2008-12-16

On The Single Guy's Perspective

While not necessarily "invited" to this thread, I did RSVP before crashing. Sounds like a wedding I once went to. Yeah, my date caught the bouquet. We were LOVED! But that's a story for another day.

Please read
SouthernBelle's take on this issue HERE and TishTash's HERE first. But don't get too caught up in their blogs not to come back.

I'll also try to address specific issues these ladies posed.

Disclaimer: First a little background, incase you are gnu here: I'm 42.9999 years old, never married, straight bachelor, currently in a very deep, very meaningful, but very uncommitted relationship. (It's complicated.) Obviously, the opinions and beliefs here are my own, and may surprise you, but I grew up in the country, which in a lot of ways, is a bit like the South.

Dinner Dates: A dinner date on the first date is a fine idea, AS LONG AS THERE'S PLANNING. This is for my brothers out there: After your days of hooking up at raves high on X are over, you need to have a legitimate first date. Don't care if you've already done the deed after that night at Slugger's; That's not a date. On the real first date, she wants a few simple things from you: 1) Plan, but get input. You pick the place, but based on her likes and dislikes. 2) Pick a place where you BOTH will feel comfortable. Things are stressed enough, you don't need to be worrying about 18 bits of silverware on the table if you're not used to it. But, don't take her to the sports bar where everyone knows you. 3) This date is not about you. It's about her. TREAT IT THAT WAY. Cell phone and BlackBerry OFF. Not vibrate. Silent. Out of site. Don't care if you’re the chief thoracic surgeon in the city, OFF. 4) Eye's up HERE, sailor. 5) But get caught sneaking an approving glance. Lady likes to think you find her sexy. 6) You pay EVERYTHING on the first date. Cabs. Dinner. Drinks. Condoms and a new toothbrush. Doesn't matter. Can't afford it. Go someplace within your means. I understand equality. I understand that it does not apply here, either. 7) Simple manners. Doors. Chairs. Breathe while wolfing down your chow at least once. 8) If you can't tell if the good night kiss is going to work or not, it's probably not. 9) Call the next day, even if you want her to BURN IN HELL!! You still have to call.

Flowers and Gifts: I'm a flower giver. First serious girlfriend pounded that into my head. But also, don't get caught up in the fake anniversary flowers (really, you expect them on the 2 month anniversary of our first date.) But random, just because flowers are great. The grocery store sells nice roses for a couple of bucks. She's worth it. When you need to say, "I screwed up," say it with jewelry. If you need to say, "Sorry I slept with your friend," say it with your 7 day AA token. You need help or you want out of the relationship, but are too gutless to be the one to leave.

That said, know your lady, if she doesn't like flowers, there are places like Edible Arrangements that do some cool stuff with fruit.

Also, under no circumstances do you buy her shoes. You take HER to the shoe store, tell her that you are going to buy her a pair of shoes. BE interested, don't ACT interested, she can tell. Even if you have to imagine her naked wearing just those shoe. When she finally picks a pair, say, "You know, I like those, but I really like (second runner up), too. Why don't you get both?" Later that night, maybe you won't be just imagining her wearing nothing but the shoes.

Children: I love them. They taste like veal. Never really saw myself with them, and the prospects are pretty slim, unless I "Tony Randall" some chick. But I agree that the closer the family reflects the culture they are living in, the better. Doesn't mean it can't work.

Commitment: I don't commit easily, I admit it. But I do commit deeply. But, like I said. Never married. 42.99999 years old. Maybe not the best source. But have I ever been down on bended knee and asked a woman to marry me? Yes. In the last 6 months? Yes. I may propose again tonight over the phone. (Sometime over the course of a week, I suggest us getting hitched probably 3 times on average. She doesn't have to say "Yes" she just isn't allowed to say "No." Oh, and we're not dating. Have never dated. And I think I've known her for maybe 17 years now.)

Holidays: I like them. Go home to the 'rent's. Since I "travel light" (no baggage) it makes that real easy. Not to say that there aren't issues sometimes, but probably a lot less than most people have. I used to get the "why aren't you married" but from mom, until my brother did me a solid and married a woman who my mom HATES. Suddenly, me being single and available for family things didn't suck nearly so bad.

Victoria's Secret: From the women I've talked to they say that the reason they buy bras that are padded even if the girls do JUST FINE on their own is to hide the high beams. And maybe I'm stupid, but I agree. Whatever makes you feel pretty, I'm good with. Don't need to see industrial granny panties, though. And for God's sakes, if it's early in the relationship, and especially if you've planned our trip to second base in advance (and you have), wear something with a simple method of removal. Odds are, well be too excited to work something more complex than hooks or a clasp.

Conclusion: Yes, I'm straight. And thanks again for letting me play.

23 comments:

Dr Zibbs said...

If I were you I would keep blogging, then date all of the bloggers. That's what I would do. I'm not kidding either.

MelO said...

Can we please make this a little more PUBLIC? Can't you go around and teach this to kids in school or something?!

The world deserves more guys like you, Scope! And the ladies do, too... :)

TishTash said...

Way to step up! And I'm a hundred percent with you on turning off all methods of communication during a date. "But what if there's an emergency?" Well hell, what did people do in emergencies before there were cell phones??!!

That damn expat said...

Good post!
I agree with you on everything but the shoe thing. What kind of girl wants her guy to buy her shoes? Well a few names come to mind but I'm keeping mum on the count of being a lady. Or something.

I love that you mentioned the door and chair thing. Guys these days need to be reminded of that.

Ms. Florida Transplant said...

This should be required reading for all single men.

Ms. Florida Transplant said...

