2009-02-20

Weapons of Math Destruction

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The following report was suppressed for years. It has only recently seen the light of day with the change in administrations. Be warned. The report contains horrific information, not suitable for small children.

Artist rendition, poorly rendered.KUT, IRAQ - It has been reported today by spokespersons for US military intelligence organizations and by members of several Non-Governmental Organizations (NGO's) that Iraqi schools are filled with evidence of WMD's: Weapons of Math Destruction.

When asked if he could confirm finding evidence of weapons of math destruction, lieutenant Kurt Carlson, a reservist and high school math teacher fought back a lump in his throat. "Yes sir, I can confirm that. It was enough to make sick."

He went on, "At first we only saw the traces. The piles of shattered calculators. The broken abacuses (or is it "
abaci"?). The writing on the chalk boards claiming that pi = 3.15 and that e= 2.6"

"I got so ill that I raised my hand to be excused from the room. On my way In a jam.to the nurse's office I saw it. Next to the HomeEc room where they were sewing fashionable suicide vests, set the smoking guns. Well, technically it was a pile of hammers and mallets. You could still bits of LCD's and stuff on them. And behind the pile was a paper shredder jammed with flash cards. Ironically their poor math skills led them to put 7 items in the slot clearly marked for only 5."

When asked if he'd found any other atrocities in the school, the lieutenant pointed toward a pile dodge balls in the gym, mumbled something about the inhumanity of human target games, and staggered back to the war.

6 comments:

Cora said...

It's like talking with Cindy Brady! "Weapons of Math Destruction"...although, I guess she would say "Weaponth of Math Dethruction," huh? So never mind. (wink)

And the artist's rendition poorly rendered! Priceless! :-)

Srg said...

That's hilarious! Love the new header graphic btw.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

May he rot in hell for his e^x anti-math sins.

Morgan the Muse said...

That is horrible. And the guy has bad grammar too, leaving out words here and there. He is definitely a math guy.

Giggle Pixie said...

They put 7 items in the slot clearly marked for only 5?

Oh, the humanity!!!

LOL

Fancy Schmancy said...

No one warned me there were going to be math tests in bloggy land or I never would have signed up for this shit, man...