* You know, I'm sorry you had a bad day/week/month/year/decade...whatever. I'm sorry that you're an Emo kid, and no one understands your pain. Keep it to yourself. Don't go stepping in front of trains, totally fucking up the rest of the day for everybody else. You're day is done. Think of the rest of us. You know, I had a 9:00 that I'm so totally going to miss. Couldn't you have just taken yourself out, someplace private, where you will only scar some hikers or cub scouts, or who ever it is that finds what's left after the squirrels get to you?
Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.
And don't get me started on you, "Mr./ Mrs. Medical Emergency". If you thought, "You know, odds seem pretty good that I will have a heart attack / give birth in the next hour," maybe you should NOT be commuting. Just saying. And don't feel abandoned when we ask if we can just dump your carcass off at the next stop. If we were going to help, we would have by now. Seriously. There no sense 600 of us waiting around for the guys from Squad-51 to show up. Dixie at Rampart General will talk them through it just fine. Do you really want 600 strangers gawking at you in you private moment of death/childbirth anyway? Didn't think so.
Anyway, how was your commute today? I got a seat yesterday, both ways, so mine totally kicked ass.
* No individuals were killed, maimed, stricken ill, or birthed in the making of this story. But I so did give that one bitch the stink eye.