2009-02-06

Murder On The Dis-Orient-ed Non-Express

Code BROWN!* You know, I'm sorry you had a bad day/week/month/year/decade...whatever. I'm sorry that you're an Emo kid, and no one understands your pain. Keep it to yourself. Don't go stepping in front of trains, totally fucking up the rest of the day for everybody else. You're day is done. Think of the rest of us. You know, I had a 9:00 that I'm so totally going to miss. Couldn't you have just taken yourself out, someplace private, where you will only scar some hikers or cub scouts, or who ever it is that finds what's left after the squirrels get to you?

Thank you for your cooperation in this matter.

And don't get me started on you, "Mr./ Mrs. Medical Emergency". If you thought, "You know, odds seem pretty good that I will have a heart attack / give birth in the next hour," maybe you should NOT be commuting. Just saying. And don't feel abandoned when we ask if we can just dump your carcass off at the next stop. If we were going to help, we would have by now. Seriously. There no sense 600 of us waiting around for the guys from Squad-51 to show up. Dixie at Rampart General will talk them through it just fine. Do you really want 600 strangers gawking at you in you private moment of death/childbirth anyway? Didn't think so.

Anyway, how was your commute today? I got a seat yesterday, both ways, so mine totally kicked ass.

* No individuals were killed, maimed, stricken ill, or birthed in the making of this story. But I so did give that one bitch the stink eye.

18 comments:

Cora said...

This is what the robots came up with, huh? Mmm. Me thinks it will be an interesting weekend! ;-)

And post a pic of the stink eye why don't you? I wanna see what Scope looks like when he's giving the stink eye! Show me yours and I'll show you mine. (wink)

Sassy Britches said...

It's pretty sad when our commute experience is defined by whether we got a seat both ways or not, isn't it?

But, I'm with ya, man!

Candy's daily Dandy said...

The stink eye huh? I'm sure she totally deserved it.

I also want to point out that yyou used the word whatever with the proper execution. See? It just kinda sneaks up on you.

Giggle Pixie said...

I know what you mean. People with those silly medical emergencies are always such an inconvenience! I mean, I'm on a schedule people!

:-)

Lisa said...

Dang. Someone needs a little attitude adjustment.

I know what would put you in a better mood... meet me in front of the Trevi Fountain.

words words words said...

Now I realize why they say suicide is a selfish act.

Cowguy said...

Outta my way you schleppy little emo.

heh.

The Dixie at Rampart line made me laugh out loud. She was a hottie eh?

Johnny. Johnny Gage.

Gwen said...

I feel the same way about people who get into car accidents. It's just rude.

TishTash said...

Death is inconvenient, and not just for the families of those who left behind no money to use for the burial, Grandpa.

O.G. said...

Both entertaining and wrong, but more entertaining.

SouthernBelle said...

Ugh, that used to happen a fair bit in Sydney. Some selfish wanker tossing themselves onto the tracks without a thought for those of us left behind. Bastards.

Nothing like this happens in Sav, but public transport is limited to the occasional bus.

Shana said...

I am glad I don't have to worry about a seat on my commute.

Scope said...

All - I wrote this a few days ago, and left the robots to post it while I was out of town. I was in no way trying to make light of the serious issue that Sass wrote about recently. Not that anyone has said anything, but I feel like a schmuck and have apologized off line.

I was obvioudly more complaining about stupid delays when you're stuck in a small steel can underground than anything, and how if you have a seat, it's all magic, and you don't mind the delays so much.

Unless you have to pee.

And since no-one called me on it here or in private, I think you all get it, I just want to make sure ya'll knew that while I can sometimes be an ass, target "humor" like that isn't my style or intent, and if it happens inadvertantly, I will apologize.


Thanks again,
Eric

~E said...

I for one enjoy being knocked out of my in-car karaoke routine by the blasting of sirens 3 cars behind me that leaves me panicked and scrambling to wedge my compact into the next lane amidst all the other assholes questing to get out of the way.

I mean, geez, you just can't get that kind of stroke inducing anxiety just anywhere anymore!

mike said...

I took the train to the Celtics game the other night, I had forgotten how bad it smells. I know you can appreciate a good fart story... I literally had to get off a stop early just to breathe again.

mike said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ron Centeno said...

You are definitely right. One time I was on the train on my way to work, these two guys decide to start a fight, now the conductor gets in the middle, he gets hit. The train stops on the next stop, cops come in... I was stuck on that train for at least 30min! That made my day!

Mrs4444 said...

Is it wrong to think this post is funny? Oh well...