG or she'll put you on the "Naughty List".

2009-12-14

Getting Carded – 2009

I'm virtually finished with my Christmas cards this year. As I mentioned last year, I'm a Christmas card sending fool. So far this year, I am at 91 cards with only 1 address left to find. I just need to get a some more stamps and getting a few sent off to Canada, and then I'm mostly done. I did try to cut a few people off my list this year, but they were in the first 5 people to send me cards this year.

I still had some cards left over from last year. And the year before that. I used parts of 10 different boxes of cards this year, and that doesn't count the individual one-off's.

Besides the ones that I sent out last year, this year's collection was:

My caption: "I hope Santa doesn't leave you STUCK out in the cold this Christmas."

This card is a bit of a riff on a similar one that I used last year [LINK] but with a sock monkey. And glitter. And as we all know, everything is better with sock monkeys and glitter.

My caption: "On December 26th, Santa hit the beach. HARD!"

My caption: "Even Santa is "going green" this Christmas."

And this year, I even did a Christmas letter. Sort of. I created a little one-off blog (I'm a bloggers, people, that's what I do!) under the ID I use for my family blog (don't cross the streams!), and then made a bunch of little slips of paper in Excel with the URL for people to follow to the site.

Save some paper. Save the earth.

Oh, and Analytics will tell me who read it. Like I said, I'm a blogger, it's what I do.

2009-12-13

Lights, Camera, Action! More Christmas Lights

I…

Ummmm…

Yeah, I saw that in real life.