Oogle Yourself

I know this is going around. The theory is that Google, as a vast repository of human knowledge, knows what you need. It's a little like an oracle reading the innards of a sacrificed goat, but a lot less bloody. And, it's not as practical as Google Cooking.

Here’s how it works: Google “[your first name] needs” and share the results. That's it: it is that simple. But be honest! (Yes, I've altered the number and removed the meme portion of it. For I am the maker of rules, dealing with fools. I will cheat you blind.)

My comments are [bracketed].

Eric needs:

01 - Eric needs a girlfriend [Duh!]

02 - Eric needs to update! [What? I've posted damn near every day for 4 months, how much more blood do you want?]

03 - Eric needs a hug [Solving #1 may deal with #3]

04 - Eric needs stitches [I will be wearing a helmet when I venture out today, just in case.]

05 - Eric needs to sell his stuff [I hope not, I just bought most of it.]

06 - Eric needs medication [Like that's news!]

07 - Eric needs LinkedIn [I already am, not that I use it.]

08 - Eric needs to know [Yes I do]

09 - Eric needs to keep up [At least it doesn't say "Eric needs to keep IT up"]

10 - Eric needs your help with childhood bladder and bowel problems. [Ahmm, let's move along here, nothing to see.]

11 - Eric needs to find a third roommate [Eric needs to find a first roommate first.]

12 - Eric has what Eric needs [And that's why I went to 12]

Now that resolves Eric, but what about Scope? He has needs, too.

Scope needs:

01 - Huge Scope needs new biz paradigm [Scope doesn't think of himself as "huge," but thanks.]

02 - Scope needs no power [Scope has no power]

03 - Scope needs better exhibitors [No, Scope thinks blogger works just fine.]

04 - Bureau of Justice Assistance... Scope needs assessment [Scope may need their assistance in administering justice.]

05 - Disease research needs wider Scope [No, Scope has no need to be any wider.]

06 - Help me fill these Scope needs [Scope is trying to imagine Cora's comment. :-) ]

07 - Contact us for your rifle and gun Scope needs [Scope needs no rifle or gun. He IS a deadly weapon.]

08 - Changes to the Scope need to be made through a formal change process. [Damn straight, Skippy]

09 - Aesthetics/function... need to reduce the Scope [Yes, for aesthetic and functional reasons, a reduction in Scope is in process.]

10 - In order to accomplish this vision and strategic actions S.C.O.P.E. needs to make internal changes to become more efficient and structured [Scope gets it, "To change the outside, you must first change the inside." Thanks Dr. Phil]

11 - Scope needs analysis [Scope's family and friends have thought so for years]

12 - Scope needs to be taken into account [Or else Scope will
drunk dial your kids!]

And I can't put a song in your head without giving you the video.


Sass said...

You're a weird one, Scope.

I like that in a dude.

Giggle Pixie said...

I did this once but it was a long time ago. I might have to try it again and see what new things I need.

I loved your entire list!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Matthew needs to bring sexy back.

Also, the third one down was from a dude named Matthew Needs. He lives in Plymouth, which is funny, because I was born in Plymouth.

It's like a pun or something.

Cora said...

Ha ha! Ohhhh, Scope, my dear, I volunteer - I'll help you with those needs of yours, my friend. (wink) But, you'll have to help me with my needs, and I should warn you that I just tried this google meme with my name and lo and behold wouldn't you know that I got a porn site on my list. Ohhh, yes. And what Cora needs on that porn site is, uhh, quite something else. Woo! I feel the urge to go light a cigarette and, dammit, I don't even smoke!! Needless to say, I think I'll be leaving that one off my blog - my blog is getting enough skanky attention as it is without THAT added to it. But I know you're curious. You are, aren't you? Hmm? Hee hee. Ask me nicely and I'll email the Cora Porno Needs to you, Scope. Or you can beg me, that'll be fun too. Just make sure you're done working for the day because...umm...I have a feeling you're going to have a hard time focusing on work after you read what I just did. You've been warned.

J.J. in L.A. said...

Here are mine:

1) Jodi needs deliverance from lust, unforgiveness and the mental attacks. [What? Lust is a GOOD thing]

2) Jodi needs to excuse herself from the table and leave through the nearest exit. [Damn those beans!]

3) Jodi needs to focus on men somewhere in between being married and having never been married - a good old divorced man. [I made sure of that!]

4) Jodi needs a partner, who's it gonna be? [A little thing on the side, perhaps?]

5) Jodi needs someone experienced to work with her. She is slow to trust. [That's true!]

6) Jodi needs to do well because she would be the next to leave. [the Psych ward]

7) Jodi needs lessons from you on how to treat a woman and let her follow her own fate. [Sorry, but I don't swing that way]

8) Jodi needs a hug. [A hug is always appreciated]

9) Jodi needs to bring the fam to Chicago and take us all out to dinner. [Scope would have to recommend a place because I've never been]

10) Jodi needs a ticket to ride. [and someone to pay for it]

Cora said...

BTW, I love that song. I haven't heard that in a long time. :-)

Morgan the Muse said...

You need medication and analysis... that is unfortunate.

mike said...

I have been googling myself for a while. (it's been a slow day)

Cora said...

And, yes, I do read the Quick Hits. Doesn't everybody? How much snow did you guys get anyway?

Shana said...

I am thinking about your #1 but you are far away!

Cowguy said...

Cowguy needs 1250 pounds of dynamite, a trailerload of donkey crap, a midget wearing nothing but a doily, an all day ticket to the nursing home hall of fame, and Twinkies.

I made all that up just for you Scopester.