I'm intrigued to hear more about your relationship that isn't a relationship...or however you want to describe it.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Wow Scope, I'm impressed. You really have a good grip on how to treat a woman.
I'm with MeLO, this should be published and handed out in all high school health classes for the boys-mandatory reading with a Q&A session after so that there is no confusion.
You could take this on the road and do the world a huge service!!

I'm going out on a limb here-you sound like you would make a FABULOUS husband for the right girl. My question is, Why do you want to marry someone who dosen't want to get married???
I'm not judging-(you'll have to forgive me-I'm a HUGE Eric fan so I'm biased) but sounds to me like your girl has no idea what a gem she has.

Scope said...

MelO – Trying to my best to educate that world. That's what SCOPE-TECH University is all about.

Tish Tash – They left messages, or heaven forbid, planned ahead. And you can discretely check them on the trip to / from / instead of the washroom.

That Damn Expat – I was speaking to a broader and narrower point: Guys, if you want her to be interested in your hobbies, you have to be interested in hers. You know how she acts when she's pretending to care about WWE Summer Slam 2008? Don't act that way when shopping. Enjoy your time together, not just your time between the sheets together. But enjoy that, too! And also, women, I know you know better, but if you expect shoes as a present, make sure you state that it's a Zappo's gift card you want, or don't get pissed off if "boots for the winter" turns into "mud boots from Farm-n-Fleet."

Ms. Florida Transplant – Sadly, you are going to need to be the teacher of this. I had a couple of great friends and girlfriends who were not afraid of using negative reinforcement techniques to imprint these lessons.

Ms. Florida Transplant – You will hear a little more about "My French Friend" (MFF) in the coming days, under a post called, "The Ring Of Lies." But, you know more about her than anyone else. I referred to her as "Beth" in you're Guest Post, where you do get a teaser on "The Ring Of Lies." (So both of you who don't read MFXP's blog, go there NOW!)

Candy – Thanks. I've met "Ms. Right" a few times, but timing has been off. With MFF there are "complications." Some timing. Some geographic. But, since she's just recently back on the internet, and may well start reading me, I may let that side out a little more, so ya'll can convince her. :-)

SouthernBelle said...

Scope, you know your stuff!

Good work! Now we just need a married dude to step up to the plate to complete the series.

Gwen said...

I just commented to someone last night who asked about your dating status that any woman you dated would be treated very well. Fascinating and spooky that you proved me right almost immediately thereafter.

You really should be in charge of teaching young men these lessons.

mike said...

to say sorry I slept with your friend, say it with your 7 day AA token... that's the funniest thing I have read all week. Good stuff.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

I'll finish the series, but I'm pulling a half day today at work and trying to get some crap done before I start vacation next week, so it'll be up tonight after the children are nestled snug in their beds, or at least out of my hair.

Andy said...

My man, I find I agree with you on many sentiments, especially on the dinner date. Thanks for representing manhood well.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

If shoes are the order of the day or the gift you want to give to your SO, I suggest a gift card. It lets them shop, unencumbered, and you'll get the pay off, like I did, when she brings home a pair of fuck me boots.

Oh, right, I need to write the follow up to that post, don't I?

The Ex said...

Yes, yes and more yes. There isn't enough yes for this post.

pistols at dawn said...

I suppose I could pretend I'm nicer than I am and agree with most of this - and some of it I do agree with - but shoes and her interests? That's on her. I will never be interested, I've never been interested, and I have my own boring, shameful hobbies I don't expect her to take any interest in. I don't want her to feel she needs to read a Cover-2 scheme when the Redskins are giving up yet another deep ball, and I don't want to have to offer my opinion on how that dress/those shoes look(s) on her ever.

Scope said...

What I'm saying is that if you don't want the fight about going furniture shopping during the playoffs, (not that that will be an issue for you this year) getting her enough knowledge of the sport might be in your enlightened self interest.

pistols at dawn said...

I see your point, and it's the wiser one (and I chortled aloud at the parenthetical point), but for some reason, I've become convinced that both parties allowing for separated spheres of interest is the only way for a relationship to survive. His and her TiVos, no one has to go out with the other's friends if they don't like them, and so forth. Otherwise, relationships are a never-ending series of required tasks, and no one can ever truly love requirements, Orwell's conclusion in 1984 and the experiences of my drug-addled friends who joined the military for the necessary structure be damned.

Scope said...

I see your point and agree that there needs to be a degree of separate live, hobies, and interests. Otherwise, you would kill each other. As a non-cohabitant, that's not an issue. Separate TiVos. Checkbooks. Computers. Absolutely.

My point was really, there are chores you HAVE to do. Sometimes it's sitting in the "IDIOT Chair" while she tries on 7 dresses in 8 stores that all look EXACTLY THE FRAK'N SAME or muff divin'. Put on a happy face and learn to enjoy it at some level. It MAY avoid the "attitude" fight, and she may "throw you a bone" for your good behavior.

SouthernBelle said...

Scope is right, there are some things you have to do and some things you don't.

I never make Husband go with me if I'm going out with friends, but equally he knows if he doesn't that I will drink more (it helps the nervousness) and come home a stanky, giggling mess.

He doesn't try to make me play any video games more complicated than Mario Kart and I don't force him to look at beads with me when I want to make jewelry.

Sass said...

Hey! That was ME that asked Gwen your dating status. And she ain't lyin'. She said the person would be very well cared for.

You see...I have this friend...;)

Scope said...

Sass - I thought it might be (or MelO or H), but she wouldn't divulge.

Gwen can keep secrets.

SouthernBelle said...

woooooOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooOOOOOOO

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