2008-12-03

Homeless Chic: Part II

So I lied. This is really more of a 'Tangent' than a 'Part II'

(For a trip to one of the greatest websites, ever, hop in the 'WayBack Machine' and visit LPTrixie.)

The Lincoln Park Trixie ('LPT' or 'Trixie' for short) is basically described by both the Urban Dictionary and Wikipedia as (for those to lazy to do the "clicky" thing) as:

"20 or 30-something female found in Chicago, IL. Their migration patterns, though originating in Lincoln Park, include Bucktown/Wicker Park, Lincoln Park, Gold Coast, Wrigleyville, Lakeview, and, increasingly, the West Loop. They are easily identifiable by their fair skin, blond hair (or at least with highlights), good purse, manicured feet/hands, and Starbucks cup. They are born in the Midwest but have found Michigan or Ohio to be so passé so they moved to the big city. The preferred form of transportation is the VW Jetta or Honda Accord. They have typically graduated from large state universities with good football teams and mediocre academics. Trixies tend to live and work in Chicago but hate their job although they will tend to stick with it as it accommodates their "urban" lifestyle. Trixies have nice belongings (clothes, shoes, purse, car) but tend to be cash-poor as they must maintain their standard of living. Trixies are typically attracted to Midwestern, frat-boy types: 30-years old and still wearing baseball hats backwards and rugby shirts with horizontal stripes. They will stick with these douche bags as they are buying time until they can get married as the large engagement ring is a sign of rank in their social circles, much like chevrons & rockers in military insignia."

Until my recent move to Lincoln SQUARE, I lived in Lincoln PARK (the neighborhood, not the namesake park) right near Trixie Central. The shops on Armitage and Halsted. No, not those shops, that's further up Halstead in Boystown. But, "The Manhandler" bar (as the sign says, "Park In Rear", God, I wish I was making that up) IS located next to the ultimate Trixie watering hole, Tilllie's, so I can understand the confusion.

I lived one block down the street from Tillie's, and I ate there, once. In the first month I lived in the neighborhood. And never went back. Not once in the next 9 years. The food was good. The Trixies were just to thick in there I got hives walking by.


Imagine all the cheerleaders and English majors from high school who went to state schools, but failed to earn their "MRS" degree. They flock like moths to an O'Fame, in their pink "Michigan" shirts to that one intersection, and then spreading out. Good thing carbs became evil so they somewhat stayed out of the Pasta Palazzo.

At this point, I feel I must state that I never dated a Trixie, was rejected by a Trixie, or have had any serious Trixie run-ins. I get that I'm not a "Chad". I'm old. But not Sugar Daddy, "Viagra Triangle" old. But damn, if I want to sit in Oz on a summer Sunday "doing my crossword puzzle" (which is code for "doing my crossword puzzle") you don't have to toss down your blanket to sun bathe and then give me the "stink eye" like I'm some pervert*.

I was there first.
And you work in HR in my office.
We've work on the same floor for 2 years.
I smiled because I recognized you.
Bitch.

Take heart and do not be fooled. There are anti-Trixies out there.

They may drive an Accord.
They may enjoy a night out at trendy bars with cute friends.
They may even wear a pink Cubs hat.

But they go to Wrigley and can tell you the score, inning, and who's pitching.

Congratulations MelO**, you are the anti-Trixie.

* Or at least no more of a pervert than the next guy, especially if I'm standing between Zibbs and Moe.
** Of course
Gwen, Candy, H, JJ, Ms. FLA X-Plant, Sass, LYDIA, et al you would also be anti-Trixies, if you lived in "Chicagoland."

5 comments:

Dr Zibbs said...

Viagra Triangle huh? Never heard that one.

Sass said...

I wouldn't recommend standing between Zibbs and Moe. But if you must, turn and face Moe. I think it'd be safer to have Zibbs behind you.

Nothing but love to Moe, of course, but...the guy's NUTS.

And I would, without a doubt, be an anti-Trixie. I'm not in the Chicagoland...but at least in the same state. ;)

LYDIA said...

This was me reading your blog:

-20 or 30-something female. Check
-fair skin. Check
-blond hair (or at least with highlights). Check
-good purse. Check
-manicured feet/hands. SHIT, check
-Starbucks cup. Only on occasion, but check.

And I am definitely not attracted to the frat-boy type. Give me an artsy, soulful, nerdy, amusing, intelligent one over a jock and I will be happy!

I felt so much better that I was included in the anti-Trixie category on the bottom. You're the best Scope :)

H said...

I tried once to be a Trixie but I got a rash.

MelO said...

Lol... how did I not see this until now, Scope?! Oh yeah.. .I was living in a cave for the last two weeks. Lol.

Loved this post.

Wish you had warned me about Gwen, tho!!